Poll Results Archive: #25
It's interesting, it's topical, it's old. Welcome to the poll results archive!

-MARCH 98-
Results: Pope's Pointy Hat Voted Best Weapon: "The Pope's pointy hat" was the clear weapon of choice for assassinating Fidel Castro in the recent Ow! poll, beating runner up "Some fresh McDonald's coffee" by a 30 vote margin. Strangely enough, the next most popular choices "a sawed off Dustbuster" and "Lee Press on Nails" went on to decisively beat both "a gun" and "a 2x4 with a spike in it" confirming our suspicions that most of our voters are harmless, as well stylish and tidy. (complete numbers below)

Results: Libyan Terrorist Training Best Way to Nab Post Office Job: "Spend the summer at a Libyan terrorist training camp" was the number one choice in last months poll question; "What's the best way to get a job at the post office?" The real surprise however was that "Spit-shine the stamp machine," the most viable solution, ended up in last place with less than 13% of the total vote. Which is just as well because, you'd probably end up with a lot of stamps stuck to your tongue.

Results: Most Pollsters Prefer to Hit Spice Girls With Dozen Donuts: Who would you most like to see get smacked with which dessert? The results are in and "Spice Girls With Dozen Donuts" beat out all the others with almost 30% of the votes. "Jenny McCarthy with a 125mph Jolly Rancher" nabbed second place with 21%, Third, "Monica Lewinsky with a Frozen Banana," 19%, "Pamela Anderson with a HoHo" and "Elton John with a fruit cake" with 11% respectively, and pulling up the rear, "Rush Limbaugh with an eclair" with a paltry 7%. I should note however that the Spice Girls probably only won due to being the single biggest target.

The final February/March 98 poll numbers.

First Question:
What would you choose to assassinate Fidel Castro with?
18 said: A gun.
32 said: A 2x4 with a spike in it.
55 said: Some fresh McDonald's coffee.
42 said: A sawed off Dustbuster.
42 said: Lee-Press-on Nails.
85 said: The Pope's pointy hat.

Second Question:
What's the best way to get a job at the post office?
80 said: Spend the summer at a Libyan terrorist training camp.
46 said: Visit the post office each day with a bag of fake mail and say "so you fellas need any help with this?"
55 said: Spend the day at the post office offering to lick peoples envelopes closed.
58 said: Send a 3lb. package of Kim Shee and Limburger cheese and threaten to do so every day until they hire you.
35 said: Spit-shine the stamp machine.

Deep Question:
Now that Bill Gates has been hit in the face with a pie, who would you most like to see get smacked with which dessert?
32 said: Pamela Anderson with a HoHo.
53 said: Monica Lewinsky with a Frozen Banana.
20 said: Rush Limbaugh with an eclair.
57 said: Jenny McCarthy with a 125mph Jolly Rancher.
31 said: Elton John with a fruit cake.
82 said: The Spice Girls with a dozen donuts.

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