The Rejected Question Archive : #56 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

Guess what??? This is like the best day of my life even though like this guy rejected me when I asked him to Tolo because.......I'm going on the Jerry Springer Show!!!!! It's $500 if I punch the guy who rejected me and $1000 if I draw blood. Man, I accidentally clicked the "here you go sparky" button because I needed a good bedtime story for my little brother and I ran out of ideas, but aren't you happy for me? Or just jealous, because you get paid to answer stupid questions while "I" receive dough for being a bitch? -idovoodoo- Rejected. Yeah, we're jealous. Have a nice beating! Now that I have body glitter and gloss, what am I supposed to do with them? -Jimmy Clay- Hang yourself on a Christmas tree. Resistance is Futile! Destruction is immenent! Prepare to die Earthscum! -Daktaklakpak- Fine, I give up... sheesh! If superman was alive could any woman have a strong enough uterus to have his kid? -anonymous visitor- Yeah, just the foreplay would probably kill her though. I love Muzak. It's the music of the gods. ?<--------didn't foret question mark. -Ripped and Torn- Well, the punctuation was okay, but the rest of the question left a little to be desired. If you reject me again, will I commit suicide? -Big Frickin' Loser- I dunno, lets find out. Hey, would you please send some money so we can buy a solar heater for the pool so we can invite everyone to go swimming in any tempurature. Or can you just come and scrap the scum off the side of the pool? Thank you in advance! -The Blonde- My dream, scraping scum off the side of a pool and paying for it. Well, I'm back from my long sabbatical to Burma, and I was wondering. Sparky, are you an errand boy sent to collect on an overdue bill? -Just wonderin' The Reverend Jough Approximately- No, but did you bring me an ashtray or something? If you were you could be a body part of Pamela Anderson Lee, What would it be and why? -Sick and Twisted- Not her boobs, uh huh, not what I was thinking at all. Is that cheese sauce they put on nachos REALLY cheese? I mean, since when is cheese liquid? I think it's alien scum and they put it in our food to brainwash us so they can take over the planet earth. Or is it just cheese? -Shanda Panda- It's real cheese, but it comes from artificial cows. why doesnt anyone believe me that a toothbrush with the brush on one end and a toothpaste dispenser on the other end is a GOOD idea? -anonymous visitor- Put a razor and a nose hair clipper on the other side and you might just have something. Is there anything WRONG if you simply don't want to pay your taxes? People have been annoying the hell out of me for years because of this. -L. Helmsley- Question gave me a nasty look and tried to pinch my buttcheeks. I'm thinking of getting an animal to attrackt the chicks. And my question to you is, what should I get? -Just some guy who needs to get laid- Almost always reject animal sex related questions. Should i be concerened with woodland creatures attacking my head in the middle of the night when camping?? -anonymous visitor- Yeah, it keeps me up at nights. Will you please regect this question? Pleeeease. -anonymous visitor- Not a chance you pinko. When the snow melts, where does the white go? -CheriPez- Built nifty snowman out of question. If you're not disheveled, are you "sheveled"? -Thanks! Qathi - bland web page - Gallaher- Sheveled this question right onto the rejected page. If a man is talking in the woods, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong? -CheriPez- Whoops, forgot to see if Spanky liked this one. Where is my Ice Cream? -Mer Bear- Too accusatorial. So, the vice president of the US turned 50 recently. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that Al Gore looks like a wet sack of flour? Well, at least the man is an accurate speller... -simian- I would probably vote for the sack of flour anyway. If red dye is used to make red shirt, where do they get plaid dye? -CheriPez- It's not a dye, it's from plaidypusses. (it's a pun, so shoot me) Can you explain the mysterious disappearance of Jough? I haven't seen him around for weeks. You didn't tie him to a chair and cram 100 boxes of Ramen Noodles down his throat, did you? -Cherries- He's back and we've got our dining room set back! YOU'VE RUINED SPANKY!!!! NOOOO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!! You've ruined everything you stand for?? I like what you've done??? I love that java app. for making spanky's face... MY question is : how do Onions rid themselves of fecal waste??? -- DeathWing - Lelow- First part of question too loud, second part too dopey. I've found a witch! May I burn her? -Mr. Fizzles- Rejected, Mr. Fizzles is probably a frog or something by now. Can you validate my parking? -Captain Pyro- Forgot where I parked this question. Why didn't you make another optional answer for the second question, like "none of the above"? -anonymous visitor- It would take all the fun out of forcing voters to choose something they don't like... sheesh. Cause for concern -- I know that my heart will go on, but what about the rest of me? (Twofer with rimshot) -De Ole Sarge- Couldn't use drummed up question this week. Ok, what is the most boring thing you have ever done in you life? A) A college lecture class. B) Church. C) Memorize the telephone book. D) Regular sex with your spouse. -Overly Offensive Alkyholic- Question too... uh, oh forget it. I've figured out how to travel back in time! The Levi-Cevita magnetic gravity solutions to general relativity legitimize manipulating spacetime curvature. The solutions propose a position-dependent gravitational potential on a 3-space hypercylinder which can be induced by axisymmetric homogeneous magnetic or electric fields. 4-dimensional spacetime has a surface which is induced and shaped by whatever matter-energy fields are arranged locally in that spacetime. This surface is 3-dimensional and is called, in the parlance of Riemannian geometry, a hypersurface. A 3-space hypercylinder is just the cylindrical surface created in this spacetime, and is equivalent to a gravitational well. This gravitational well is position-dependent along the symmetry axis of the solenoidal B-field. Wormholes can therefore be opened by having a B-field generator stress the cylindrical symmetry of the B-field into spherical symmetry, thereby causing B-field tension to become infinitesimally larger than energy density, thus creating the "exotic energy violation" necessary to open a wormhole. Since Alcubierre metric type warp drives permit arbitrarily large spacecraft speeds (i.e. faster than the speed of light to the observers frame of reference) with no time dilation, causality won't be violated. By flying into a wormhole mouth at this speed, and then having engineers on the other side accelerate the mouth on their end to the speed of light, one can travel backward in time, albeit only as far as when they started the journey, and at a completely different place. However, Visser showed that generic wormholes do not have, or even need mouths, thus making them basically "throats", meaning ultra-high B or even E-field generators will be needed to produce such a wormhole. It has been proven in labs that nuclear explosives can create electromagnetic fields that are strong enough to produce a measureable change in spacetime curvature. This was proven by slowing down a laser beam. I have a two part question then. First, would it -Captain PyroQ- Rejected, missing last three chapters of question. If you were casting "The Mark Hamill story", who would play "Mark Hamill"? 1) Dennis Hopper 2) Carrie Fisher 3) Peter Fonda 4) Bill Clinton 5) George Clooney -anonymous visitor- Jeepers, I could only "dream" of casting "The Mark Hamill Story." Where do Twinkies go when they die? -Delilah- Squeezed question and all the cream squirted out. If you had a chance to have sex with a 40 year old, would you... a) FCENSOREDk them B)tell them to fCENSOREDk off C)FCENSOREDk yourself D)FCENSOREDk them and then tell them to fCENSOREDk off. -anonymous visitor- Question was kinda fCENSOREDed up. Hey, Spanky!Well,I have finally found out that this guy likes me.I am afrid to ask him out. Besides performing some death defying feat,How can I get the courage to ask him out?And by the way,Sparky,I do have friends.Just watch it Sparky. -GeniusGirl- Rejected, GeniusGirl seems too horny. HELLOH SWEET ONIONS OF MINE!!!! Here'sh uh kwishchun por yuh... i think my cat is kind of abnormal. it kind of attempted to fly the other day. WHAT'LL I DO??? (*This is a TRUE story!!!) --=HOK=- (BWAHAHA!!!! I'm BACK AGAIN-UH!)- Used question to build a nice set of catwings. Which came first, the Easter Bunny or the colored egg? -anonymous visitor- Too topical. You should get a new delivery guy. He keeps on eyeballing me. Why does he? -Mad Anthony Wayne- Stuck question down my pants just to see what would happen. Who's Bub and why should he forget? -anonymous visitor- Question too personal... bub. The king of fried eggs and beans live down the street from me, and has challenged me for the title of supreme lord of breakfast items. My allie the lord of left-over lunch meat has offered his services, but against his evil armie of salt, pepper, and toast I'm not sure I can win. Cold you offer some suggestions? -The supreme lord of Waffles, Pancakes, Maple Syrup and Butter- Probably not visitor's real name and/or title. I want my hard nipples to be permanant. If I hang out in freezers lond enough, will it happen? Or will they just fall off? -anonymous visitor- Have never used nipple question on weekly page, figure this would be a bad time too start. Do Smurfs have nipples? -jamjars (this week I have been mainly eating carrots)- See above question. why is there no blue food (naturally occuring) ? -anonymous visitor- Is this another Smurf question? Why does my belly-button smell? -jamjars (this week I have been mainly eating garlic)- Pay attention, it's your nose that smells. Why, why, by all the Gods WHY??!!!!!????!!?!??!??!??! -The Why Guy- Because, because, for the love of god Because!?!!!?! Why am i attempting to think of a question for this? (im a blonde!!) No offence to u other "smart" blondes out there.. hehe -=o)- Not really a question so much as an indication of visitors hair color. The significance of the number 42 is: a) the answer to the meaning of life (refer to book by Douglas Adams) b) the must common number typed in a calculator c) trick question there isn't any significance d) It's the answer to 6x7 -anonymous visitor- And this is the 42nd rejected question on this page. Worst to say to a cop after an accident?: 1.I was reaching around trying to find my pint of scotch. 2.My zipper was stuck on the gearshift. 3. Just driving home after extensive cranial surgery (sucking chest wound optional). 4.I was trying to outrun the giant spiders. 5.It seemed like the whole world was in reverse, and me...I was in high gear. 6.I hold society responsible for this. 7.Oh, the .break. pedal...... -<<Ogre>>- Tried all of them and am now spending quiet weekend in 10 x 10 cell with big burly guy named Bruno. Why do I have little red bumps on my ass? -Michael Flatley- Had no real desire to confirm this one way or the other. If the speed of light is 186,000m/s, then what is the speed of dark? -- I can't think of a name right now, so I'm just writing this because I think I'm supposed to fill up the entire box.......... ...................... ......................BTW, I hope Spanky gets better!!! But I don't think green is really her color, she should try light teal, my personal fave. -anonymous visitor- Thanks, she's much better now and hardly green at all. Why does the delivery guy look like he has a two-ton California redwood up his ass? -Really Hungry Beaver- Horticulturally bizarre. HEY!!!!!!! DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU TO SHADDAP??? NO!!!! I don't WANT to hear it!! Ah-AH!! NO! SSSSSSSHHHH!!!!! I SAID NO!!!! FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, SHADDAP ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHADDAP???????????????!!!!!!! -anonymous visitor- Really didn't want to get in between one part of the question and the other part. I went to this web site but I couldn't find the spiders, where are the spiders? -anonymous visitor- Used question to swat abnormally large household pest. If a cat has a piece of (French)toast strapped to it's back, and the toast has anouther cat strapped to the other side, and you drop the 2 cats and the piece of toast of a building, what will happen? A) The heavier cat will hit the ground first. B) The two cats will fight over the french toast, and threw the power of black magic, untie the rope and both will land gracefully on their feet. C) some lucky bum just got himself a free meal of "cat in the hole". -Vanessa- Already had cat or dog question this week. I forget which one. Who is your favorite character from a FOX show? a) Ally McBeal b) Hank Hill c) Fox Mulder d) the girl Tori Spelling plays on 9021 e) Homer Simpson -anonymous visitor- I like Marge, but I'm trying to keep my "blue hair fetish" quiet. If you were having a conversation with a person, and corn beef was stuck between their teeth, what would you do ? -anonymous visitor- Hand 'em some cabbage. No matter how often I clean them, I always have this black gunk under my fingernails. Lab analysis says that it is, among other things, onion. Why do you sneak in when Im sleeping and put it there? -anonymous visitor- Accidentally messed up question with the weed whipper. Why is it that when someone eats something that tastes bad they automatically want you to taste it? -Bertha- Spanky refused to smell question. Why does soup make your nose run? -anonymous visitor- Spent weekend trying to catch nose after "wacky" soup experiment. Mommy, what did the aliens do to you when you were in that spaceship? -anonymous visitor- Visitors apparently has the wrong website. If I were to win a week long vacation in the middle of the Atlantic ocean with no visitors allowed, should I accept or reject and go buy a pack of Magic: The Gathering Cards and rebuild my decks? -fg- Sacrificed this question for three blue mana and summoned my Prodigal Sorcerer. Dear Spanky and Sparky, What has happened to your site in the last 6 months or so? When I first started visiting here, the average age of your viewers was around 35 or so, now that has dropped to 12. Please get rid of all the stupid kids and their lame questions or I will have to waste my time elsewhere. -That chick that is too ashamed to continue to stalk you- Musta been the free popsicles. Why does shampoo and conditioner come in the same size bottle when you know that your going to use the conditioner up first then your left with to much shampoo??!?!?!?! -anonymous visitor- Wash rinse repeat.. wash rinse repeat... akkk, I can't stop. IF a cat jumped off a building with a piece of buttered toast on it's back, why the hell would anyone care? -Orenthal James- Are you sure he wasn't pushed? OK, you know how you can inhale helium and your voice raises in pitch, right? What if you inhaled neon? Would you glow in the dark? -anonymous visitor- Sure, but then I'd feel obligated to pose like a beer logo. Why did you mess up my question last week when I was simply trying to make your site more entertaining so you could basically get all the credit? Wouldnt you think this would tend to discourage further effort to post entertaining questions? Thus hurting you in the long run? Is there a pattern here at all? If there is, do you recognize it? - Love, That Pesky Missed Opportunity Again- Uh, what question, what credit, what pattern, who are you and where did I just set down my coffee? What happens if you get scared 1/2 to death twice ? -Pokey- You pee your pants three times. On the naked otter page....is it bad if you really DID see naked otters.........Also, If the bible (never really read it, just been happened to hear about some of the details..when my back gave out and was stuck in front of the TV with the bible network on all day.....) says that sex is evil, than why do I always see Jesus in a strip club? -REDDWARF- Frankly, I think you actually saw Elvis. Did he have a beard? Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? -anonymous visitor- It's what I live for. Hello world. I'm a psycho maniac who is going to rule the world soon. So how are you? -anonymous visitor- Fine, what time can we expect you? Hey! The pigmeys can't take over the world. (can they?) {Are they maniacle?} -anonymous visitor- No, they're just really short. If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself? -arden- Culinarily bizarre. Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaa assssssssseeeeeeee don't post this on the rejected page. I'm begging you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -some poor soul- Had to do it, stop licking my shoe please. How many daddys could a mack daddy mack if a mack daddy could mack daddys? -anonymous visitor- Yes, it's another thinly disguised woodchuck question. How much pot would a pothead snort if a pothead could snort pot? -anonymous visitor- See above question. What color shoes do you wear? -BrownShoe- Question made a handy insole. Is love all you really need? -Lennon Lover- Naw, you need breakfast cereal too. If there is a green fungus growing on my back that looks like something I saw in the sink a month ago should I be worried? -BrownShoe- Still plunging out the drain from this one. I got a poll question for y'all: If you had a chance to rename Sparky and Spanky, what would you name them? You like? -Pam from Japam- I like, saving it for one of the future polls. Sparky, will you marry me? ( than, can we get a divorce so I can have the hidden treasure of the Onion family? Can I punch you out in court? Can Spanky and I talk about you behind your back, rolling around in great big piles of money, while you have to eat your lunch out of a litterbox?) -Vanessa- Sounds like a darned exciting future, where do I sign up? if you were a bird, what would you be? a dodo bird(they're extinct) an eagle(they eat other birds) a peacock(always trying to get the girl) a peahen(always flirting with the guy) THE bird(as in "hey man, f!#k you!" -anonymous visitor- Question demanded a handful of chewed up worms. Buy the way, I don't understand something. You all seem to know Spanky really well, so how come you could not remember how she went back together. This does not look a thing like her...Hun, Hun how come? -The Blonde- I could, I just though it would be nice to own a Picasso. How do they make Mountain Dew / Is it greenish for any reason? -PowPow- Shook question up and squirted it all over the next question. Does Anyone Manufacture Silk Condoms? I've Got One Hell Of A Rash......I Hope Rover Hasn't Been Makin' It With The Neighbor's Dog Again. Hmph.... -anonymous visitor- If they did we probably wouldn't need the girls.

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