The Rejected Question Archive : #55
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!






R E J E C T
I just got word that the Russians have an old version of their space shuttle for sale--the catch is, it doesn't include batteries. Do you happen to know how many AA's it takes?
-Jason-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Did Hostess Devil Dogs (or any of those other delectable, non-food Hostess items) ever have a spokesperson? You know, like Kebbler has those pesky elves and Pillsbury has that demi-god of masculinity, Poppin' Fresh. They peddle all kinds of fat-layden snack treats. But you never hear of a happy-go-lucky character speaking up for the goodness of Hostess products. What's you take on this?
-simian-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
ooooonions, Do you find yourselves trying to find ways to infiltrate the phrase "sucking chest wound" into just about any conversation?
-<<Ogre>>-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh... sucking chest wound.


R E J E C T
We have to swim in gym class. What's a good excuse of getting out of it that doesn't require a doctor's note?
-Jimmy Ray-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Last night I had a dream that there was a secret land inside my heating vents, so I went down there, and no sooner had I got there than a giant T-Rex with a chef's hat and cooking utensils threw me into a pot and started to cook me. I thought I was done for, until Mighty Mouse came and saved me. Will this impact the global economy, or force me to quit eating Spam and brine shrimp pizzas before beddy-bye time?
-Mr. Fizzles-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.... pizza.


R E J E C T
If cats always land on their feet, and bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if I buttered the back of a cat, stuffed a piece of bread in its mouth, and threw it from the 42nd floor of the Empire State Building, while applying enough spin on it to do a triple backwards somersault into a half gainer?
-Mr. Fizzles-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh... Cats fall... baaad.


R E J E C T
Now let's just asssume for a moment that Spanky actually did die from Ramen Soup (I am on to you Sparky, I have pictures and one of your gloves from the murder scene as proof), are we saying that the toxicity of the meal is what killed her and I should be weary of eating only Ramen, or are onions just alergic?
-El-Nino-Of-The-Talkshow-Circuit-
Grrrrr... Spanky fine now... arrrrrr.


R E J E C T
What's your favorite meal?
1) Spam
2) Bacon, eggs, and Spam
3) Sausage, bacon, and Spam
4) Bacon, Pancakes, Spam, and eggs
5) Spam, bacon, pancakes, and Spam
6) Lobster Thermador in a Hollandaise sauce with Spam
-Mr. Fizzles-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
What happens if an unstoppable object meets an immovable wall?
-Captain Pyro-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh... BANG!


R E J E C T
Will you reject this question?
-Mr. Fizzles-
Okee Dokey!


R E J E C T
Can you tell me why some women-and a few color blind transvestites- will have on a black skirt, black shoes, and then wear white stockings? and, if I kill them, can I use the insanity plea, because they were obviously out of there minds?
-DKN"why"-
Grrrrr... color coordination... baaad.


R E J E C T
Are you free this weekend? 'Cause I heard you normally charge.
-Blueberry muffin gal (sorry, I don't like walnuts)-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Whats the difference between Spam and Spanky? Is it just cryofreeze? And when Spanky comes out of cryofreeze will she taste like that stuff in there?
-@@@The Wonderful Tatum@@@-
Grrrrr... Wonderful Tatum... fancy name... like.


R E J E C T
Why do people submit multiple choice questions when they are always rejected?
-Big Ed-
Grrrrr... choices... baaad.


R E J E C T
Last week, Meg let someone put henna extract on her hand in the shape of a flower. She calls it "Mehindi," I call it "trippy." Ever since she got that thing, my oatmeal has been talking to me! What's happening to me?
-Fred The Stick Figure-
Grrrrr... urrrrrrrrrrrrrr... arrrr...


R E J E C T
What's this thing buzzing in my ear?
-Fred The Stick Figure-
Grrrrr... buzzing baaaad...


R E J E C T
You said that I couldn't have a Spank-cicle, so can I have a Spank-which? AND, last of all, Sparky, Spanky, have you ever considered joining the Spam Bomb Club? Free moist toilettes . . .
-~MWUAHAHAHA, the Spam Girl~-
Grrrrr... free toilettes... mmmmmm...


R E J E C T
will you look at my page?(http://members.aol.com/rogue22615/)
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
What's the square root of a round number?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... numbers... ARRRRARRR!


R E J E C T
I'm just curious as to which has more power: a baron, a countess, or a princess?
-Charlotte-
Grrrrr... more counting... ARRRRR!


R E J E C T
I have this friend, and, well, he's a nice guy, but he won't tell me this, and I was wondering if you knew. Why a sheep?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... baaaaaa.


R E J E C T
How many licks DOES it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? (please don't say "Ask the owl.")
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Didnt I read this in a Harry Harrison story?
-mittens-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Hi Sparky! Maybe you should ask Humpty Dumpty for help with Spanky's present condition. By the way, why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
-Cousin Spunky-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
-Concerned MotoristQQ-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Should I buy an Executive Hi-Back chair for my computer typing needs, therefore risking myself to injury through leaning back on the chair with my feet on the desk and exposing my wrists to the wrong tying angle, or should I get a Clerical Typist chair and look like a twat?
-jamjars (this week I have been mainly eating spinach)-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... twaaaat.


R E J E C T
Why is this optional? It should be mandatory to send a question. But, then everyone would ask "Why do we have to send a question?"
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... good point.


R E J E C T
Where is everybody? Maybe they're running down to Buchman's Sporting Goods, over on 108th. Maybe not.
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Did you guys watch the Academy Awards (excuse me, Titanic Awards) monday?
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Sparky and shattered Spanky, I'm a little worried. Don't get me wrong--I really appreciate you displaying the MunkySafe button on your site. However, I was alarmed to find two questions on the rejected page referencing the "suitable punishment" of monkeys, and then at the bottom of the page was the MunkySafe button. I know it's not your fault that thoughtless visitors send in questions promoting monkey cruelty. But, how can you call the page MunkySafe if it talks about punishing monkeys?
-SpunkyMunky-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... monkeys... gooood... not bad... like.


R E J E C T
HOW DO Onions relieve themselves of fecal waste
-DeathWing- -Lelow
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... no question mark.


R E J E C T
Okay, here's my last question for today: Why is not unusual to be loved by anyone? So sayeth the Lord, Tom Jones
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Frank, am I a playground? This thing has style and class and speed and a good lawyer named R.S. McQuentin Tarantino Martinev Campbell
-Raw Dog Davis-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
How much wood could a Woodchuck chuck, If a Woodchuck could chuck wood.
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... AAARRRRRRRRR...


R E J E C T
If life is hell, where will we go when we die?
-SLY-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Could you spell Corona with two r's...?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... caaan't spell.


R E J E C T
I'm having a huge garden party next Saturday. I have all sorts of treats from cream puffs to mini sandwiches. The roses are now in bloom, and I'm ready to go. The problem is that all my plants are silk and I'm worried that my guests will figure out and ostracize me. PS - You're invited!
-Nan-
Ahhhhhh... like party... grrrrrrr...


R E J E C T
I know you can tune a piano, but can you tune a fish?
-SinMater-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Consider the following: A googolplex and a half cats with buttered toast velcroed to their backs are eating mouse flavored Spam™ off AOL disks on board a googolplex and a half galaxy-class starships (that's one cat per ship). Simultaneously, in a parallel universe, a googolplex and a half woodchucks are eating CheezWhiz™ off Elvis statuettes on board a googolplex and a half balsa wood models of the Titanic (also one woodchuck per ship). Bill Gates has purchased control of all activities in both universes and has used his unlimited power to modify the laws of physics such that he and he alone can now park on a parkway, and anyone who uses a word that means "synonym" must pay him a licensing fee. But he is still upset about those damn mimes. Aren't we all. Because of this, he once again finds himself awake at 3AM and goes to the kitchen, leaving Barney peacefully (if you know what I mean) asleep in the bed. He pulls a Spice Girls Thermos™ of hot ramen noodles out of the fridge and mutters to himself that if all generalizations were false, Steven Wright would be getting royalties from 90% of web postings. He pictures walking into work and telling his boss to screw himself but realizes that he has no boss and is condemned to merely fantasizing about such a thing. At that very moment, all the starships simultaneously engage warp drive and all the models of the Titanic simultaneously sink. The temporal field modulations induced by this massive flux displacement cause a tree to fall across Mr. Gate's driveway, crushing his Yugo. Assuming that all the cats are black and white American Standards, the toast is rye, the butter is Challenge, the AOL disks are ver 2.0, the CheezWhiz and Spam were both bought at 7-11, the toilet flushed clockwise when the 7-11 attendant took a leak after the purchase, Gates left his headlights on, and that there is in fact room in any theoretical universe for enough planets with suitable environments to grow enough balsa wood to make a googolplex models of the Titanic, who has r- mittens? PS there's only one rock star on this stage, baby.
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... take week read big question...


R E J E C T
Do Oreos and Doritos mix?
-Chicken Burrito-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Why do people think questions about Spam are automatically funny? Just because it's a ridiculous progression of letters doesn't mean it should get an instant laugh. In fact, when you think about it, Spam is a really serious thing, don't you think?
-Mom-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh... spaaaaaam...


R E J E C T
Hey, what's this whippy font that you are using called?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh... Sparky use Cheapsign and GenX... arrrrrrrr... you find.


R E J E C T
Why do cats and dogs eat food and circle around aimlessly and jump on 2 feeet...ive just been dying to know
-robby q-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
How does a blind man know his bung-hole is clean, when he's done wiping?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Hello, caller, you're on the air.
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Do we have to put the red blood on it?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Why do so many people ask such stupid questions?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
sparky, my husband just got 10 brand spanking new rolls of duct tape that he found at the place where he works and they're still even in their origional packaging and everything all shiny and new and silvery just waiting to be used for something but I was just wondering is duct tape like a *guy* thing and should I like be totally scared for some reason or something?
-~nik~-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Do you two onionheads go good on cheeseburgers?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Water expands by like 10% when it is frozen doesn't it? This makes me wonder what the cryofreeze is doing to Spanky...is she getting a big head?
-w0nderw0m@n-
Grrrrr... normal head... normal head...


R E J E C T
Okay,if you had a fly and you took off it's wings, would it be called a walk?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... buuugs... ahhhh...


R E J E C T
If the Spice Girls and All Saints decided to get together and form one big band, would they call themselves All Spice?
-RAVEN-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
If your drove a 1977 BMW cuz it's a cool little car, and drank $5 coffee because you liked the sensation of a near-anuerism, does that still make you yuppie scum?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... yuppies niiiice...


R E J E C T
Sorry for Spanky, hope you find a cure for death. I see that Spanky's tounge is still hanging out of her mouth, and is still smiling (at least in the picture I'm looking at w/ her in the cryofreeze) Don't you ever get the urge to push her tounge back in her mouth, so you don't have to look at it anymore?
-Coolio Rae-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Why isn't there a Trailor Trash Barbie that's pregnant, with black roots, rollers, and wal-mart clothes?
-***Kentucky Fried Rattail***-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Do you love me?
-***Kentucky Fried Rattail***-
Rooooooooooo... rrrrruv.... rrrrratrail.


R E J E C T
Does it annoy you that I send twelve questions in a row?
-***Kentucky Fried Rattail***-
RRRRAAAAAAAA!!


R E J E C T
Do you gots fity cent I can have?
-***Kentucky Fried Rattail***-
Grrrrr... one... arrr... one... arrr... one... ARRRRRHHH!.


R E J E C T
Daylight Savings Time never saves me any time. Am I doing something wrong?
-Mooki-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Why do rottweilers have four legs?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... so you can tell them from the lawyers... ...mmmmmhhh.


R E J E C T
If I eat enough bubble gum, could I blow a bubble inside myself and float away?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
You guys don't like me, do you?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... meee... liiiiiiike...


R E J E C T
I'm a lumberjack--am I okay?
-anonymous visitor-
I dunno, do you dress in womens clothing and hang around in bars?


R E J E C T
Duz you guyz know where I can gets a holda the guy who punches holes in the swiss cheeses? I wanna apply fer a part-time persition, see?
-Jimbobob III-
Grrrrr... uhhhhh... foreign question... ARRRRRR.


R E J E C T
Would you believe that I had the world's most extraordinary question typed in your question box, and by mistake I clicked on "Let's just forget it Bub" because I wasn't wearing my glasses?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... forget... ARRRRRRR.


R E J E C T
Hallelujah?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... had religious question... arrrr...


R E J E C T
Who are you, really? Is this a full-time job? Do you live together?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... live together... yes... full time... no...


R E J E C T
How can I transform myself into an onion-head?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
If a well-known ice cream company marketed a Spam-flavored ice cream and awarded you a grand prize of a years' worth of the stuff, would you:
A) Eat it
B) Use it to grease your door hinges
C) Give it to your pet cow as a substitute salt lick
D) Go into convulsions, froth at the mouth, and scream, "Baby squid, everywhere! Take me, take me!"
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... spam again...


R E J E C T
Why on earth am I HERE?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
When you put Spanky back together again, what are you going to do with the leftover pieces?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... spanky have all parts, even have new bonus bionic lobster claw.


R E J E C T
I'm confused...if I click "Ok here you go sparky" will my question get answered and if I click "Let's just forget it Bub" will my question go straight to the rejected page? Or does it even matter which, button I choose? Are you just messing with my mind?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... right button important...


R E J E C T
Where do I find Uuuumlats on the keyboard?
-Delilah Smud Puddle (pronounced Smood Poodle, but I can't find the uumlats)-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uumlats?


R E J E C T
When will you accept one of my questions?
-BrownShoe-
Grrrrr... okee dokey!


R E J E C T
Is is fair that my dog can lick his balls when ever he wants, but I can't when company comes over?
-G. Willacres-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... too many doooog questions...


R E J E C T
What is the meaning of life?
-*God*-
Grrrrr... see above question, oh wait, that's dogs.


R E J E C T
Why Onions?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... WAAAAAAAAA.


R E J E C T
When you cut yourself, does it make you cry?
-BrownShoe-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
If two pints make a quart, how many courts can a woodchuck chuck?
-Jimmy Corrona-
Grrrrr... woodchuck... ARRRRRRRRRRR!


R E J E C T
Someone once said that clowns really were my friends. So my question is: is the drunken hobo in the alley who likes to paint his face red and asks me 'if I want to see Captain Binky?' really my friend?
-Pyrodite-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
What exactly makes the Mighty Mighty Bostones so Mighty?
-The Tiki God-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Why? Where? Who? What? And for how many chocolate cookies?
-Black Adder-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Ahhhhhh?
-PyroElf-
Grrrrraaaaahh?


R E J E C T
I don't know if this is where you're supposed to send this, but I have a cure for Ramen Noodle Disease. Telling this joke usually laughs you back to life. The funniest joke ever:

A bus stops in Brooklyn and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say:

"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice.Then I come once-a-more.""You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public."

"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

God that was funny. Did it work?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... joke.... fuunnnny...


R E J E C T
Damn, you are so sexy Sparky. Since you are so sexy, and you're famous too, do you have women crawling all over you, just wanting you cause you are so sexy?
-Pet Shop Girl-
Grrrrr... ARRRRRRRR!


R E J E C T
Why is it that whenever I see you little onion heads...My eyes fill with tears and I begin to cry?
1 My mother used an onion ring for an IUD.
2 I have a deep seated fear of produce.
3 I'm allergic to line drawings.
4 It's not you ..it's the toxic fumes being released from my obsolete monitor.
5 I'm too sensitive for this web site.
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Why do people knock on my door every Saturday morning wantinting to know if I'm having a yard sale?
-Cousin Ernie-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
What does "Bondage" mean?
-Strommy Clay-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
You are all rejected, y'know?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
What's so "amazing" about the poll?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
Can you tell who I am?
-False Spanky-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... uhhhhh.


R E J E C T
I have a confession to make. Some days, when no one is around, I close all the drapes, strip naked, grab a spoon and a jar of mayonnaise, and just eat. Is this abnormal?
-anonymous visitor-
Grrrrr... uhrrrrrrrrrr... abnormal.


R E J E C T
why didn't you incluse captain Kangaroo?
-Kat-
Arrrrr... Spanky like Kangaroo... Sparky say Kangaroo to old.. no use on question... Sparky big idiot...






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