The Rejected Question Archive : #53 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

i was wondering, what would we be like if we pollinated instead of copulated? at certain times of the year, would we start to ooze and drip, leaving babies all over the place? would it be survival of the fittest? would a man have to pollinate onto a woman's ooze, or would we be asexual. (checking pants for reassurance) (depressed after checking pants) on second thought, can you help me with my "organ"? -elvis shortliver- Rejected, question tried to hump my leg. A write-in for question #1: I'd get a toilet field guide and I.D. my toilet to figure out why the hell a snake would want to have a heyday in there. Who knows, maybe it's a really great place to be? -anonymous visitor- Good suggestion, the poll had however already started and the addition of another possible answer could potentially violate the integrity of the statistics. (read: too lazy to update the page) I went to the naked otters page, thinking it was just a joke.But NO!!!!!!!!!! Nudity everywhere!!!!!I was sickened,and thouroughly disgusted. I demand you take that smut off the Internet!!!!!!!! My question is that if you do not do so, can I sue you for emotional damage? -anonymous visitor- Only if your woody pokes you in the head and causes some mild brain damage. Is that ice you got Spanky in, or Tang? Cuz I think Spanky'd make a real tasty Tang-pop. Goooo-ooly! -Jimbobob IV- Wasn't sure if "Gooooo-ooly!" was the answer or part of the question. Best way to turn in your two week's notice of resignation: 1. Duct taped to a brick and thrown through the bay window of your bosses' home. 2. Done on signs on the road leading to the office, Burma-Shave style. 3. Carved in stone and left for archeologists to discover centuries from now. 4. Written in aeresol cheese on your chest, served with a plate of crackers. 5. Spelled out on the lawn in dead hamsters. 6. Translated into ancient Sanskrit then back into English incorrectly. -<<Ogre>>- Saving question for April poll. You really should fix the typos on this page, y'know? You're rivalling Budd Uggly here. Why is the cryofreeze purple? -anonymous visitor- Go away. Wy dos or languag us silent leters? Wat god ar tha anywa? It sems lik a wast of typing. Culd yu start an "I hat silent leters" club lik yur extremly popular "I hat frams" club? If so, let me now and yu can rely on me to spred the mesag. -Jadie Jade- Couldn't answer question after spending weekend popping unnecessary keys off of keyboard. What if I don't have a creative and utterly spiffy-smurfy snarly question? Will you kill me? -anonymous visitor- Killing visitors season hasn't opened yet. Are you holding Spanky in the same tank as Walt Disney? -anonymous visitor- Didn't think wacky "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride reference would work on a humorous level. If one and a half chickens can lay one and a half eggs in one and a half days, and the square root of the speed of light is a constant, who did put the "bang" in the "whatta-whatta bing-bang"? -anonymous visitor- Rejected, wasn't sure how to answer. Seemed like question was asking which came first, the "chicken" or the "big bang." If it takes a chicken and a half a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, how long does it take a one legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? -anonymous visitor- See above question, substitute "bang" with "dill pickle." The waggy headed Indian guy is back. He smells like bad curry. I'm thinking of jamming a Glade Plug-in into the back of his head. Is this a bad idea? -anonymous visitor- Olfactorily bizarre. Does getting on the weekly page make you more special than getting on the rejected page? -anonymous visitor- No, the rejected page is much harder to get on. (snicker) I'd like my name included with my question? -Name withheld- Next time. Why is the question page file called "queston.html"? I mean, why isn't it called "question.html"? That would make more sense, wouldn't it? And then it would be 8 characters long, which would auspiciously line it with all the planets. (Oh, and might I add, the text wraparound in this box is quite the nice touch.) I await the great conjunction! (How long till lunch?) -anonymous visitor- I dunno, I dunno, Yes, actually there are 9 planets, glad you like the wraparound text, and 4 hours after breakfast. I don't believe that that's Spanky in the cryo-tank. I think you have her tied up in your basement, Sparky. It's all a big lie. You have her tied up in your basement, and you're making her fulfill your twisted oniony fantasies. You're sick, you know that? All this talk of ramen... Sheesh. These people must be really gullible to believe that. But I know the truth. I've seen her through your basement windows. You need help, Sparky. -A concerned citizen- Think visitor was looking at basement fridge containing six pack and well preserved road kill trophy that could easily be mistaken for 'ol what's-er-name... Spanky. Reject me and I'll send in a ramen noodle question! -Vanessa- Okay, could you send along some cracker questions too? What if coffee doesn't do the trick? How do I wake up in the morning? -Xine- Wanted to do something like: "drop the Mr. Coffee on your foot" and "Paint some pupils on your eyelids" but forgot about the whole thing and just took a nap. (*evil grin*) So, if Spanky's allergic to ramen, what are *you* allergic to, Sparky? Anything easily obtained? -anonymous visitor- Rejected, question made me feel kind of itchy. Why don't you have a weekly pole, instead of a weekly poll? Then we can all do a May day dance. -anonymous visitor- Used question to wipe off CDs. The combined miss rate is the effective miss rate seen for the combination of the 64-KB instruction cache and 64-KB data cache. Get it? -anonymous visitor- Question somehow slipped my memory. Have you seen any humans around here? My diapers are getting really full. -Poomonkey- No use poo poo monkey question this week. Does it matter how the ramen cure smells, as long as it works? -Mooki- Always reject smelly questions. I'm allergic to onions. I shouldn't be here, or I'll end up like Spunkie the onion-girl allergic to rumens. No more tripe for you, Spunkie, okay? -anonymous visitor- Question seemed to boil down to simply "is it okay for you to have no more tripe?" which somehow just didn't seem all that interesting. Tu quero Taco Bell? -Mr. Fizzles- We, we, bone jore mo suer. Will Spanky be crunchy in cryofreeze? -anonymous visitor- Like glass.. he he he. I must complain about the poll questions this month, specifically, the "Deep Question". I am my own favorite Captain! Next time, please take care to remedy situations such as this before they get out of hand! Do you have a spare tourniquet by the way? I'm getting the Purple Heart for a paper cut I sustained while on duty in Iraq. Who knew I was a hemophiliac? -Captain Pyro- Rejected, seemed more like a complaint then a question. What happened to all the lobsters? You guys ate 'em all and didn't tell me, did you!? DIDN'T YOU!?! -Captain Pyro- Things change, lobsters leave, people eat, it's just life. I can't stop eating sugar-cured bacon instead of the real stuff. It's so much sweeter! Help? -anonymous visitor- Rejected, question popped and spit hot grease in my eye. You're a strange and evil individual. Do you like, uh, stuff? -Wuh-?- Question too general, except for the strange part. Is it true that Madonna wrote her new song "Frozen" in memory of Spanky? I thought for sure Elton John would have written one first but I guess "Onions in the Wind" wouldn't sell as well. -Singalong with Shat- Messed question up after playing it backwards, secret message was "I run with the badger and the geese are pecking the IRS agents" which although makes perfect sense, it failed to mention the part about "green Twinkies twisting in the wind of my minds eye." Spanky, I'd like to ask you a personal question...how old are you? Now, before you shun me, I just want to say that I know it's not polite to ask a female her age, but it's also known that things get better over time. So tell me, Queen Spanky (whom all the world adores), how old are you? - A *very* curious ~jester~- A little younger than a Ming vase and a little older than day old bread. How does Mountain Dew compare to other antifreezes? I can never find any statistics on it anywhere. -anonymous visitor- Started to answer question, suddenly a bunch of studly young people started swinging around splashing water everywhere and I forgot what I was doing. If Pamela Anderson's baby is breast-fed, does the milk come in plastic bags? -Shanda Panda- Question to "large and perfectly round" to fit on weekly page. What is a love apple? -anonymous visitor- Rejected, kept thinking about horses on parade. Would one get arrested for putting antifreeze in an authority figure's lunchmeat? -***Kentucky Fried Rattail***- Culinarily Bizarre Is generic spam spam's trailor trash cousin that gets their jeans at wal-mart? -***Kentucky Fried Rattail***- Rejected, question seemed like the type that would marry it's own sister. Hey, you didn't put my longest question on your rejected page!!! I spent a lot a time on that too you know! This is discrimination. Why did you not put my question on your page? -Tommy Rae- Whoops, we didn't actually get the question. Think the mail-to script was acting up last week. do onions shed their skin in the summer -anonymous visitor- Visitor forgot question mark. Dear Spanky, -anonymous visitor- Thank you for this very interesting letter, we're still doing some research into some of the many fine points you made and hope to get another word or two from you soon. What do you think of people that eat cows,watch T.V in their underwear,leave their soggy paper in your yard,and leave the window open when they use the bathroom? -your normal weirdo- Always reject questions from next door neighbor. Would Pamela Lee melt or blow up if she stood too close to a heater? -your normal weirdo- Visitor inadvertently used "Pamela" and "blow" in the same sentence. I say we torture them. -Dominius Mookpiloh, Lord Of Evil- Not a question. please don't reject this question...PLEASE!!! sometimes the old timers in my neighborhood put potatoes in their crotches and bop each other with brooms. i really do not understand this, but they say the reason is this: back after WWII, when some of the soldiers came home, their girlfriends weren't so "loyal" to them and went off and found other "non-military men". these men, feeling that their loss was so total, put potatoes in their crotches and chased each other with a broomstick. then they would pummel each other with sausage patties. by the way, they did this on the town common in the daylight. my question is this: how do i go about having this added into american history books? it seems an important part of history, and i recently saw one of the original sausage patties appraised on the "antique roadshow" for 68,000 dollars! please help solve my dilemma, as i am not eating any meat products until i can determine their age and historical significance. p.s. i love you! -elvis shortliver- We love you too elvis. Do you love me, Sparky? -anonymous visitor- Sure, got any money? If God created us with four arms instead of two, would the world be a better place? -Beth- Hard enough to keep track of two gloves. I will be having my own room in university next semester, and I have been toying with the idea of covering the floor with a foot or so of kitty litter, so that I don't have to use the grubby washrooms. I was also thinking about covering the floor with wood chips, putting a hanging water bottle on the wall (complete with the little nipple) and a salt lick in the corner, to make it like a hamster cage. Eventually I would get a hamster wheel for exercise but this hasn't been penciled into the budget yet. Should I just save money and cover the ground with newspapers? -Succa- Fed question to Cujo. Does it hurt to type when you're dead Spanky? -Jon- Only when curious kids poke me with a stick. I seriously want to know if Brian Wehrman is the Devil. He is freakin me out more now than before. I want to know if he is using his demonic powers to do this or if he is just crazy. -BrownShoe- Ben can't be the Devil, because the Devil is my car mechanic. I think Spanky looks very cute in where she is right now. *grin* -Chicken Burrito- Me too. *grin, grin* If I was a porn star, I'd have to choose a name. Here a few I've considered: Dick Almighty Jack Scrotumpole Ezekiel Creamsicle Fast Eddie and the Mexican Cucumber Bobby Speedbag Roger Rambunctious Jeremiah Strong Black Reggie and his Alabama Champion Russel the Love Muscle What would you choose as your name? -Mad Anthony Wayne- "Russel the Love Muscle" is pretty snarly, how about "3 Feet Pete?" Spanky,I have this great (kill Sparky) recipe for bratwurst. It requires that you boil the brats in beer, of which I have tons, with one big (chop Sparky) headed onion, of which I have none. Since you (dice Sparky) appear to be a popcicle at the moment and since I love (slice Sparky) you like crazy, could you toss that big headed onion sitting in the other puter chair my way? (Julienne Sparky) it would really help me out. Keggers (*wink* I've heard some things...some things.) -anonymous visitor- Visitor forgot about soaking Sparky in beer first. How can Spanky update this site when he doesn't have fingers, let alone a body? -catch ya later DeDork- We dictate it to a snail. I was wondering if cow manure is your favorite fertilzer and some people think spam tastes like s&%t, does s#&t really taste like spam or more like Ramen Noodles. -Cousin Ernie- Rejected, question was full of... Ramen Noodles. What are three major causes of population growth in Upper Canada in the period directly following the 1812 War? -anonymous visitor- Lotsa good music, plenty of bacon, no rubbers. What are seven things you can do with a rubber band? -anonymous visitor- See above question. Okay, here you go, Sparky... What has four wheels and flies and gives Bill Clinton a blow job? -Psycho Lemonhead- Monica Roadkill. If I pull up on my shoelaces hard enough, will I lift myself off the ground? -anonymous visitor- Always reject questions from barefoot visitors. Do you like chili? Do you like being in chili? -anonymous visitor- Don't really travel enough to be sure. I hate people. I absolutely loathe them. Why do I hate people so? Is it because a person stole my Hello Kitty ink pen? -anonymous visitor- Hey, do you have any of the cartridge refills? I was just wondering.Do you onions have any type of porn? And if you do, then what is it like? -Polly Penis- Probably not visitors real name. Um, okay. I see spots. Do you see spots? -anonymous visitor- See Spots run, run Spots run. Why do stars fall down from the sky every time you walk by? -mittens- Rejected, feared getting clobbered with Supernova. Why is everyone so against Spam? I mean, they are cute and cuddly and gentle creatures. I hear that they can cure athlete's foot too. And Spanky? I also hear that the decapitated head of a Spice Girl does wonders for Ramen. Even ask Martha Stewart. And Sparky, do me a favor and tell Jason to meet me here at 11 PM Thursday night. -~MWUAHAHHAHA The Spam Girl~- Rejected, Spam Girl seems to be using site as some sort of bizarre voice mail. Can you, for God's sake, tell me why I'm wasting so much time on this infernally stupid web site? I have spent the better part of two days! I am too old for this sCENSOREDt. -Love, Don- Pfffft, me too. When I grow up I want to move to Texas to raise cows... Do you think that this is an odd career choice? When I tell people this, they look at me funny then have to suddenly go someplace else. What is so wrong with wanting to raise cows from the dead? And would you believe that there are absolutely no colleges around here that specialize in cattle ressurection? I guess I'll have to go to college down in the US. ~MegaBitch~ Question fell asleep so I tipped it over. Someone already asked that question? Fine, I'll get a new one! If a cow eats a hamburger, does that mean that she is a cannibal/savage type of thing? -Serenity- See above question. If you went to an ice cream store and there were only two kinds of ice cream, chocolate and chocolate, which would you buy? -katherine- Question seemed to be slightly lacking in choices. How did it come to pass that scholorly students of the earth's weather patterns named a climatological effect with a Spanish phrase that means "the little boy?" (El Nino) -Blanetalk@newrock.com- Think it was actually named after the guy who saw it first, Al Nino. Who's Spanky? -anonymous visitor- The one with the attitude, and the tongue. In response to last months question, I'd rather Castro, or who ever the hell he is him with a 4x4 with a spike tied to him. -Vanessa- Not really a question. If I don't think so, am I probably not? -anonymous visitor- Right, I think so. Is is it it annoying annoying if if someone someone says says everything everything twice twice?? -******Kentucky Fried Rattail****** ******Kentucky Fried Rattail******- Couldn't do question due to being so drunk I was seeing double. what's the dog made out of? -birdbox- Dog stuff, and some fur on top. Spanky, What is in Kibbles and Bits? I suspect it is the same stuff they put in Hormel Chili. Please clear this up for the record. -Mr. Menu- Chex mix is also made by Ralston, you figure it out. Why do they call them apartments when they're all stuck together?? -anonymous visitor- Fourth most popular question after "Chicken/Egg" "Cat land on it's feet/foot removal" and "woodchuck/chuck." assuming that cats always land on thier feet, what happens if: you remove the cats feet in any manner you see fit, than drop it from the C.N. tower? -anonymous visitor- It would land on it's stumps.

The Used Humor Archive!