Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!
Is my name Jethro? I thought I was Jed.
Rejected, Jed's probably forgotten where the site is anyway.
Who turned out all the lights?
Busy looting, couldn't answer question.
I'm a bit confused. Isn't Spanky immortal? I'm guessing she is 'cause, well, I'm immortal (I'm a stick figure, see), and I can't "die," so I guess I just don't "get" how my darli- I mean, how that spiffy onion Spanky could just up and die like that. Did you try throwing smelling salts at her?
-A Very Depressed Fred The Stick Figure-
We did but she just held some fries up really fast.
I'm still greiving over Spanky's death, and that made me think. Where do onionheads go when they die? Do they go to the big compost heap in the sky?
I'm hoping to end up on a Dominos pizza cause I hear it's a very quick death. (30 minutes or the afterlife is free)
How do you manage to get all this wonderful work done while thinking of all the billions of people throughout the world going about their own individual lives, with all their billions of individual concerns large and small, stemming from their own unbelievably complex individual histories and customs, all of this happening at the very same time, ie right now!!??
Couldn't answer, question had billions of possible responses.
If I sent only half a question, would I get half a rejection?
Nope! You're getting "the works."
What the hell is going on? *tears* Spanky can't just DIE. FCENSOREDk all you NOODLE LOVERS! By the way, is that Jason person who always does this poll single? He sounds cute.
-~MWUAHAHAHAHHA . . . The Spam Girl~-
Question really boiled down, more or less, to "what the hell is going on here" and we'll answer that as soon as we figure it out.
auggggggh!!! I used bubble bath instead of shampoo this morning!! I washed my hair with BUBBLE BATH!!! do you understand my dire situation?!?!?!?it's horrible!!! my hair is all stringy and rough and everything... can I sue the bubble bath company for making bubble bath that looks too much like shampoo? can I sue the shampoo company for making a product that looks too much like bubble bath? can I sue the store for selling shampooo and bubble bath that look too much alike? can I sue the person who invented bubble bath? or shampoo? or can I go and kill the head of the bubble bath company? or how bout my mother who bought the bubble bath in the first place? can I sue her? no, I don't really want to sue my mother... what can I do? how long will the effects of the bubble bath last? when can I expect to have my normal hair back? bubble bath sucks!! I think someone should pay for this... do you think if I wrote a really nice letter asking the bubble bath company to change their packaging... or the colour of their product, do you think they would? huh? do you? and if they don't change it after i write them the letter, can I sue them for that? well come on, answer me... I'm waiting... oh, i have to wait 'till next week for an answer, don't I? can I sue you for unreasonable delay of answers to important questions? oh, it's probably not worth it... you guys are onions after all, how much money can you have? (actually, I'm not really too worried about my hair... it'll survive, but I need money to pay for a trip to France, if you have a better idea, tell me about it but until then, don't tell anyone that I told you that I'm worried about my hair... okay?)
Feared doling out any advice to Valerie, and I don't think I need to explain.
To hell with onions; where's the cheese?
-A nony mouse-
Rejected, good name, cheesy question. (Spanky just said "nguhh" to my clever answer)
Can I blame El Niņo for the weird things going on in my body? According to my meteorologist, there appears to be a high pressure area just west of my stomach, with a cold front moving in from the lungs, which looks like it will pass just south of my spleen. Eyes are partly cloudy with a chance of rain, and there is a drought in my mouth. Highs today 98.6°, but later on tonight I'll dip way down to a frigid 98.5°.
Mr. Fizzles forgot to calculate "wind chill."
If trees have bark, why don't they make noise like dogs do?
I dunno, do dogs have wood?
Is Spanky allergic to ramen? What the hell's going on?
I eat onions for breakfast. MUHAHAHAHA! Does that scare you?
Hid question under kids bed, next to the booga booga man.
Wouldn't we go great together?
Although this question did scare away the vampires, still rejected it owing to possible weird vegetable cross-breeding.
Why do you call the poll "top-secret" if you release the results to the public after a month?
Bwh ha ha ha, it's all a lie. We make up all the numbers and send the real results to telephone solicitors.
Are you guys in any way affiliated with the Dione Warwick psychic hotline?
For the answer to this question, dial 1-900-555-4555
Does Jesus love you? I thought Jesus loved all onions, but then my friend went and told me that onions aren't sentient and so they can't be loved.
Forgot about question after it started raining crickets.
When people ask me: "Where are you going?", I say "To Hell if I don't straighten up"(haha)....and then I like stand up real straight, but see the other day I was driving and I tried to stand up real straight and I ploughed into a parked car. What can I say in my defense?
-The guy that can't decide what my name should be-
Didn't think this question could "stand up" in court.
You Didn't GET ME THE GREEN MEGA MAN! Now I can't make the MegaMegaMAN! I WANT YOU TO DIE! Anyway, how come the USA doesn't just blow up Iraq? We need nothing there. Hell, as far as I'm concerned, all of Asia can go up in smoke. Why don't we nuke half the planet?
Question didn't come with free toy inside.
We all know the shocking truth... DA-DA-DUUUM! I did it! I killed Spanky! I made her into the most delicious fajita the world has ever known!
Visitor forgot to send sour cream. (and some of that flaky green onion stuff too)
If you brought William Tell back to life, and you dropped a cat from a tall building with an apple strapped to its back while Billy readied his bow, would the cat land on its feet?
Question fell out the window, dropped 30 stories, bounced of the pavement, whacked into a mailbox the apple fell off, and Will's kid shot it with an arrow, We would have used it, but while it was lying there on the street, a dog came by and whizzed on it.
Do hermits ever get diarrhea? If so, how do they deal with it?
Spanky's just fine down here. What do you think she'd like better, a pink pitchfork or a picture of Wilford Brimley?
-Prince of Darkness-
Oh hell, I dunno.
I think that I shall never see
Onions as lovely as Spanky and Sparky.
You like that? I wrote it just for you!
I would reject this in a box,
I would reject this with a fox,
I would reject this here or there,
I will reject this anywhere.
(thanks for the poem though)
Hey Onions, Sorry to hear about the loss of Spanky. Couldn't you just put her in a glass of water and grow a new Spanky though?
Question made too much sense.
Okay, here it is. I'm planning my trip to the underworld to retrieve Spanky and bring her back to us (even though I think she looks pretty snappy with the halo and x's for eyes). I have my ball of string, two pounds of liverwurst, a case of my favorite bourbon, duct tape, a garden gnome, and low fat cream cheese. Am I forgetting anything?
-simian (utterly shamed and dejected)-
Couldn't answer, visitor seems to have it all.
Ooooooh! How could Spanky be dead? I liked her more than corn flakes! She was funnier than Sparky and Cranky and the silly Reverend and all that! Why, why, why, why?
Ramen noodles, lotsa Ramen noodles.
Could you pleeeez make me a picture of a dartboard with Cranky on it? Pleeeeez?
I'm in a relationship with a fractal right now... He's really complicated, and sometimes I just can't follow him... Do you think maybe I should leave him for some square or something?
Jough, My question is somewhat poetic
Rather than in stupid prose:
If you inhale a heretic,
Should you go blow your nose?
Question too snotty.
Oh, really? You guys think Valerie's question is the longest real question you've ever gotten? Well, not for long. I can drone on for hours. Sit back, get a pot of coffee and prepare to be amazed.
Of all thing stupid things I've ever attemped, this is most likely, without a doubt, THE DUMBEST THING I have ever done in my life. (And I've done a lot of stupid things.) This all goes back to my childhood, when I was in tee-ball. (Basically you put a ball on a pole and hit it.) All the other kids were better than me at hitting, but not fielding. (I was the only one who knew how to play, but what do you expect from 15 4 year-olds?) I became jealous of the fact that they could hit the ball more than 2 feet. They made fun of me, what else could I do? I mean, being 4 years old, I had never been laughed at, poked fun at and generally being called a geek. (I am a geek, just to inform you.) Naturally, i began to wish I was a decent hitter. (I would even have settled for mediocre.) This jealousy built up inside me like a snowball rolling downhill: Eventually, it was going to get so big, it would crush us all. This was not the only event that began my one way trip to Covetville. Kindergarten: all the other kids always got the good toys. I got that puzzle with 5 pieces missing. This was rather annoying, especially once I had finished the puzzle the second day into the schoolyear. Grade 1: Every other kid had a good lunch. I got vegetables where everyone else got candy. They're all dead now. Grade 2: I couldn't do math. This was the one year where I became jealous of others academic abilities. Grade 3: I hated my teacher. She was obnoxious, annoying, and she had a whiney voice. She always yelled at me when I was timing how fast my friend could drink a juicebox. (His record was 10 seconds, I believe.) I became jealous of kids who's teacher let them time people drinking. Grade 4: I was labelled as a "gifted" child, and had to do extra work, even though I'm lazier than a dog in a sauna on the hottest day of the year. I became jealous of that one stupid kid who nobody expects anything of. (Little punk, he just sat around doing nothing. I think he was the smart one, and was pretending to be stupid so he didn't have to do anything.) Grade 5: Believe it or not, my teacher gave us a "Happy-face" system. This was humiliating. If you were good in class, you got a little happy face on a chart. If you were bad, you lost a happy face. The idea was to get 20 happyfaces in a month. If you did, you got a crappy sucker. (They were those icky yellow ones.) I was never a bad student in class, so I nearly always got a sucker. People called me "Goody-Two-Shoes" and things like that. (I wasnt, a goody-goody, I just never broke anyones legs, so I was viewed as a teachers pet.) I became jealous of those who were bad during class. Grade 6: We had a "Medieval Day" where we had to dress up as the people did in the middle ages. I came in with a cardboard sword wrapped in tinfoil. Mine broke while fighting with others who also had a cardboard sword wrapped in tinfoil. I became jealous of those who had a stronger cardboard sword than I did. Grade 7: I moved to a new school. (not Junior High, still elementary.) It was small, only 200 kids. 2 other guys my age. (Not girls, we had 8 or nine of them but they were all ugly.) I became jealous of those who went to schools with more than 2 other guys their age. (And those who had pretty girls.) Grade 8: Life really started to suck. I became jealous of those who had a non-sucky life. High School: This destroyed me. Thanks to High School, I'm now jealous of everythng. (I wish I had as nice a bow as Spanky.) Also, when you think of it, this is why I wrote this. I was jealous that I didn't hold the record for the longest REAL question ever, and yes, there is an actual question regarding this, just bear with me, I'm making sure that anyone who might be as petty as me is writing one that is longer than this. Basically, that is why I'm so petty and cruel. Now, for the question. Do you guys think there is any hope for me to cast away my jealousy?
P.S.- If anyone trys to beat the length of this question, I will hunt you down like the dog you are and kill you.
-Dominius Mookpiloh, Lord Of This Long Question That He Bets Nobody Will Actually Take The Time To Read-
Visitor forgot to put "red flag" and "wide load" sign on question.
You go girl, Cranky!!!!!! You go, you go, you go. Well, it's about time Spanky died. I always wanted her to answer my questions, but she never did. At least now she has an excuse now. Oh, yeah, all I wanted to say was thanx Keggers for answering my question You kick ass!!! P.S. You go girl!
-Tommy Rae (and the many, many other names (male and female) that I used-
Boy, some he/shes are just soooo sensitive. Had to reject this question so Cranky wouldn't see it and jam it straight up our butts.
Do you have a recipe for shortliver and onions? If so, could I have it?
Can you explain to me the "Phenomenon of the DAAM!" please?
-Fred The Stick Figure-
I would, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna.
Now that Spanky is dead..
Rejected, deranged visitor offering to buy dead body.
Lately, I've been seeing a doctor.. and spots too. I would go talk to a professional, but I'm afraid of being double-billed. Any suggestions?
Used question to clean glasses.
Did you know that if you say "I would rather die choking on my own vomit just like Janice Joplin." at church ALOT of people look at you REALLY funny?
-*Kentucky Fried Rattail*-
Never really thought about it.
Wouldn't a game of Strip Poker with you all never end? I mean, like, isn't there just layer after layer until finally there's nothing? Or after thirty layers or so do things start getting lacy?
Was gonna answer question, suddenly got very interested in something.
Back when there was cavemen and cavewomen, whose bright idea was it to start society and then eventually creating Microsoft? Or, are you going to reject this question because you're not smart enough to answer it.
-Tommy Rae (formely Jimmy Ray)-
Rejected, this one was a real stumper.
I have two questions for you. My brother has a urinary tract infection, and whenever he has to "drain the lizard", well, let's just say that radioactive orange is NOT something I want to see in my throne. Anyway, I always tease him that maybe he's a girl, and we need to start buying him tampons. So, my two questions are: 1) Do they even make tampons that small? 2) Is he going to develop some sort of eating disorder from all of this?
No like pee pee question.
This isn't a question; it's a comment. How 'bout instead of putting "Fee-resh!" next to your new stuff, you put "Ripe!" instead? Huh?
Uh... cause ripe can sorta mean old too.
Why isn't there a button on every computer that you push anytime your system crashes to transfer money directly from your checking account to Bill Gates' account? This would allow system crashes to be quickly and easily recovered, and create the illusion that Microsoft has SOME clue what they're doing.
Because Bill didn't say so.
If there was a person born with no senses what so ever (he couldn't hear, see, smell, taste, or touch) could this person think?
Question too... "lame."
um, i forgot what i was supposed to write, what was it?
Something like "what's your address, I have this new blowup doll that I don't really need and..."
Hi! Me again, Vanessa, I'm at school now! Did you know that Jennifer and Robert are pregnant again?
No, and I didn't "do" either of them.
I was sitting here thinking. and damn it hurts. thinking that is. Why does thinking cause so much pain? Should I stop? or Should I just let my head implode due to the pain of thinking of a question?
Was gonna let HH stew on this one a little more.
Are all right thinking people fed up with being told that right thinking people are sick and tired of being sick and tired of being told that right thinking people are sick and tired? I certainly am not, but I am fed up with being told that I am.
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
MAW answered own question.
Okay, why is it that when a married man buys a couch, all the sales people stay away from him, but when he's with his wife, the sales people won't leave them alone?
-Tommy Rae (Formely Jimmy Ray)-
Had to reject, both of us were fighting over who would answer question.
WHY, REVEREND JOUGH, WHY? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND TORMENT SPANKY SO? NOW ALL OUR LOVE FOR HER HAS DIMINISHED! JUST LIKE NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON! AND YOU?...O.J.! O.J.! THAT'S RIGHT! WE WON'T BUY YOUR BOOK!
Question just drove away in white Bronco.
Listen: I was picking the lint out of my belly button and I think I untied the knot behind it. I tried to put a cork in it but it pops out when I eat. I don't know what to do, I can't go to the doctor...she probably tied the weak knot in the first place. What should I do?
Is R Kelly a pedofile, or a cornofile? Cause he has little kids in corn in many things.. His videos, his pictures.. his pants...
-*Kentucky Fried Rattail*-
Well here we are, but where are we going? I'm sure you've asked yourself that many times. Well here's your chance to answer. Do you think we (as in the human race) are going... A) to eat out at McDonalds as the world slowly dies. B) to have a wild toga party and forget about all of our problems until it is too late to do anything about them anyway. C) to over come our differences and live together in peace and harmony, singing "it's a small world after all". D) to just get really drunk and forget all about this question.
Hard to say, I think I like the "small world choice."
Are Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky having an affair with each other?
No, but I did hear something about a threesome.
Get jiggy wit it? Do you smell sex and candy?
Thank you Pyro Elf.
last week I tripped on a 4x4 and sprained my foot?
-Mad Anthony Wayne-