Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!
I've wanted longer hair for a very very very long time, but, alas, I am a poor student currently procrastinating through school at various levels to avoid joining the "REAL" working world. I've been thinking, instead of getting extensions, which cost a lot of money, do you think I could settle for some ramen noodles? would they rot? Should I cook them first? Should I add the little flavor packet first? I'm SO confused!
-Nanda of the Short Hair-
Rejected question, Spanky felt a little funny after reading this.
What exactly is a ramen? Is it like the sha-men or it is more like the military G-men?
Spanky passed-out moments after she saw this.
Sparky, Do Ramen noodle packages normally go bad? I opened up my cabinet, and one of the packages was pointing a .357 Magnum at me. I happen to have quite a few Ramen noodle packages in my cabinet and I am concerned that they will ALL go bad. Any suggestions?
Rejected, Spanky threw up, the doctor said she should stay in bed and not shoot any more noodles.
Jough, Ramen noodles aren't REALLY 'fake' are they?? Do they not eat Ramen in china?? Do american/chinese not eat Ramen?? If they ARE fake, then what are they made of??
Couldn't see this question, the defibrillator was messing up the computer screen.
I was trying to make myself some ramen soup when I realized I was all out of hot water! I went to the grocery store to get some, but they don't stock it. Do you know where I could get some?
- Fred The Stick Figure -
After she read this Spanky bloated up really bad and we had to put her in the salad spinner to try and dry her off.
Someone told me the other day that my perfectly curled hair reminded them of a package of Ramen Noodles. Should I accept the compliment? I mean, just who curls the Ramen Noodles? Is it someone famous?
Spanky's breathing started to get a little shallow.
Do I like ramen noodle soup?
- Fred The Stick Figure -
Forgot about question because I had to go out and get some medicinal pickles.
Why do cup noodles (ramen noodles) have so much fat content in them? Are they trying to kill us off with cholesterol?
-hok hok hok-
Spanky coughed up a lung.
Why is it that Ramen always smells like chicken soup no matter what flavor it is?
Spankys right eye started twitching.
Raman noodles. Mmm-mmm good. Only problem is, I have this umm friend, and she has it stuck up my--I mean her---YOU KNOW WHAT and I, NO! she doesn't know what to do about it. Spanky, could you help me--I mean, my friend?
Spanky's left eye started twitching.
Sparky, may I have a cookie? I've been subsisting on Ramen Noodle Soup all week, and a nice cookie would just about hit the spots.
-Thanks, Sparkster. The Reverend Jough Approximately-
Spanky's tongue actually slipped back in her mouth.
Patrick farted today in Algebra class and it stank. I figured he hadn't been eating enough fiber lately, so I handed him a pack of Raman Noodles. Do you think that those have enough fiber in them to keep him for **you know whating** in class?
-from georgia and her really weird friend angela-
Spanky's eyes rolled up in her head and we thought she was dead for a minute, but then she stood straight up in the bed and said "Bluuhublargblblb be be be" so we thought she was back to normal.
Hey, you guys know those Raman noodle thingys? Well, one day, I was rather hungry, and thought "I don't want to wait for the water to boil." So, I ate the noodles and the broth raw. I think I'm dead. Do you know how salty those things are? BLARG! Anyway, how many Raman noodles can you eat before having a heart attack?
-Dominius Mookpiloh, Lord Of The Heart Attack.-
Spanky's bow shot off her head and her ears turned purple.
I was walking along the street the other day and I tripped of a empty raman soup container. Do you think they could design an edible one some day, maybe made out of all those pickles people throw out of the McDonalds burgers.
All Spanky's hair fell out.
i love paste. i eat it and it gives my tummy that reinforcement i need every day. i just wish i could force out an excrement. do you think this is related? my doctor told me i might have hardening of the intestines or something. he asked me to bring in a stool sample, but all i could produce was a little brown "trinket" which happened to look alot like "Raman soup mix" - i had to keep it! now i charge 3 bucks a person to view it. do you wanna see it? (i'd only charge you 2 bucks). Please help me with my bowels as i am not eating anything (except paste) until you respond!
The doctor gave us his bill, Spanky started making spit bubbles and humming.
Hey, who's that delivery guy? He's not bad, but I think he's in desperate need of some Raman noodles. Of course, that's just my opinion. Anyway, here's my question: why did you change the name from wwwVOice to Onionhead World? I don't know about you guys, but it confuses the HELL outta me. And then, I had to spend my precious time updating the text of the link I have on my page. Precious, precious, time, wasting away.
-Just wasting away ... GeoRGIA (weeeee!)-
Spanky said she felt better and would like to go out and do some Kariokee.
Who is Rayman and why does he make those horrible noodle soup-things that taste like wet pieces of paper soaked in motor oil? Is he related to Reverend Jough?
Spanky drops dead.
In you's opinions, what is the best darned way to make lots of money in a short amount of time. (not really fast but not really slow either) Must be legal and moral also.
Wrote "put all your money in this bag" on back of question.
There's this wacky Indian guy in my computer lab, and he has a waggy head. That is, it bobs up and down all the time, like he's one of those annoying little dashboard dogs. My question is, what causes that? (I don't want to ask him, cuz he might get mad.)
Always reject questions about waggy Indians.
Someone told me the other day that my perfectly curled hair reminded them of a package of Roman Poodles. Should I accept the compliment? I mean, just who curls the Roman Poodles? Is it someone famous?
Cherries no fool smart onionheads, this is a thinly disguised ramen noodle question.
If 1+1 is 2....then why is my face all smushed up against the elevator door?
Pushed all the questions buttons, and then got off.
HOw do You guys cOme up WIth such fabUlouS poll quesTions?
Thanks Snarky! It's cause we're polish.
If you had a pet donkey, what special tricks would you teach it? Do any of them require a spoon? Can I have your home phone number?
Juggling, no, no.
Greetings, my darling eyeball-less white onion friends! Why does Bill Clinton have that cleft on his nose?
It attracts the chicks!
Why do people say love hurts? Isn't the absense of love that hurts??
-pathetic loser Cameron-
You're right, love feels good, rejection hurts.
Presidents Day Question: What's up with Abe Lincoln's beard? Obviously huge jutting facial hair was a big deal in the 1800's but did Lincoln have to have the biggest facial hair because he was the president? Or was he .hiding. something. Perhaps the lack of a chin?
Feared question might try to not have sexual relations with me.
is the reverend jough retarded? i could go into much detail, but i don't think i need to. do you trust him? i bet he is hoarding all the chocolate waffles!
Elvis has never offered us any "alleged" waffles.
Does my hand smell funny to you?
No, not funny at all.
I was looking forward to Easter, you know, with the cadbury eggs and all that, so I asked my mom if she still had a good raport with the Easter Bunny... (she used to get him to give me rabbit eggs, instead of those yucky chicken ones) and you'll never guess what happened! She told me THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS THE EASTER BUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!! naturally, I was heartbroken, and I went to my father with this heinous news, asking him to please deny that it was true. But OH CRUEL WORLD!! how dost thou torment me!!! my father told me the news was true... how could my own parents have done something like that to their child? when I asked them this, instead of answering me, they infoormed me, in the cruellest way possible, that there was no such thing as Santa Clause either!!! I broke down right there... no Easter Bunny, no Santa Clause, whatever is the world comming to? how can I survive in this cruel place? my dreams, my hopes all stripped away like some yellow banana peel, only there was no mushy fruit inside, all that was there was a pack of lies, perpetrated by the ones I thought loved me oh how awful the world seems now, although yesterday it was as though it was a beautiful feild, covered in rose bushes, and the greenest grass you could ever imagine, the sun shining brightly on the breezy glen. But now that sun has gone behind a cloud and the breeze has turned to a bitterly cold and biting wind the plain is dark and dank the grass is brown and withered, the roses have turned black and fallen crackeling to the ground, to be stomped on by evil footfalls of unloving decietful parents the thorns are sharp and draw blood from passers by and the blue clear sky has been revealed as nothing but a painted backdrop.so my question is, can I sue my evil parents for wrongful deceit? or witholding vital information? or destruction of property? (my dreams) if I can't do those, can I at least legally disown them? Please... I desperately need your legal advice... thank you
No time answer big question. Besides, felt Valerie might suggest that the Tooth Fairy is all made up too. (on a special note, this is probably the longest real question we've ever gotten.)
Who does a better Weekend Update; Colin Quinn or Norm MacDonald?
Just sat there and smiled like a moron at the question waiting for the laughs to start.
Strictly a grrl's question
If you had solid proof the spousal unit was foolin' around, your reaction would be:
1. Hire Helga, megabitch lawyer from hell. Have her send him a letter addressed to 'Dead Man Walking'.
2. Have the kids with signs reading "Daddy's a cheating dirtbag" stand outside of his workplace.
3. Carrying on a torrid affair with a biker named Mad Dog. Tell the world of your love. Bring Mad home for Thanksgiving Day dinner ala Norman Rockwell.
4. Call hubby's inamorata, ask her if she knows about his medical problem. Profusely praise her courage.
5. Cancel the house insurance, spaz out and burn the place down.
6. Tell his mother
-De Ole Sarge-
Good question, might try to use it in the March poll.
There's a rather large spider in my bathroom with my pet yak halfway down its throat. In a senseless act of love and compassion, should I tackle the beast and render it helpless by rubbing soap in its 14,346,603,238,903,133 eyes, or move out and wait for it to die from lack of food and just buy a new yak?
Rejected, question just kept staring at me.
In answers to Questions of the week, #66, a large whale appeared. After seeing Onionheads for a long time, this large whale picture startled me, almost causing me to fall out of my chair. I'd appreciate it if you would have a warning just above any large images in the future. Also, since you have many guest speakers such as Reverend Jough and Cranky, you also should have such as Mr. T as a guest. Thank you.
Wanted to do really really big picture/joke thing this week. Couldn't think of anything bigger than a whale though.
Dear Onion Why, now that I have left my pre-teens behind, is my voice suddenly becoming wavery, and unreliable ? And how come I've more, uh, hair, than I used to ? On my chin. And why do girls smell so nice ? And what IS that feeling I get when I'm on the top deck of the bus?
Wasn't sure about question, something about smelly hairy girls on top of buses.
Can I be one of your friends on your friends page?
Sure, just mail us a picture of your head and we'll slap it up there.
Wow, that's purty impressive, you two leetle onions answering people's questions. What college did you go to, and how did you fill out the application form?
Rejected, couldn't figure how to type up an answer.
Fine, this $%&*#'n IBM stinkpad has cradhed ahain anf I;m tuping pn a blanj fuvjin screem again!!
-Man do thede thinfs suck!!!!-
Washed question's mouth out with soap.
How come you alwaays reject my questions? III caan't seee whyy youu haaaave to reject minee o yeea andd myy lkeyys aare stickinggg sorrrrrry.
We love you wembly, just waiting for that question that answers itself.
That Jough certainly has beefed up over the years, hasn't he?
Always reject questions about beefy reverends.
How much onion could Elvis Shortliver chuck, if Elvis Shortliver would do something like that?
-~Just curious. StrawberryMelon~-
Run for your lives, it's a woodchuck question!
Um... If you're, like, Onion World now, why don't you change your domain name?
One word... ahundredbucks.
How come you can't park on a parkway, but you can get high on a highway?
Rejected, visitor probably crashed into the median by now.
Does honey give you hives?
Question stung me.
If people are starving in Africa, why don't they just eat the people who starved to death? I mean, come on--in those survival movies where people crash on mountains and get stranded, people eat people. Maybe they don't because if they ate all the starved people there'd be no more starved people to eat? Then they'd all starve! What do you think?
What was the question? ... we were busy ordering a pizza.
If you always pee in a cup and drink it, will you ever get dehydrated?
So lets say you and Sparky are driving in a car because you want to buy some stuff at the local website convenience store to put on this page. And lets say it is a 1996 Buick, blue, with big fins on the back. Well the jerk ahead of you stops for no reason, gets out salutes you and flops on the ground like a fish. How the heck are you two driving if you have no arms?
Was gonna use this question but it suddenly jumped out of the browser and started flipping around all over the place.
Are the Backstreet Boys just a reproduction of New Kids on the Block, or am I just imagining it?
Question had a nice beat, you could dance to it, I give it a nine.
Is it normal to get turned on by Elmo? Cause, um, my friend really wants to know... I swear..
-*Kentucky Fried Rattail* (aka: I laughed, I cried, I gave Elmo a blowjob, um, well, my friend did...)-
Probably not visitors real name.
What kind of rug is George Michael wearing on his head?? I´d love to get one for my doghouse.
Visitor really should be redirected to the doghouse refurbish homepage.
Spark/Spank, Last week, Tommy Rae asked who was nerdier between the two of you. I believe that I can answer that question. Sparky is, without a doubt. I mean come on, he cannot accessorize worth a damn. Notice how Spanky's bow matches her tongue perfectly? That also answers the question why Spanky doesn't change her bow color. Also, Spanky brushes her hair in such a way that follows the flow of her facial features AND she does not have bed head. Sparky looks like he just got out of the rack. (Kinda reminds me of Bill G. hmmm.) I hope that I helped to clear this up. Spanky, you need to teach your significant onion how to "work" with what Farmer McGregor gave him.
-Your Friend, Keggers-
Rejected, They're both nerds.
Why do you torment me so?
Because you keep asking us to.
if there once was a man named alice, would he have lived in a palace? would he have lived with a snake? would he have liked to eat cake? and why was the man named alice? his parents must have been cruel. did they even feed him gruel? the poor guy was made fun of, he was called a sonof... and that was cus he was a mule. right?
Too many questions.
I think chickens are rubber humans, but it's in their innerself that they just can't express, so there you go... haha. P.S. Would you like to donate $25 to the russian colonists' foundation to help plan a plan to blow up the US... uh, er... I mean the James Bond foundation to stop those stupid russians! Woo, that was a close one! I think they bought it! Uh oh, did I say that or think that? Doh, I said that! And that too... CAN'T YOU SHUT UP, BRAIN? Please excuse this interruption... SHUT UP BRAIN! pow, slatch, boink Ohh, I think I hurt myself... is this TV on... ::turns it on...:: AHH! Look at the pretty pictures, uhh... Don't worry, it has nothing to do with me drinking, I just wish I hadn't srank all that cough syrup this morning... P.P.S. I threw up on your kitchen counter this morning! P.P.P.S. If I cut you both into a million pieces, will I cry all my liquid out, that I'll just die down like a bub and sink in water and all that stuff?
Rejected, thought this was actually from Mr. Potato Head for a minute and poked a bunch of appendages into it.
I hate those African Pigmys... What color are you Onionheads? All I'm seeing is this black-and-white picture of you... Elvis Shortliver is a bazooka owner also, you know... so don't EVER call him stupid... YOU HEAR THAT ELVIS? SPANKY AND SPARKY WOULD NEVER CALL YOU STUPID! Have a nice day.
Not really a question, more like some sort of "rave-fest" with a happy ending.
I have this great idea for a movie. Well... OK here goes. They should make a movie about the Spice Girls BUT... All of the sinister vixens would have origoinal onion heads. What do you think?
Already had Spice girl question this week.
Sparky, If I send you a really stupid question really late Friday night, maybe one that's not even that interesting and maybe even dumber than your use too, will you still answer it?
I'd give it a really stupid answer on a Sunday night?
Hey Sparky and Spanky. Do you like this banner that I have designed for my website? Come now, be honest.
Nice banner, felt it was just a sneaky way to get a plug though.
Do you know where I might locate the El Nino complaint department?
I heard it just blew away.
There's this dude...and I really really like him. But I have this problem. He's bald... Should I go for him, anyway?
OOOoooooh!!!! KILL ME SPARKY, KILL ME!!!!
Soon as I free up some time.
I've heard enough about slick Willy I want to know has Hillary slept with any whitehouse women interns?
Maybe have a lesbo theme next month.
Spanky, have you ever considered wearing a headband or a hair clip or barettes instead of your bow?
Wearing a halo at the moment.
I was just wondering: since you're an onion, if you start to cry, does that cause you to peel?
When a cow laughs, does milk come out of it's nose? --
Aaak, did this on #11
Whenever my friend Heather says 'spiffy', I say waffles irons and whenever I say 'nifty], she says 'hippy bus'. When we think of waffle iron hippy buses, we end up having an odd conversation about bondage and cream cheese. What the hell is wrong with us?
-~MWUAHAHHAA! The Spam Girl~-
Nice food and sex mix, wasn't sure which type of cracker to spread it on.