Onionhead World The Rejected Question Archive : #46 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

Onionheaded friends Last week I fell off an eight foot cliff and landed on a rock. Now my arm is bent at a 90 degree angle between my elbow and wrist, and there's some bone protruding, but it stopped bleeding yesterday, and whenever I breathe, my lungs make a gurgling noise, and I cough up some sort of foamy, blood/phlegm mixture. Do you think it's just a sprain? -Mr. Fizzles- Rejected. Didn't want to move question until paramedics arrived. Have you and Spanky ever considered auditioning for roles in a porno film? I've got some script ideas if you're interested. -Farmer Ned- Hid question under my mattress. Hey! I'm apalled! why is my hunky-self picture a thumbnail! *cries* I guess you guys don't like me either. Quick! What do you do if you get your foot stuck in the toilet? P.S.- Make my pic bigger. You know all those cans that say "Do Not Shake-May Explode"? Well, no matter how much I shake this one, It just won't blow up! Whaddaya suggest? P.S.- Make my pic bigger. How old do onions get before they grow mold? P.S.- Make my pic bigger -Dominius (I want my pic bigger)Mookpiloh- Dominius we love you. But you were taking up so much of the page that the guy with the axe said you were invading his personal space. So, I was throwing eggs at the freakish garden gnome in my weird-ass neighborb's front lawn and it hit me (and it wasn't the gnome)! I need to find a hobby! What kind of hobby do you happy onions think would be appropriate for a monkey like me? -simian - Folded question into Origami bird and put it into my collection. why does my amp play country music everytime i turn it on? is this some sort of sign from the Grand High Cheese-Weevil or are country radio stations all around the world banding together to force their vile fruit upon the innocent masses? -MoleStank- Question got "stepped all over" while Boot Skootin'. I have a friend at the post office who is willing to take my late-model semi-auto AR-15 as a trade for his full-auto but slightly older AK-47. Does this sound like a good deal to you? -Trusting your judgement, Big Ed- Traded question for a Bazooka. Hey Spanky, Sparky looks cute, and my husband's getting boring, sooo, you wanna switch men? Ralphie's good at answering questions. -vistorette- Sorry, traded Sparky for a piece of Bazooka. yes, but if peanit better sticks to thar roofe of your mouth, can your dog catch frisbeeeeez? -anonymous visitor- Played catch with sandwich. The dog never threw it back. I was attending a Super Bowl party and I was saddened by the fact that the hosts actually had the gall to serve Onion Dip when they know I am, like one of your biggest fans. I was so upset that I stopped watching the game, drank a lot of Budweiser and brooded about how I could get revenge. I couldn't think of anything so I ask you..what do you guys do to get revenge on people/places that serve some of your relatives or friends as food??? -Seriously Saddened Shat- We put them on this page. When I click on Spanky's onoin head, (something which I enjoy doing, and do often) Your site tells me that a Spanky is one that spanks. Wouldn't a spanky one that is getting spanked? The spanker is the one who does the spanking? -slightly cinfused SLY- Rejected, visitor actually tried to correct us. Do you have any idea how I could get in touch with Willy Wonka? I want him to loan me some of those Oompaloomps to do my site updates. -Cherries- Check here. Hey, how come my onionhead isn't up yet? Speakingof which, you should be able to bounce all your onionhead friends on the Trampoline thingy! -RAVEN the impatient- That would be only because it wasn't so much a picture of an onion head so much as a rather large scantily clad woman, thanks for the wallpaper though! Sparky, Was there a poll to find out that your poll is the longest running stupid poll on the internet or did you just say that to make you feel better. -Meli- Actually, hehe, we just sort of made that whole "longest running" thing up. But don't tell anybody. What shape do you think your burgers should be? (Square/Triangle/Circle/Tetrahedral/Amorphous/Just a blob) -By Tom Parker (palfrey@dircon.co.uk)- Visitor forgot to ask if I wanted fries with that. What is the best way to get a job at the post office? a) Spend the summer at a Lybian terrorist training camp b) Visit the post office each day with a bag of newly delivered mail and say "so you fellas need any help with this?" c) Storm in the post office with a pit bull and demand an interview d) Spend the day at the post office offering to lick peoples envelopes closed whether or not it is already sealed e) Send a 3lb package of Kim Shee and Limburger cheese and threaten to do so every day until they hire you -anonymous visitor- Saving question for February poll. Why does my name have to be Jethro if I can't think of a question? -Jon- It doesn't have to be, it just helps. Why, oh why did you forget about me? -Mad Anthony Wayne- Let's see, loaf of bread, gallon of milk and oh yeah, Mad Anthony Wayne. What can I use my belly-button fluff for besides wrapping around a match and cleaning the wax out of my ears ( which is good for making candles ) -.Aussie.- Navally Bizarre. Why are there so many lousy radio stations and so few good ones? -$#++RrD- Question wasn't in stereo. Hey Sparky and Spanky. Do you believe in reincarnation? Is it possible that you onionheads could have been that dude from "The King and I" and Miss Pac Man, in your past lives? Also, what do you think about the Pope's visit to cuba? Do you think he should grow a beard like Fidel Castro, or should he remain clean shaven? Does Sparky shave? Does Spanky? O.K. how bout that fish? -The great "Barnaby Wild" says let those with facial hair stand with their fist in the air and shout hallelujah. Oh by the way, he strikes again too!- Feared question might be from a former week. My head always hurts after I pound it with my baseball bat. Can I sue the Louisville Slugger company for not putting a warning label on their bats? -Mr. Fizzles- Feared answering question my invoke "sue happy" visitor to come after us next. If this is all a dream, I mean, if none of this is real...then what's this? - Fred The Stick Figure - this (thîs) pron., 1.The person or thing present, nearby, or just mentioned. How might one go about removing 27 paper clips from their ear. The first was an accident, the subsequent 26 got stuck trying to retrieve the previous one. -Jason- Used question to hold together tax forms. I have decided to present my question in a multiple choice format. Here is the question: 3. You pass wind quietly in a very public place and the smell is almost overbearing. When everyone smells it you say: A. "I'm terribly sorry everybody. My psychiatrist told me that I subconsciously fart in public as an attention seeking excercise, which is a throwback to my white anglosaxon catholic upbringing, though I am sorry only in an existential sense and not in a christian fundamental guilt conceptual sense." B. "SNIFF UP BIG! THERE'S ENOUGH TO GO AROUND TWICE!" C. "I can't even bring you out in public, can I Mum..." D. "Look! Lard is only a 1.99 a kilo over there..." -Thanks for your precious time...Matt- Interesting decision. Hello? -Loofie the Onion- Hi. I tried to put my URL on your keyboard but ran out of w's. What do I do? -Loofie the Onion- Visitor probably can't reach our site cause keyboard is all screwed up now anyway. What is you favouryte cloure? You need a thingy at the top of the page saying: There's no such thing as a stupid question. Only stupid people. -Loofie the Onion- Transparent. Anyone know of a good place to eat at in Harlem this weekend, I am going to. -Loofie the Onion- McDonalds If I were 300lb. burrito, would anyone eat me? -Chicken Burrito- Thought I ordered question without onions. In your question "What's the best way to lose weight?", define "EAT Jenny Craig" -Farmer Ned- Boiled or baked, not fried. What should a multiple personality scizophrenic do if none of their personalities can agree on which game to play? -Jason- Rejected, rejected and I reject it too. Does Black and Decker make a BustDuster? -Farmer Ned- Question sucked. Do you know where I can find a bayonette attachment for my DustBuster? -Jason- (see above question) Sparky and Spanky, my onions have started sprouting in the crisper drawer. How do I keep this from happening? -Martha Stewart's Evil and Worthless Twin- Put them in a cold shower. I popped the keys off my keyboard and re-arranged them as you suggested. The software I worked on for the new Boeing 777's autopilot tried to access your web site in mid-flight and sent the aircraft careening into a bus load of nuns. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot. -Jason- Not really a question. But you're welcome. FOOK? -anonymous visitor- No thanks, I had a big dinner. I just figured out what these letters are for. how come now nobody wants to talk back i tried everything I could think of writing with my toes, in the nude, in the nude with my toes. what do you think I should do? -Porno queen wanna be- Sexually bizarre. Everybody wonders what happens if you drive at the speed of light and turn on your headlights. But, what happens if you drive backwards at the speed of light and turn on your headlights? -Mr. Fizzles- Question now in 1962, can't answer it yet. I want to sing and dance and be happy like all of them pretty people with the big hair on TNN. I dunno if I ever can, though, 'cause my Mommy tells me I'm a piece of hog shit. And my daddy beats me. And my aunt Clara is having an affair with my brother Jim Bob. He's 12, and he has carrot red hair. My teacher hit me with a ruler yesturday, and I told him that I wusn't gonna put up with that. He hit me again and I jumped out the window. You know, I kilt my puppy this mornin'. My uncle Clarence only has one leg, and his wife Amy Sue says she's gonna move out if he don't get her a nice trailer like he promised. She's the one in the family who really likes to put them plastic deer in her front yard. They's pretty, I think, but Momma says they're tacky. She says classy folks like us don't put those in our front yard. We only put fake flowers in ours. But then, they gets all messed up 'cause Daddy parks his big jumbo truck up in the grass, right next to the ! trailer. Our trailer, it's pink with brownish trim, and I think it's elegant like. Jim Bob was born in the back of the truck. Momma didn't even know she was pregnant with me, just thought she had to poop real bad. Grandma Ginny lives behind our trailer in a shack. Grandpa died a long time ago. He was a tap dancer, and I never got to meet him. Jim Bob did though, and he says his head looked like a big giant onion. Do you know whut? Jim Bob gots body odor, real bad. Just thought I'd let you know that. I haven't taken a bath in two weeks. Momma says it's healthier that way. I was at Wal-Mart 'bout an hour ago, and I run into this lady who taught me when I was in the first grade two years ago. I told her I got a computer for Christmas and she said that's nice. I told her I got online and she said that's scary. That's all. -Georgia- Rejected novel. If your name was Disco Pete, how would dress? {Brown crushed velvet suit, brown crushed velvet vest, pink and white striped shirt, 1940's Brooklyn hat, large, frilly chest hari} -Mad Anthony Wayne- Used part of this question on the weekly page. Where can I get a good salad? -_Japan_- Rabbit ate question. Are onion rings actually the way to tell how old you guys are? -Captain Pyro- No silly, no matter how many you line 'em up, we'd always be zero years old. Sparky? Spanky? Where am I? Where ever I am, I have to get home before dinner or my mom will be mad. Help me? -Snaggletooth- Question got grounded. Hey guys! If you were the oppisite sex for a single day, what would you do??? -Polli Esther- Rejected question, neither one of us could figure out how to pee. Hey! what would happen if I put this here?... SHORTLIVER@AOL.COM -Elvis Shortliver- Waited, nothing happened. In the Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow sang about wanting a brain. he sings "I would dance and be merry life would be a ________" . A dinkleberry? a dago bentley? what the heck is it???? Does he have that gay-man's disease? Does Forrest Gump from Oz? I NEED TO KNOW!!!!! ps - trying to abstain from puke-o-rama -Elvis Shortliver- Tortured question for hours, still wouldn't reveal it's secret code. How come there is no plural for the word Moose as in Goose and Geese. I've watched those National Geographics tapes and I have seen more than just one Moose. Is there just one Moose because if so he must really move fast must be a Bullwinkle. -Candiac Max Ice Storm 98 Survivor- Mounted question on wall. Wooo . . . it's me AGAIN. You see Spanky and Sparky, I have this PROBLEM. I can't stop reciting a certain poem by Robert Frost. It's called "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening" and even though I detest it, I can't get it out of my head. So, I was at this old guy's funeral the other day, and all of a sudden I start going "whose woods these are I think I know, his house is in the village though . . . " and it was just SCARY! So I slapped myself in an attempt to stop any more nonsense from escaping my lips. It worked for a few moments but then, it started up again! " . . . he will not see me stopping here to watch his woods fill up with snow . . ." I kept on and on, getting louder and louder. Pretty soon, all of the people at the funeral were staring at me, and the little old ladies were crying and smudging their cakey make-up. I felt SOOOOO horrible, but it's not like I did it on purpose. Damn it, Spanky and Sparky, how do I get this freakin' poem ou! t of my head???? -Georgia- Question didn't rhyme. Sparky, doesn't it seem strange to you that Martin Luther King is the only *individual* who gets his own holiday? Now, don't get me wrong, I have a great deal of respect for Dr. King, but don't you think that the day could better be served by having a "Civil Rights Leaders" day, or something, like they did when they dropped Washington's and Lincoln's birthdays for the more egalitarian "President's Day"? - Just pinin' -- The Reverend Jough Approximately- Took whole day off, still couldn't answer question. Why ask why? -PyroElf- What? I am gay. How about you? -anonymous visitor- I'm pretty happy today. Are you ready to rumble!!!!!! -with darb\=- Threw question out of ring. is wider better? yes, no, for women, for men, in some states, lets try it -anonymous visitor- Rejected, would have to put red flag on question to use it.

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