wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing
The Rejected Question Archive : #45
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!


Onionheaded friends


R E J E C T
If they can supersize the meals, why can't they offer a mini version? I can get a child-size soft drink, a small hamburger, but no small (I mean really tiny) order of fries (five to ten fries). And I end up paying twice as much for those as for their "super meal combos"! P.S. I read Elvis Shortliver's question about drinking coffee and throwing up and - I think he's pregnant!
-The Big Sister-
Rejected, he probably just ate all his fries. (see next question)


R E J E C T
Hey sparky and spanky. feeling queasy. Just read where elvis shortliver got sick and then he threw up on the glass door. OMIGOD, I'm getting sick. where's the bromo seltser? where's the pepto? I THINK I'M GONNA RALPH MAN!!!!!! so how are you onionheads doing today? Bleachhhhhhhh.
-the great "barnaby wild" pukes (sorry bout that)-
Okay, we draw the line at the "Puke-O-Rama." (see next question)


R E J E C T
THE NOW FAMOUS REJECTED ELVIS SHORTLIVER PUKE QUESTION FROM LAST WEEK:
ok, i was sitting on the porch today, drinking coffee and pondering, when all of a sudden, i threw up all of the coffee i had drunk. it wasn't like normal, i had no warning signs. i tried to make it to the front door to puke outside, but i only made it TO the door, a glass door which, by the way, looked quite nasty by the time i was through. what causes these crazy things? i didn't feel sick before or after. am i gay? should i eat sand or something to quiet my stomach down? please help as i am not eating until you answer me...
-elvis shortliver-
Threw some of that orange stuff on question and just swept it up.


R E J E C T
Re-arrange the keys on my keyboeard into the shape of your URL? I'd love to, but, sadly, my keyboard doesn't have 6 W's. Maybe it's defective. Could you help me out here?
-RAVEN-
Wwwwwwowwwwww, wwwwwwonderful question. Wwwwwwe wwwwwwere wwwwwwrong!


R E J E C T
Why is it that when a horse and a donkey mate, it's called a mule; why isn't it called a honkey?
-Cameron Michelle L.-
Good funny question. Rejected it anyway.


R E J E C T
At what age do you think about sex most?
0-12
13-17
18-21
22-30
31-40
41-50
51+
OR
who thinks about sex more?
men
women
-anonymous visitor-
Had to think about baseball while reading question.


R E J E C T
What's the best commonly available home appliance to use when killing a door-to-door salesman?
a) TV Remote
b) Dustbuster
c) Coffee maker
d) Chainsaw
e) Orange Juicer
-Jason-
Used back of question for "no soliciting sign" to post on front door.


R E J E C T
so...how's it going? I just got to your site for the first time in eons. My dad put a lock on the internet connecter softwear. You wouldn't happen to know it, would you? I know this much, it has 8 symbols, and he likes to have his name in his passwords. Okay, wait! I bet you need to know his name, right? Here it is-William Joseph Fitzgerald. HEY! YEAH, THE REST OF YOU! GOT IT YET (spanky- I addressed this caps question to your other visitors)? Okay, I know this letter is suky, but, hey, what do you want from me?
-Your devoted (and in need of help for password!!!) fan, *Shanno*-
(For the answer to this question, go to FBI.com and enter this fourteen digit code: X1254651258569)


R E J E C T
Dear Sparky, A religious question: Is it morally wrong to murder your wife, even if it is out of love?
-Sin-cerely, O.J. Sin-sin-
Accidentally dropped question behind Kato's window.


R E J E C T
Spanky, Did you notice that if you stare at the flourescent light in your computer desk long enough that it is all you can see for an hour? I did this during school and failed my test, but I just can't get wenougjh of that preety light!
~more screwed up than you and loving it~
Thought I saw this question at the end of tunnel.


R E J E C T
Why does the sun go on shining? Why does the sea rush to shore? Don' they know it's the end of the world? It ended when you said Goodbye.
-Hok-
Okay, everybody all together now... Don't say no, it's the end of the world... la la la la la.


R E J E C T
Say you had this special talent: that there was one place on your body, and whenever anyone touched it at all, you had an immediate orgasm...what part of your body would you choose?
-anonymous visitor-
Great question. Had to have cigarette afterwards.


R E J E C T
Dear sparky and spanky. Did you two start out as onion seeds, or are you part of a secret government conspiracy which deals with onion cloning, or are you both some kind of genetically altered lab mice that are trying to take over the world, (no wait a minute thats those other guys) anyway what are you and what do you want from me and whats with this fish!
-The great "Barnaby Wild" strikes again-
Who are we gonna reject today Sparky? Same guy we reject every day Spanky, trying to take over the web. (snarf)


R E J E C T
Consider the word uselessness. Use. Less. Ness. I know what use and less is. But what the heck is a ness?
- Fred The Stick Figure -
Elliot? A big sea monster in Scotland?


R E J E C T
Every night, I dream of Winnie the Pooh trying to kill me. He's got these bloodshot eyes and he is pointing a machine gun at me as I try to run away from him in vain. I don't know what's wrong with me. How do I make these dreams stop? I'm going insane!!
-Princess Buttercup-
Oh bother, rejected again.


R E J E C T
DO you think that the new X -33 from NASA will ever fly in space, and if so, will there be any cheese on board?
-anonymous visitor-
No, I understand it attracts snakes.


R E J E C T
To Spanky, Why is it Fast Food Chains mention that a burger has processed chesse on it? If I was an owner of a Fast Food Chain I wouldn't be particulary proud of the fact I use fake cheese would you?
-Clara, Toronto Canada-
Rejected, what's with all the cheese questions this week?


R E J E C T
If I got really drunk and then literally ran over someone and killed them. Could I be up for Running While Under The Influence Of Alcohol? What is the maximum jail-term/fine I could get?
-jamjars-
Rejected. Question got seized and admitted into evidence as exhibit #13567-B.


R E J E C T
Hey guys, could please explain to me what 'potted meat' is? I mean, do you bury a slab of beef in the yard and let it forment for a week or so? Somehow, that doesn't sound appealing.
-simian-
Rejected, question too meaty-ocre.


R E J E C T
Hi! Why does sugar taste so yummy? I love to eat it!
-Snaggletooth-
Spun question around and put it on stick.


R E J E C T
The country of France: fact or fiction? Personally, I chose to disbelieve it's existence.
-simian-
Oh yeah? Let's see you explain "French Fries" away pal.


R E J E C T
Do I have to submit a question to be rejected by you folks? Couldn't you just reject me every week for the fun of it?
-Cherries-
Rejected question. Whoo that was fun!


R E J E C T
I'f I was gonna post naked pictures of my ex-boyfriend on the internet along with his address and Phone # where would the best place be, to get the most "exposure"?
-bitter chick-
Just mail 'em along to: spanky@wwwvoice.com


R E J E C T
I was out driving the other day when this cop went flying by at well over the posted speed limit. Trying to be a good citizen, I pulled him over, approached his car, and asked if I could see his license and registration. As he began beating me with his baton, I think I heard him say something about having been in a high-speed chase with a suspected serial killer. Did I do something wrong?
-Jason-
Rejected. Feared question might incite a riot.


R E J E C T
Why would the Unabomber try to hang himself with his own underwear? It's been proven time and again that B-cup underwire bras work best.
-Captain Pyro-
Rolled up question and used it as a fuse.


R E J E C T
My other voices tell me that the only reason I talk to myself is because no one else listens. Is this true?
-Mr. Fizzles-
Spanky? Did you hear something?


R E J E C T
If you sliced a bagel with a Morgul-knife, would you have a Nazgul bagel?
-anonymous visitor-
Almost always reject questions about nasal bagels.


R E J E C T
Hiya Sparky, thanks for signing my guestbook. Anyway, here's my question: what's your standing on neopolitan ice cream?
-Georgia-
The stuff is too cold to stand on.


R E J E C T
Silly little onionheads. I was in fact NOT killed by iran mobsters, I was merely hospitalized after one of them followed me home from school and gave me a cigarette, and I broke my nail on the flint on his lighter when I tried to light up, and I had a heart attack. I'm suing now because since I moved to the USA, everybody does it. Just thought I'd make that clear. Ok?
-Malissa-
Visitor forgot to send in question.


R E J E C T
From one onion to another, are you a communist?
-PyroElf-
Really wanted to use question from "comrade PyroElf." Suddenly remembered seeing him cutting in toilet paper line last week.


R E J E C T
Sparky, should a UFO land in my backyard and little green men knock on my door, do I offer them beer and pizza or run like hell?
-~~j~~-
Rejected. Question turned out to be just a weather balloon.


R E J E C T
Oooooh...I'm in paaaiiiiin....Someone help meeeeeeeee.......
-Chicken Burrito-
Yo, Chicken Burrito... are taking "the Pot?"


R E J E C T
O.K. I get that you guys call yourselves onionheads, after all, you are just floating onion heads. So how come Carottop's head (or at least the top of it) bares absolutely no resemblance to any vegetable?
-Dragnrst-
Rejected question for no good reason whatsoever.


R E J E C T
Can you teach me how to tap dance?
-Fred The Stick Figure-
We have no legs, we just spin round and round.


R E J E C T
Why the Fast Food question?
-anonymous visitor-
Visitor too nosey.


R E J E C T
Hey Spanky, don't you get chapped lips with your tongue sticking out like that all the time?
-RAVEN-
Rejected, feared Raven might want to borrow my Chapstick.


R E J E C T
Hey howcome Jason gets his picture on your friends page?
-RAVEN-
Uh... 'cause he sent one in.


R E J E C T
What color nail polish is most appealing? red, pink, blue (all shades), white, black, other, or none.
-anonymous visitor-
Stuck question between my toes till they dry.


R E J E C T
Can you be legally tried for assault and battery with intent to kill if you brandish a man's severed penis on someone and beat them like a red-headed step-child?
-L. Bobbitt-
Sexually bizarre.


R E J E C T
If the sun has a bunch of helium in it, why doesn't it sound like Mike Tyson when it talks to me?
-Mr. Fizzles-
Couldn't do "loony" high pitched voice for wacky answer.


R E J E C T
If ants produce formic acid, what is in formica?
-anonymous visitor-
Tossed and turned all night trying to think of answer. Now, due to lack of sleep.... I'm dead. Thanks, are you guys happy now?


R E J E C T
Why does Pierce Brosnan bite people when he kisses them?
-anonymous visitor-
Sold question to Enquirer.


R E J E C T
If you had a pet monkey that wore a blue diaper what would you call the fella? And would he be a useful tool for picking up hot vegetables?
-telePATHETIC-
Still trying to teach question some simple sign language.


R E J E C T
My gay dog ran away and I was wondering if he came here?
-Nostradamous-
Does your dog bite? Is he the Doberman in the pink tutu?


R E J E C T
How do you save on a CD? I've already tried putting tape over the openings in it.
-Nostradamaus and Sons-
Traded question for an AOL disk.


R E J E C T
Do you need help getting syphilus? Go here:http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Zone/7383/index.html
-Nostradamaus and Sons-
Rejected. Practicing "safe humor" this week.


R E J E C T
You guys suck
-Billy-
He said suck... hu huh.






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