wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing The Rejected Question Archive : #44 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

Onionheaded friends I need help guys. They took my favorite laxative off the market know I'm constipated. I'm in a world of hurt. What can I do? - Anus Colon Rectum the 3rd Although we were "moved" by the question, we had to reject it anyway. Okayyy....there was this guy, right? And he, like, liked to dance around naked in the winter (outdoors, of course) while eating live squirrels and singing the theme song to Love Boat. Am I...I mean, is he, like, okay? -anonymous visitor- Always reject questions from my next door neighbor. If you had an extra finger just as small as the pinky finger, would you use it to pick your nose, or would you treat it as a special one and reserve it for something much more special than a nose picking frenzy? -Hok- Rejected, visitor too nosey. I saw a graffito that says Jimi Hendrix is God. Is this really true? -ZeuPlatter- Printed question out, and went door to door distributing it to all my neighbors. Hey guys I'm moiving whats the best way to move? -anonymous visitor- Couldn't remember which one of the boxes I put this question in. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? -Mr. Fizzles- Some stupid "Big Bird" swooped down and took the map while I was trying to answer this. Why can't my hard drive make instant coffee but it fries eggs real well? -ThePyroElf- (Gee, he never has a second cup of my coffee.) Would you onions or any of your friends be interested in joining the Marines? We need some good underground (no pun intended) men to infiltrate Boris Yeltsin's "Vault of Goodies" and copy his Vodka Cheese Souffle. The pudgy bastard doesn't want to share it with us. -Captain Pyro- Used question to clean gun. Hey! New years and christmas are over. Don't you think it's time for Bud Ugly to change is holiday muzak? -Whyteshadow- Bud's got his own special way of doing things. And in his underwear no less. Can I have your babies? When you're finished with them, obviously.... -Cough- We don't have babies anymore since the "garden snipper" accident Sparky had last summer. If I had a killer after me and i went under the witness protection plan and changed my name to Pat McKrotch, would I still be the all mighty and beautiful Malissa, or would I have to become Pat and change everything about me? -Malissa- Rejected, Malissa probably already killed by irate mobsters. Why did the Invisible Man wear all those bandages and stuff? Why didn't he just put a big jack-o-lantern on his invisible shoulders? - Fred The Stick Figure - Couldn't see question due to large gourd on my head. Why did everyone give me nail polish and lip gloss for Christmas? Do they think my nails are ugly and my lips are chapped? Or is it like the Rev. Jough told me- they're generic chick gifts? And if it IS because they're generic chick gifts, how do I tell these friends I'm not a chick, I'm a stick figure???? - Fred The Stick Figure - Used question to remove mascara. If everyone forgot your birthday, what would you do? -You know who!- Wasn't sure who "you know who" was. If you were a type of dish detergent, what would you be, why would you be it, and why do you want to be dish detergent? --Krazy Katy - Hey, I can see myself in this question! To Spanky, Why is it Fast Food Chains mention that a burger has processed chesse on it? If I was an owner of a Fast Food Chain I wouldn't be particulary proud of the fact I use fake cheese would you? -clara, Toronto Canada- Good question clara!!! Too bad we didn't have a good answer! DON'T MAKE FUN OF WEIRD AL!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THINK I SHOULD STOP!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -anonymous visitor- Weird who? How do onion heads pee? This question has been bugging me for months! -Meggy "Tatum" Lea- Rejected, question got caught in my zipper. What would you shout to Bill Clinton if you saw him banging a afro-american whore in a car downtown LA, and if your apperiance and note was spotted by the six o'clock news, what would your explanation to your wife be your being in those kinds of neighborhoods concerned, be? -Jostein Økland Andersen, Norway - Rejected, "Buddy" peed on question. Well I finally found a new year's resolution and I know that your new year's resolution thingy went two weeks ago, so I decided that my new year's resolution for 1998 is to get a new year's resoltion for 1999. -Meli- Waited 'till the stroke of midnight to reject this. I heard that they're running out of URL's! What will we ever do for addresses after that???? -Jon- rejectedthisquestion.com Your favorite? Spam Potted Meat Food Product De-Fatted Beef Fat Artichokes -anonymous visitor- Spread question on cracker and ate it. Thppppbbbbbbttttttt :P -Chicken Burrito-- Phfffft ; ) Man, that Super Size It/Go Large/Jumbo Size It question is deep and quite ironic, too. I have a conceptual plan to open a chain of fast food joints featuring the frankfurter and, as you can imagine, have run into a bit of a pickle (<-- business humor) about how to upgrade my meals without sounding like something out of a porno movie. Any suggestions? -Jadie Kroc - Loved the pickle "in" joke, rejected it anyway. Do any of those "select from this list of answers" questions ever avoid the rejected page? a) Yes b) No - Jadie - Once. Hey sparky and spanky. Would you mind answering three questions that I have been thinking about lately. 1 If I cut you both into itty bitty pieces with a great big knife would I succumb to a massive ammount of onion gas in the air and cry like a freshly ass whipped child in a candy store? 2 Is bud ugly, ugly? I mean real ugly. none of this ugly as a mud fence or Ellanor Roosevelt ugly, hogwash, I mean is he REAL ugly. give me the graphic details if you dare. 3 Would you like to have a "big ass dinner" at my new big ass fast food place -The great barnaby wild, strikes again Too many questions, however as long as you ask: yes, no, yes. Where does eye crust come from and why does it always have to get stuck to my face when I most need to look presentable? - Just Wondering- Put question under my pillow, got a quarter in the morning! Where? -anonymous visitor- Over Dar. Hi! Me again! If you check out how many times I've been here, of someone named Ingrid, (my Handle) you'll be surprised and what a dull life I have. Ohhh and hat question about do onions feel pain? Never mind..It;s to late anyways! Here's a new question!How can you tell your parents to.....bugger off, without getting grounded? -Vanessa Slaunwhite - Send them a singing telegram. Have an adequate day. -anonymous visitor- Visitor forgot question mark. ok, i was sitting on the porch today, drinking coffee and pondering, when all of a sudden, i threw up all of the coffee i had drunk. it wasn't like normal, i had no warning signs. i tried to make it to the front door to puke outside, but i only made it TO the door, a glass door which, by the way, looked quite nasty by the time i was through. what causes these crazy things? i didn't feel sick before or after. am i gay? should i eat sand or something to quiet my stomach down? please help as i am not eating until you answer me... -elvis shortliver- Threw some of that orange stuff on question and just swept it up. when is Mr. Pomegranite going to spurt philosophy into the homes of numbskull americans thru the television? -bird box- Saving question for big "Numbskull Extravaganza" sometime in June. Why aren't elephants purple? -Sidney- So we could reject this question. You're a handsome devil. What's your name? -Georgia- Satan?

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