wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing|
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!
Some of our Onionheaded friends
Special Note: All questions were rejected this week unless they included a New Years Resolution and/or a subliminal message about soup.
Okay, this isn't a question, and you don't have to give an answer, but I was looking at your rejected questions, and if you don't mind, I'd like to answer a few of the most popular ones: 1. There are interstate roads in Hawaii because the federal government wants them there. (You just can't fight with them) 2.7-11 has locks on their doors because at night, they take a half hour of their time to lock the doors and count their money. 3.Burger King and Dairy Queen are not married. They are names of fast-food joints. Sorry I couldn't answer more. I just thought I might clear things up. Hope you don't mind me doing your job. (Still feel bad about the chicken/Bush question)
Thanks for helping out, and giving us another opportunity to reject you.
I'll appreciated your thought on this, guys. Is it considered bad holiday manners to get totally plastered on bourbon, wander into your weird-ass neighbors lawn dressed as one of Santa's elves and deface his scary, anti-Christ-like gnome with eggnog and Rice Krispy treats? Is this a social faux pas or something?
No, the Police took us downtown and gave us a stern warning, but we got to push the siren on the way to the station.
Dear wwwVOice, I want to know if there really is an Santa Claus. Some of the kids at school say he isn't real. I asked my Daddy and he said to write to wwwVOice. He said wwwVOice would not tell a lie. So, tell me, is there really a Santa Claus?
Rejected, question got stuck half-way down the chimney.
Where does all the sound from our voices go? Do they lock it up in a vault somewhere? Oh, and my New Year's resolution is to get those little voices out of my head. The little ingrateful bastards haven't been paying their rent.
I think they're all in my stereo.
Should selling encyclopedias be punishable as breaking and entering, since we really don't want them in our house? If so, would we be able to shoot them if we feared our lives to be in danger? If that were true, would it be legal to do so in Colorado? This didn't happen or anything, I'm just wondering.
Couldn't look up shoot or salesman, owing to the fact that we lost the "S" volume of our encyclopedias.
How would you measure how much wood a woodchcuk could chuck? In board-feet per minute? Total volume for the amount of time chucking?
Probably by the missing trees.
12 Days of Christmas, 12 Step Program, Coincidence?
Yeah and a dozen donuts, evil plots I tell you.
Hi! Strawberry jam is my favorite! Did Santa bring Cranky anything or was she just to naughty?
Cranky got a tray of snowman poop and the "S" volume of our encyclopedias.
Would you two allow me to address the illustrious Reverend Jough Approximately please? Reverend, no one, NO ONE, wants a Charlie in the Box. No one.
-Thanks! simian (bah humbug!)-
Ooops better return this birthday present I bought for Spanky.
Yo sparky, what do I have to do to get on your friends list?
Just send us an onionhead picture of yourself and the URL or e-mail that you would like us to link it to, or if you don't have a picture e-mail us and let us know you would like a text link.
Do I have to enter a new years resolution? What about the weekly questions?
Nope you don't have to, but then you end up here.
okay, I"m a little nervous. You know that song by Michael Jackson "Don't stop until you get enough"? Well, what happens if you stop, but you didn't get enough.
Rejected, question invited my 12 year old son over to his house.
In the world of onion heads, is a Salad Shooter considered a dangerous weapon?
Only if it's concealed.
Dear Spanky and Sparky, My friends and I have formed a rock band but we can't decide on a name for the group. I have suggested "Five Nice People," "Aerojones" and "Spandex Ballet," among others. Our drummer, who likes to watch movies with expoding monkeys in them, thinks we should be called "Rhesus Pieces." Our female lead singer, who likes to go ice fishing, insists on calling the group "Four Poles and a Hole." Any suggestions?
-Slinky the Sax Player-
How about, "Five Nice Monkeys in Spandex, Ice Fishing."
Does the wind blow or is it really sucking?
It "sucks" all the leaves out of my neighbors lawn and "blows" them onto mine.