wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing
The Rejected Question Archive : #38
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!


Some of our Onionheaded friends

R E J E C T
Is Busta related to Leanne Rhimes? I had a big argument with a friend about this.
-Meli-
Rejected. Spanky and I duked it out about whether to use this question this week or not. Ended up using it as a blanket on the couch.


R E J E C T
I met this really cute girl on base, and I thought I could impress her by tearing my sidearm apart and putting it back together in under a minute. When I put it back together, it vaguely resembled a toaster. Do you guys have any books or anything that can help me put it back together?
-Captain Pyro-
Rejected. Blew my foot off making toast this morning... thanks.


R E J E C T
A B C D E F G H J I K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and uh...um...well, what's the last one?
-anonymous visitor-
Rejected. Keeping question as a cheat sheet now.


R E J E C T
You guys, I have a real problem. You see, in order to get to school, I must drive on the highway. Anyway, my problem is this: how do I get around those slow drivers?? I'm already running late as it is (there is NO chance of me leaving my house earlier). These people insist on driving 2 mph down the highway!! On all lanes of the road!! What ever happened to "slower traffic keep right"? Is there any way that I can get these people out of the way, you know, without completely killing them?
-jesTeR-
Question just whizzed by me.


R E J E C T
Is it possible to be your own first cousin?
-just wondering. Cousin Ernie-
Question didn't seem to be related to any of the other ones.


R E J E C T
Spanky, if you eat Pez right from the dispenser, then are you a sugar Vampire?
-archangel-
Question had a coupon for a free Big Mac© on the bottom so we couldn't use it because we turned it in.


R E J E C T
Just as a matter of interest, which is the best sort of automatic weapon I could use to wipe out, say my entire office ? Actually, no, scratch that. I'd like the secretary to be left alive, but 'traumatised', if you catch my drift. Please?
-Rugged and Handsome-
Shoved bamboo shoots up question, still couldn't get answer.


R E J E C T
what would a dCENSOREDk look like if he/it was a female
-anonymous visitor-
Spanky folded up question and used it to shore up that wobbly table.


R E J E C T
Why are words not spelled like they sound?
-anonymous visitor-
Wut r u tawking abowt?


R E J E C T
Ok, well people say that if you take acid then you'll end up seeing things like weirdly shaded ducks and pices of bread that fly. But what if you see that and your not on acid and have never touched it in your life?
-tramatized-
Question turned into a giant green wombat and ate some other questions too.


R E J E C T
what the hell did you do with all my questions?
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
See above question.


R E J E C T
I've got a new recipe I was hoping to run by you. It's called "Beef Onion Souflee" and it consists of 8 cups of onions, two pounds of beef, some catsup, paprika, brown sugar, and worshestershire sauce served over egg noodles. Sounds delish, right? Well, here's my two-parted question: What is Sparky and Spanky's approximate size and weight, and my follow-up: How many cups could your total mass fill, hypothetically speaking?
-The Reverend Jough Approximately-
Rejected. Visitor wants to eat us.


R E J E C T
I love you! Do you love me? or do you love Spanky more?
-*Shanno*-
Spanky says I have to say Spanky.


R E J E C T
I hate my job. Can I come work for you?
-anonymous visitor-
Oh sure, so you can hate working for us too.


R E J E C T
Spanky, let's just say that Sparky had to go away for a while...a LONG while, without any possible chance for return. What would you do and how would you act?
-jesTeR-
Rejected. Didn't want Spanky to see this question.


R E J E C T
Why isn't "phonetically" spelled phonetically?
-twanger-
Couldn't pronounce question.


R E J E C T
Spanky did you know I have a famous cousin with your name?
-Bop-
No, I was not aware of that. What's her name?


R E J E C T
Whoo! What's with all the RENT-based questions lately, kids? Twanger wanted to know what was apropos for a party that's also a crime...well...we here at Megaspork Industries know that the only answer to that question is a James Bond/Pussy Galore outfit-set.
- The President and CEO of Megaspork Industries-
Tried question on. Clashed with my hat.


R E J E C T
Is it possible to figure out what's inside the truffle chocolates before you bite into them and you choke on the disgusting little macadamia nut inside? Or do I have to live the rest of my stick figure life accidentally eating these little bombs??
- Fred The Stick Figure -
Poked finger into bottom of question. Couldn't tell for sure.


R E J E C T
Is it OK to yell, "Movie!", in a crowded firehouse?
----((( Da Man )))------
Question caught on fire.


R E J E C T
Okay, I really like a guy but he happens to be a cartoon character from Anastasia (Dimitri). What should I do about my problem?
-anonymous visitor-
Cartoonilary bizarre.


R E J E C T
According to a physics class some time ago, if an apple falls off of a tree, the Earth attracts the apple, BUT, the apple ALSO attracts the Earth (though very weakly). My question is, if a really fat friend of mine fell off a cliff, would he pull the Earth out of orbit?
-Jason-
Didn't notice any gravitational change. Even after I tied question to a fat guy and threw it off a cliff.


R E J E C T
Do you guys have butt cheeks?
-Farmer Ned-
What, are you the only person Spanky hasn't sent a Xerox© to?


R E J E C T
Oh sCENSOREDt! Aaaaaaaaacccccccckkkk!
-anonymous visitor-
Pfffffffffffffftttttttttt!


R E J E C T
If you pull the wings off a fly, is it now called a walk?
-anonymous visitor-
Did this question a while ago. Couldn't remember zingy answer.


R E J E C T
I'm looking for 4000 gallons of Boron, 75 cadmium control rods, and 29 tons of graphite (as a neutron absorber) for use in the nuclear reactor I'm building in my back yard. Know where I can find these items? The people at Lowes just looked at me weird when I asked.
-Jason-
Jason probably too busy keeping all his hair in right now to worry about us answering this.


R E J E C T
What are you two going to have for Thanksgiving dinner? Personally, I'm having Oreos and grapefruit. Mmmm good.
-simian-
Er... Monkey brains I think.


R E J E C T
Hello! Do pigs really dig up truffles? - -
-Snaggletooth-
Yes, and sometimes they bury these questions too.


R E J E C T
Hey guys, can you rate the best computers on the market? I'm interested in buying one.
-Putergirl-
Dell, cause it still works, even after we hit it with the hose.


R E J E C T
Hey Spanky Sparky what do you think of web tv's?
-Bee-
I think it's a great place to put one of those "head bobbing" dog statues.


R E J E C T
Spanky I see you have hair. Is the bow to keep it out of your eyes?
-anonymous visitor-
Question got all tangled up in Spanky's hair.


R E J E C T
Method #17 for skinning a cat: Belt bander
-anonymous visitor-
Not really a question.


R E J E C T
If you could be invisible for a day, Where would you go?
-anonymous visitor-
Really wanted to use this question this week and say some wacky stuff about the girls/boys locker room. But then the question suddenly vanished!


R E J E C T
which is funnier? a cheese wrapper or a self-adhesive stamp?
-anonymous visitor-
Got question stuck on my tongue.


R E J E C T
Where am I???
-anonymous visitor-
On the rejected page.


R E J E C T
I just got one of them high tech pets, and when it laughs, it looks just like Spanky. R u guys really laughing pets or is it a relation to you?
-more screwed up than U and loving it-
Forgot to feed question and it went belly up.


R E J E C T
I'm a devoted fan of you onionheads. So I'd like to know if I should stop eating onion rings.
-Anonononymusus Visitor-
Eat those green skinny guys, they're gross!


R E J E C T
If you could change your name what color hair would you have?
-Rejected A. Lot-
Rejected A. Lot has once again been rejected... sorry.


R E J E C T
If i um uh well that is uh um um uh ok look, i have an obsession with pink fluffy things!!!!! What should i do?!?!?!?!?
-anonymous visitor-
Stay away from them... duh.


R E J E C T
Would you call me if i gave you my number??? Well im to impatient to find out here..........978-1507
-anonymous visitor-
Visitor forgot area code.


R E J E C T
This should be an easy one for you. What do you call a dog with no legs and metal balls? *heh-heh*
-LB-
Uhhh... Spanky?


R E J E C T
Why is the sky blue?
-anonymous visitor-
Used question as a bookmark.


R E J E C T
Soppose you died, and you were reincarnated as a beetle, who would you be?
Dung-Beetle
Paul
John
George
Ringo
The south-african "Don King" crazy-beetle
-anonymous visitor-
I would be the little German car.


R E J E C T
why asking silly qwe...
-anonymous visitor-
Because it's fu....


R E J E C T
If your driving down main street in your yellow canoe and you back left tire blows, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse.
-Signed, ERIK-
Erik's first question was a little confusing to say the least.


R E J E C T
If I lost a contact in the ocean, what would the odds of me finding it be?
-The ghost of the girl thats stalking you-
Couldn't use question because it fell out of my eye and went down the bathroom drain.


R E J E C T
What was Ex-Lax before it was...well EX-lax? Strangely Curious:)
-anonymous visitor-
Ex-cellent question!


R E J E C T
Has this question been rejected yet?
-Shanno-
No.. Whoop, maybe.


R E J E C T
what EXACTLY is a humor zine thing? this has been bothering me much lately.
-Thanx Shanno-
Frankly, we're not sure ourselves.


R E J E C T
i was thinking about the hitler thing and the jfk thing . do ya think they killed each other?
-bird box-
Lost question on the grassy knoll.


R E J E C T
Is being stupid all you guys have time for?
-Acorn-
Question was actually too stupid.


R E J E C T
If a big piece of cheese ever fell on yer head while standing under the empire state building, what kind of crackers would you use to eat it off?
-anonymous visitor-
Probably broken ones.


R E J E C T
HOW MANY BOWLS OF COKE LACED WEED CAN YOU SMOKE IN 5 MINUTES?
-#$%?&?(*?)^&?(^%&*-
Wasn't sure if "#$%?&?(*?)^&?(^%&*" was part of the question or visitors name.


R E J E C T
Do you two have annoying younger siblings?
-katlynn-
Gave question a nickel to go away.


R E J E C T
How many of you are accessing this page from work?
-anonymous visitor-
We will be using this question in the next poll, uh... as long as we don't forget about it.


R E J E C T
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Hiya Sparky & Spanky! how's it going? ya know what (there's my question)? um, yeah! that's it! ding ding ding ding ding! ok, im gonna sing (feel free to join in everybody) (ehm) "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open slegh. over the hills we go, laughing all the way (hahahahaha)jingle bells! jingle bells! jingle all the way! oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!" howd i do? okay, heres another question: what are santa's eight raindeer's names? (Just to make you mad) how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to here it, would it still make a sound? and for that matter, if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to here it, would it still hit a cartoon person on the head? what came first, the chicken or the egg? okay, i've had my fun. Lavista (that's spanish for "later")! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
-*Shanno*-
Rejected. Visitor was singing, visitor asked too many questions, put frilly-froo-froos around it and we already had our Shanno question quota anyway.


R E J E C T
Alright, let's say you're an itinerant preacher for a small post-modernist religion, and you're caught and arrested "fowling" three underage girls (not *too* underage. Let's say you couldn't really tell by looking at them. There was grass on the field, so play ball, etc.) and you get off (excuse the pun) on a legal technicality, but now the girls' parents have openly threatened to "get you." Is it better to sue them for threatening you, or should you just count your losses and run?
-The Reverend Jough Approximately-
Had question arrested.






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