wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing The Rejected Question Archive : #36 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

Some of our Onionheaded friends If cows in America speak English-Cowspeak, do cows in France speak French-Cowspeak? - - Fred The Stick Figure - Rejected. Didn't feel like French kissing any cows to find out. Who has the best pizza? a. Ci Ci's b. Domino's c. Pizza Hut d. Pizza Inn e. Little Caesar's -anonymous visitor- Couldn't answer question within 30 minutes so I guess this one's free. How come globes are always cacked over like that? Is the world really oriented that way and we've just been duped by this whole north pole/south pole/toilet water spinning counter-clockwise at the equator ploy? -Jadie- Question got me pretty dizzy. Spanky puked, just like last week. Kind and Gentle Sir and Madam, It seems to me that I am at a bit of a disadvantage now a days. You see, my fine friends, I was raised in such a way that good manners, repectfull silences, and good taste were the distiguishing characteristics. What I want to know is what is the proper response today when someone, obviously uncouth and illmannered, upsets someone with my gentle temperment. Should I simply pass it off with good grace, thinking that the person in question is nothing more than a harmless buffon? Or should I have at him with my trustly chainsaw, causing his viscera to splash in a rather tasteful, yet subdued pattern on the concrete? -Old Fashioned- Judging by the addressee, visitor obviously sent question to the wrong people. If your spouse won't get their fat arse out of you chair and OFF yer computer, what the hell should one do to gain control of the keyboard?? (I still love you!!) -That weird chick that is stalking you- Rejected, now fear weird chick's BIG husband. Is it illegal to listen to AM radio in the afternoon? -Raven- Yes, and it's a little known fact that it's also illegal to listen to FM radio during the hour when we turn our clocks back. I think you should move the link for the complaints page to the "Rejected" page. I always feel like complaining after my hard thought out questions are rejected. Ok, that's not a question. I'd put it on the complaints page but I'd have to go back and find the link again. -Matilda- Sorry, this is not the complaints department. Miss you guys. Haven't had time to visit lately. The question that has been utmost on my mind is "What is that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat?" -BS (formerly The Big Sister)- Sorry, been too busy to answer your question. are you collecting data from these polls to target market us? i mean, i like dolly parton's hair but i don't know if i want to buy a dolly parton wig. -elvis shortliver- I am required by law to reject all "elvis shortliver" questions. how many chocolate waffles does forrest gump eat? i'm very troubled about his gayness... -elvis shortliver- Elvis is apparently really hung up about this whole Gump/Waffle thing. Why is that Mandy song just so damned *snappy*? As a follow-up of sorts, are you onionheads related to anyone *named* Snappy? -The Reverend Jough Approximately- Still mad at cousin Snappy about that towel in the butt incident. Name one man maddona hasen't slept with! -**$en@t0r /-\ngel™**- I uh... uh... okay, you got me. If the party of the first part and the party of the second part throw a party, should I go or stay home and perform RENT with my Star Trek action figures? -Madame George and her Dancing Hitlers- Good name. Bad question. I noticed when I picked up my dry cleaning, that the bag said "This is not a toy" in big, bold letters. Does Fisher Price make plastic bags specifically for children? I have an 16 month old cousin who would love one. -Jason- Akk, question accidentally suffocated. IF the world was flat, um, would we be flat too? -~I.M.Crazy~- Question really didn't have enough dimension. If I did my hair like Spanky's would you make me an onion head too? -~I.M.Crazy~- Saving question for the Spanky look alike contest next month. What does Chewbacca chew? -Whyteshadow- Wookie Cookies. If I stoped writing you guys questions would you put one of my questions on the mounthly list?(it's my life-long goal) -~I.M.Crazy~- Lost question in a Where's Waldo picture. Me again! Do u love me? -~I.M.Crazy~- Of course. Who are you? Hey Onion heads! Do you put all your questions on your page? I mean if they don't get on the poll do you still put them on the rejected list? -~I.M.Crazy~- Well, not all of them. Due to the large number of questions we're receiving these days, if you send in more than one question there's a good chance that it won't end up an any page. Also, if you send the question in on Sunday night it may not show up until the following Monday. Whoo, whoo, useful information. How come, when I chew gum, my brain hurts? -Snaggletooth- Try some aspirin gum maybe. I visted you site featuring pictures of your onion friends and noticed something strange. Jason, who is part of the Witness Protection Program, is green. Is that one of the requirements that one has to meet in order to belong to this elusive Witness Protection group? Or is he just really ill? Just wondering... -simian- I think he's just Irish. Found this question in flames on my porch; Does this have any racial significance? -Bubbles©- Jeepers, was it wrapped around some dog poop? Could someone please explain to me why, if you're going to the 2nd floor do you need to take the freakin' elevator? What's up with that? -simian- Question got stuck between floors. If star trek and star wars were real, would the onions heads still be onions or would they have their own planet to live on with all of their other kool onion head friends? -~I.M.Crazy~- Sent question into orbit. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck lived with Cranky? -anonymous visitor- As much as she told them to. Since you guys reject all multiple choice questions, how did you do on the SATs? -twanger- Pretty good. Out of the 4 questions we bothered answering, we got 3 right! OK, I raked my leaves into the shape of your URL, but I couldn't see them at night, so I got the bright idea to set them on fire. The resulting forest fire destoryed 2900 acres. The Forest Service wants to talk to you guys. -Jason- The ranger told us to reject this one. If large pita bread were chasing after you, what would you do? -Chicken Burrito- Made yummy sandwich out of question. Why, in order to get a bank loan must you first prove you don't need one? -Jason- Stupid guy at the store said this question had expired, and tore it up. I just labotomized myself with a hack saw, and a cork screw. Is it normal to suddenly enjoy sniffing dogs' butts? -Jason- Already had "dog/lower region" question this week. If there was not an 8th dwarf, what wouldn't his name be? -Mad Anthony Wayne- Folded question up and used it for a paper airplane. Hey guys!!! Guess who? -Elvis Shortliver- Hey Elvis guess what? How do i stop the man in the toilet from eating my underpants? -Elvis Shortliver- Had great time watching question go "round and round." Sparky/Spanky, I recently watched the movie "Dumb and Dumber". In the scene where Jeff Daniels is sitting on the toilet having a "blow-out", how did the Foley artists record those sounds? Did they feed some poor unsuspecting intern chili, brownies, oreos, and twinkies and then sit in the bathroom with him/her recording the sounds while wearing gas masks? wondering if you knew. -anonymous visitor- See above question. Can we ban the use of the word crackle? it makes me very cranky! -Elvis Shortliver- Wadded question up, coincidentally it made a cool Crackle sound. If acronyms were abolished, would the world end? -anonymous visitor- BTW: even though I have ADD this made me LOL, just FYI. Why am I here? -Jon- Feared Jon may actually just be lost. What goes better with onions, peas or potatoes? -anonymous visitor- Ate question, it was delicious. Well, since onion skin tends to come off when handled, do you guys ever have to deal with your skin peeling? If you do, does it hurt? -~jè§TèR~- Like the dickens! Do you and Spanky ever socialize with your relatives, the Leeks, Shallots, and Garlic Bulbs? -anonymous visitor- Too many tubers. I find that after hours on end at my computer, that my chair becomes a bit uncomfortable. Being that it's a chair (with arms) and not a stool (chair without arms), would it do any good for me to put stool softener on it? -<*}}><- Forgot about question after sudden sharp pain in butt. My wife says I'm cool. Is there any way I can verify this? -Whyteshadow- My wife said this question wasn't cool enough. Hey. You guys are great. Will we ever get to see info and pictures of "The people behind the Onions" -Whyteshadow- Thanks. What people? Why is it that Bart and Lisa Simpson never grow up? And when will Maggie ever speak? -Darkfire- Doh! It's a cartoon man. Get a grip. What's a FIB? Living here in Wisconsin, I hear that term a lot, and just wondered if you know what that was. -Becks- It's the "Federal Investigation Bureau" silly. What do you onionheads need for Christmas? -Becks- Dear Becks, just your friendship is more than enough to warm the cockles of our hearts. Besides, we already had a Christmas question this week. Sparky~ I need some advice- I just got a jacuzzi and now my b-friend wants to "do the deed" in the relaxing water. If I were too, how could I get that nCENSOREDf out of the tub? Thanks u oh so much. -~more screwed up than u and loving it~- Those scrubbing bubble guys should do the trick. Why would people want a time machine to see who was in the grassy knoll? We all know that the Cigarette Smoking Man did it. -Darkfire- Yes, but he's hiding in my garage so I need a cover story. Ok, I used to Live in Canada, and there I could act like a nut, and say whatever I wanted, and people would love me for it! But I moved to the USA almost 3 months ago, and If I act like me, people roll thier eyes and make strange growling noises resembling those of that a rabbid dog makes when in heat. Is there something wrong with 14 year old high school students today, or does it have to do with the country I'm living in now? -Malissa- Almost always reject questions from nutty former Canadians. Snark snook ekat blah blook? -Frp.- Weeka weeka blouk sploor? Dear Sparky, As intelligent as I am, I cannot figure out why things look so warped and funky when I first put on my glasses? -Mr. Wizard- Had a little trouble focusing on question. If you were dyslexic and crosseyed would you see correctly? -anonymous visitor- See above question. what's the name of the major famous actor in the U.S.A? -anonymous visitor- Bob? IF trees could talk, and cops could dance, when would be the best time to find out whether or not sheep invented wool? -bored!- Knitted question into a nice sweater. Want some gum? -anonymous visitor- No, 'cause then you'll probably want to use my Chapstick. I think the best way to spell "Cool" is Quoole. -anonymous visitor- Kewl! If a train leaves New York at 10am with 12 pounds of whitefish and 6 pounds of lox, and a car leaves Seattle at 7pm with 2 adults, 3 kids and a weiner dog, where shall the twain meet? Wait...is that twain or train....HELP!!! -anonymous visitor- Put question on the railroad tracks. It's really flat now. Um... What's your question? I'm waiting and it isn't popping up. I don't get this. Huh??? What's going on?? Where's Mommy? -Fart Breath- Probably not visitors real name. How many licks DOES it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? -Raven- Oh Raven! welceom to my paradise? where we live by the roll of a the dice? Then you can be part of my paradise? -Mad Anthony Wayne- Lost question at the craps table. hey onionheads.. i didn't like your first question-- i want hair just like kojak! Now for my question- If an octopus' testicles are kinda squishy and an otters' are slippery, what does an onionhead's feel like? And does playing with them make your eyes water? -Justwonderingin MD.- Question too personal. Hi! It's snowing here! Do you like snow? -Snaggletooth- Used question as the eyes on our snowman. What's so constant about Napier? - Fred The Stick Figure - Huh? When you were a little spanky, and Life was much more simpler? Did you ever wet the bed? -(just curious) -the bed wetters association- Still rinsing off question. Oh, my, GOD. I just saw the Spice girls and they were wearing REAL CLOTHES! Has the world gone mad? -anonymous visitor- Think visitor actually saw the Osmond family. How many people actually take these surveys, and how many of us just click on the first available button? -anonymous visitor- Are you kidding, we just make all the numbers up. why? -anonymous visitor- Because. You know, week after week I am inexplicably, inexorably, and inconceivably drawn to pose a little "question thingy" at your site. Are you bending the wills of the internet community in any devious, nefarious, or inconsionable way? -The Reverend Jough Approximately- Rejected. Too many big fancy words.

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