wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing
The Rejected Question Archive : #35
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!


Some of our Onionheaded friends

R E J E C T
If 100 monkeys were sat for 100 years at a typewriter and eventually came up with Shakespearean verse, how many monkeys and how many years would it take to create Dr. Seuss?
-vibe7-
I put this question in a box, I gave this question to a fox, I stuck this question up my nose, I think this question really blows.


R E J E C T
I had this really strange dream that Barney the dinosaur was my real father. What kind of psychological implications does this have? Should I confront mother about my father's true identity?
-Jason-
Rejected. Ran this question through the Psychological Profile-o-Meter© and discovered that if you reject people named Jason, they are less likely to come to your house and kill you in your sleep.


R E J E C T
I wanna be popular. How do you become popular?
-visitorette!-
This question got bumped for a question by a more popular person.


R E J E C T
Know where I can get some free rocket launcher samples?
-Jason-
Here's a little fun fact; don't ever smoke near this type of question.


R E J E C T
When you have facial blemishes , do you give yourself a peel?
-Ms.Cilantro-
Rejected due to vivid memory of "crazed" third grade teacher named Miss Cilantro.


R E J E C T
Where were you on the night of October 31, 1997? "Book 'em Dano!"
-Bubbles©-
Set question on fire, put it in a bag and dropped it off on Bubble's© porch.


R E J E C T
Hey Guys, Why is it that one time, one of my questions was neither posted on "This Week" or "Regected". Did it get stuck between the pages?
-Whyteshadow-
Although we try to use every question, sometimes they can get lost in the shuffle. Or maybe the dog peed on it.


R E J E C T
did you know that the old childrens song "Ring around the Rosie" was actually about the Plague that hit England way back when all those people died? Its true, I'm not making this up Ring around the rosie pocket full of posie ashes ahses we all fall down -> (this line was the part where they died) you know?
-Mad Anthony Wanye-
Question made us dizzy. Spanky barfed too!


R E J E C T
Where are all the animal rights' activists on this IMPORTANT ISSUE...all the poor, starving Homeless cows in living in India! They're just walking around, starving to death over there while cows here in America live the life of a king. Green pastures to play in, meals every day, medical care, they get everything!
-kazank1-
Put A1 on question and ate it.


R E J E C T
Are there pots of gold at both ends of the rainbow?
-twanger-
Still waiting for some rain.


R E J E C T
Was Albert Einstien really a smart guy, or did he just get lucky a lot??
-anonymous visitor-
E=mc²=rejected.


R E J E C T
My cousin says I should put some Animated JIF on my webpage, but the store only sells Creamy JIF and Chunky JIF. Where can I get some Animated JIF?
-anonymous visitor-
Question stuck to the roof of my mouth.


R E J E C T
Slow poison - is it a godsend or what?
-simian-
Ate this question and I still seem flooa...


R E J E C T
Do you really think this idiotic poll is necessary?
-anonymous visitor-
Without question the poll we're conducting here is vital to the well being and future economic growth of the entire planet. PS: Did you like the new dwarf question?


R E J E C T
If there is only one barber in a small town, and he cuts everyone's hair, who cuts his hair?
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
Question too hairy.


R E J E C T
Who invented the "Tater Tot"?
-Jason-
Question tasted awful. (even with ketchup)


R E J E C T
Why don't they allow minivans to race in the Indianapolis 500?
-Jason-
Wanted to use this question, it just drove away.


R E J E C T
if you were a telephone, what would your name be?
-anonymous visitor-
Briiiiiing!!


R E J E C T
Dear sweetness, Have you missed me? Shhhhhh don't tell anyone you heard from me. I am hiding from the police. I finally escaped from the "hospital" and can continue sending you secret messages via the internet. Did you finally dump that smelly skanky, er spanky? I missed you.
-All my love, That weird chick that is stalking you-
Shhhhhhh, I told you never to write me here!


R E J E C T
What's another word for thesaurus?
-RayRay-
Discarded, no, refused, uh, declined, er... denied, Got it! Rejected.


R E J E C T
Hearing Fran Dresher's voice makes me:
- Feel all warm and fuzzy inside
- Feel all psychotic and hysterical inside
- Want to torture small animals with pointy sticks
- Run around in circles - Gargle with three gallons of Draino
-anonymous visitor-
Couldn't use question due to Spanky being *huge* Fran fan.


R E J E C T
How come you guys haven't changed the poll for over a month now? Or is by browser just screwed up?
-Raven-
'Cause we were doing stuff, it's new now so just relax.


R E J E C T
Just why do my feet hurt all the time?????
-Little Tommy G.-
So you're the guy who's been stomping all over our website.


R E J E C T
How many more times do we have to hear Elton John's talking about blowing out candles on his birthday cake?
-elvis shortliver-
Didn't want to reject elvis' question as he gets all excited but, Elton will be making a special guest appearance at the website on Spanky's birthday.


R E J E C T
What do you call 2 gay guys in a sleeping bag? (Fruit roll-up)
~I.M.Crazy~
Visitor answered own question.


R E J E C T
Correct me if I'm Wrong, but I am elvis shortliver, aren't I?
-elvis shortliver-
I dunno, hold your drivers license up to the mirror and stand next to it.


R E J E C T
Where is The Mars Rover? Geesh, YOU GUYS!!!
-elvis shortliver-
On Uranus.


R E J E C T
If your at school and can't go where no one is,how do you pick your nose without letting everyone see you
-anonymous visitor-
Didn't pick this question.


R E J E C T
Is it true that time is what keeps everything from happening at once?
-Sly's Pop-
Lost watch in Jello© wrestling contest on Saturday.


R E J E C T
Sparky and Spanky should:
a) UPDATE THE POLL QUESTIONS AND POST THE RESULTS.
b) Dance naked on their neighbor's front lawn.
c) Go on a murderous rampage/crime spree.
d) Send a big burly guy with lots of guns and stuff to Jason's house.
e) Reject these multiple choice questions.
-Jason-
e.


R E J E C T
If a girl gets pregnant by her boss while on the job, can she claim workers comp?
-anonymous visitor-
Waiting nine months to answer question.


R E J E C T
Spanky, Sparky~ I found your long lost child! Do you want him back? He says his name is Sprat- He looks just like his daddy!
-More screwed up than u and loving it-
Just drop him in the mail if you could.


R E J E C T
what are the little tread marks on wrigley's spearmint gum for? traction?
-anonymous visitor-
Chewed up question...made a heck of a bubble!


R E J E C T
How do you feel about fried onions?
-anonymous visitor-
How do you feel about cannibalism?


R E J E C T
If a ram is a goat and an ass is a donkey, then why is a ram in the ass a goose? dying ta know.
-SLUSHQ-
Got confused rammed question in Spanky's...


R E J E C T
The color of my socks is
-anonymous visitor-
Visitor forgot question mark.


R E J E C T
Why is there Braille on drive-up ATM's?
-anonymous visitor-
Forgot about question after getting arrested for fingering bank.


R E J E C T
I make human sized dolls from glass and composte, and keep them in the attic. Should I feed them baby food or?
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
Dropped question and it shattered.


R E J E C T
Sparky, I have a problem. My cat (feline) killed my mouse(input device). Was I asking for it? If so, should I get rid of the cat or the mouse?
-Jimmie Olsen-
Sorry we don't settle domestic disputes.


R E J E C T
Where do all my onion maggots go when the "INSANE FLY WRANGLER" is on vacation?
-Queen of the "MAGGOT RANCH"(contents copyright 1997 TJB) -
Just too weird.


R E J E C T
OK, you know the song "My Favorite Things," right? With lyrics that go "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens." OK, well, even if you don't, help me out here. If one was to reverse the lyrics ("Mittens woolen warm and kettles copper bright, kittens on whiskers and roses on raindrops,") would that one be hear a sort of "Hanson meets the Spice Girls" duet?
- Fred The Stick Figure -
Question got caught in my banjo.


R E J E C T
*smile*
-anonymous visitor-
*reject*


R E J E C T
Why are all these rap bands ruining our good '80s songs? I hate that, can we stop them?
-jamjars-
No we can't stop them, all we can do is put on baggy pants and dance.


R E J E C T
When away from your boyfriend or girlfriend for 9 months, what are you most likely to do?
-anonymous visitor-
Spend all your lonely hours hanging around here with us.


R E J E C T
What do you people do for "day jobs"? Just curious --
-The Reverend Jough Approximately-
Spanky is a pet therapist and I'm a battleship captain.


R E J E C T
Here's a question! Ever heard of "west jet" in canada? Well it's an air line that flies "west" so what happens when they fly all the way west? Hmmmmmm?Do they smash up the planes and throw 'em in a junk yard when they reach the sea?Answer me that!=0) (okay, so what if I sound nuts.....)
~I.M.Crazy~
Rejected, fear visitor is really "Crazy"


R E J E C T
Okay, well, while doing research for my new book (tentatively titled "Idiot Books For Dummies") I came across "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Neurosurgery" and just *had* to try it. Well, when I increased the level of neuro peptides to my "patient's" pituitary gland, I noticed a startling change! He was sneezing almost nonstop, and was also humping my leg vigourously, as well as swinging from the chandeliere drinking a "Bud". Is this the normal reaction, or should I be getting my money back from the idiots book people?
-The Reverend Jough Approximately-
You need to buy the "Idiot's Guide for Getting Your Money Back" after making stupid purchases.


R E J E C T
Hiya babes. Could you please put this on the bottom of your page? You know best for last kinda thing?okay, my bra keeps unsnapping, what should I do?
-I wish I was Jewel-
Already had too many boob related questions this week.






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