wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing The Rejected Question Archive : #34 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

Some of our Onionheaded friends My 1993 Yugo has a driver's side airbag, but I have to blow it up myself. The dealer says that "manually inflating" airbags are standard on most car models--is this true? -Jason- You too? I just gave that job to Spanky. Hey, Claymeister's question about Twister and the shrink appears on your rejected page 2 weeks in a row. Did he really repost it verbatim or did you screw up? Also, on this week's rejected page, you contradict yourselves regarding ears. Caught red-handed!! What say you? -anonymous visitor- Couldn't hear question due to lack of ears. Hey-oh, oh great and wise seer of all that is knowledgeable and worthy, can you please tell me how many records were released in 1988, and which was the best one? I'll smother myself in chocolate sauce for you. Like I did before.... -The Gang Green- Listened to all my records, couldn't find calculator to count them up. Spanky, where do you buy your bows? -Doc- Rejected. Spanky folded up question and stuck it on her head. if i was a professional baseball player? -Mad Anthony Wayne- I still wouldn't answer your question. Stanky,When Tomagachis, you know virtual pets, die, where do they go? -Guess W.- Spun question around and around, accidentally poked Spanky in the eye with it. What will happen if I don't send you a question? -Mr Carlton- I wouldn't answer it. I learned in a psychology class that if a rat pushes a lever in its cage and gets a food pellet, it will learn to push that lever for food when it is hungry. But if you shock it when it pushes a lever, it will stay away from it. What would happen if, when this rat pushes a lever, it gets a shock and then a food pellet? Would it become neurotic? -Jason- Not sure, shocked myself with a butter knife in the toaster. I still ate the toast. What would be more morale, killing 2 100 pound people, or one big fat 300 pound person? -anonymous visitor- Rejected due to Spanky being "big" Sumo wrestling fan. should i shave off my back hair, glue it together and use it as a hat? -Mad Anthony Wayne- No. should i dig up my dead relatives and pile them in a pyramid shape on my front lawn and throw spoons and other semi-precious metals at them? -Mad Anthony Wayne- See above answer. how many times a day should I punch myself in the groin? -Mad Anthony Wayne- Until it stops pleasuring you. Can you help me? There are these two guys. One is an ugly guy, but he's really sweet and treats me like a queen. The other guy doesn't know I'm alive and treats women like crap but he is so GORGEOUS, you'd wanna take off his shorts with your teeth. My dilliemma is, should I go out with sweet ugly guy, or pin for the delicious mean guy? -visitorette!- As a former dental assistant I would strongly urge you to go for the sweet guy, 'cause shorts are pretty tough on the enamel. I want some Taco Bell. . . -anonymous visitor- That'll be $13.95 please pull up. Is that guy on the McDonalds commercials suffering from auditory hallucinations, or does somebody really keep saying "McDonalds"? -Jason- Far away voice told me to reject this question. Damn, I had a really cute question all typed up and ready to go. I clicked back to check something and when I clicked forward, my question was gone. Where'd it go? -anonymous visitor- Well I had a really cute rejection all typed up for this question and then... Um, Uh, huh huh, you have a link to Uranus, uh, huh huh huh, uh, huh huh huh. -B&B- Uh, huh, uh, huh, yeah. Is there any way we could justify killing our boss by proving it was a benefit to humanity rather than a gruesome, brutal murder? -Bubba & Lou- Feared answering might cause possibility of forced appearance on "People's Court." I love ya spanky!!!!!Do you love me? -anonymous visitor- Spanky loves everybody. (sheesh) How stupid do I have to be? -anonymous visitor- Rejected genius visitor. Why did Forrest Gump like chocolate waffles? did he get that "gay-man's disease"? I like chocolate waffles but I can't even think about eating them until I know the truth! -anonymous visitor- Just practice safe waffle eating and you should be OK. How many times does the number 34 go into: 073198475934857930157489307 159847319054375848888344534 546265645785678888886574632 543522222121675675674543434 563674675896879556344524347 678686237649123867423598279 482674987509275234896752975 402975923759075023498140923 875109473590478051984095789 043751908237589403871594375 097348907589340758930157834 950783490157834907584930758 349057483905784930748597043 918475931048375984307584907 319847593485793015748930715 984731905437584888834453454 626564578567888888657463254 352222212167567567454343456 367467589687955634452434767 868623764912386742359827948 267498750927523489675297540 297592375907502349814092387 510947359047805198409578904 375190823758940387159437509 734890758934075893015783495 078349015783490758493075834 905748390578493074859704391 847593104837598430758490731 984759348579301574893071598 473190543758488883445345462 656457856788888865746325435 222221216756756745434345636 746758968795563445243476786 862376491238674235982794826 749875092752348967529754029 759237590750234981409238751! 095789043751908237589403871 594375097348907589340758930 157834950783490157834907584 930758349057483905784930748 043751908237589403871594375 097348907589340758930157834 950783490157834907584930758 349057483905784930748597043 918475931048375984307584907 319847593485793015748930715 984731905437584888834453454 626564578567888888657463254 352222212167567567454343456 367467589687955634452434767 868623764912386742359827948 267498750927523489675297540 297592375907502349814092387 510947359047805198409578904 375190823758940387159437509 734890758934075893015783495 078349015783490758493075834 905748390578493074859704391 847593104837598430758490731 984759348579301574893071598 473190543758488883445345462 656457856788888865746325435 222221216756756745434345636 746758968795563445243476786 862376491238674235982794826 749875092752348967529754029? -gum from good x potato pies- I duuno, but you can hear that Hanson hit if you play these numbers backwards on a touch tone phone. Why doesn't the *chick that was stalking you* submit questions anymore? Did you get *rid* of her, should someone notify the police? Is she just a face on a milk carton now? -LEEK- Restraining orders work wonders. Let's say you were a stick figure, and let's say you were named...um...Bob, and let's say you accidentally decreed that all cows should moo whenever you breathe...what would you say? -Fred The Stick Figure - I'm speechless. When your computer stops in the middle of an important(?) download. You? a. smack your head on the desk b. smack your fist on the screen c. grin and bear it (the hour was well spent staring at the screen) d. give up and buy the program at the store -anonymous visitor- Lost half the question while downloading it. Two Questions Please: 1. If you cut off somebody's head, could they still see for awhile? 2. I'm tired of all this politically correct crap everywhere I turn. Any suggestions? -The Manly Man An Anonymous Visitor- Oh, knock it off Bill. PS: Duct tape their eyes shut first. Hey guys what is your favorite soft drink? -Sugar- Question made me burp. I'm hurt that you don't believe I'm Fred The Stick Figure's Mom! Do I not know everything there is to know about Eurth Siense? When you cut me, do I not bleed various chemical substances? Huh? Well? Speak up, young man! - Fred The Stick Figure's Mom - My mom said your mom's weird. Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? -goody- To peck your eyes out. should I pony? -Mad Anthony Wayne- Should I monkey? In the mashed potatoes? should I get a tatoo of a face on my chest and make my nipples the eyes? -Mad Anthony Wayne- Instead, get a tattoo of your groin on your face and your nose can be the... you get the idea. Spanky, If Sly ran into the woods and yelled and there was no woman to hear him, is he still wrong...and insensitive? -Sly's Pop- Ran into woods, forgot question after being attacked by squirrel. Spanky, my dad wants me to go a billboard for Halloween. I think it's only so I'll wear his company's logo? What do you think? -anonymous visitor- Dads can be so cruel. Next year, why not go as a website? Who lives in a yellow submerine? -Doc- Played with question in bathtub. Will you please pass the prozac? -Doc- Sorry, I just took the last one myself. What store sells that T.V. "not sold in stores" merchandise? -anonymous visitor- Called KMart, was on hold all weekend. Why is a monitor called a monitor? we watch it it doesn't watch us/ Or does it? -anonymous visitor- Forgot all about question after scaring myself with my own reflection. Sparky, Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? -me- Thought only ducks and Microsoft had bills. If the cow had goats in her belly would she still be able to laugh when she had a mouth full og gras up her nose?? -JUST WONDERING- Chewed on the question for a while. Still couldn't think up wacky answer. ?dad ekil semordnilap ro gnitirw sdrawkcab, esrow s'tahW -anonymous visitor- .onnud I why DO we park on driveways and drive on parkways... this stupid language doesn't make any sense, like this morning my alarm clock went off and woke me up then I had to turn it off... but the thing was already went off so how was I suposed to turn it off?? see what I'm getting at? life is odd -Valerie- So was this question. Doy Yip yip yip? -anonymous visitor- Yip yip yap? What do Bill Gates and the Wonder-Bra have in common? -Steev- They both have something to do with big boobs. Top 'o the morning to ya Think it'll be an early spring? -Sqweep- The ground hog is on vacation in Vegas this week. Why don't the sprinkles stay on? Damn! -anonymous visitor- Use glue. What's the difference between Miss America on heroin and Martha Stewart? -The Reverend Jough Approximately- One has a cleaner house. If you're both onions, do you cry when you get a cut? (as a correlary, has this question ever been asked before? I haven't really been paying attention) -The Reverend Jough Approximately- Yes, and here's your rejection. Let's say you've just beaten someone to death with your bare hands because they couldn't cough up the vig on some liquid cash they borrowed from you. What's the best way to clean up the mess, consisting of blood, urine, human feces, hair, and little bits of skull and "eye gook"? -The Reverend Jough Approximately- One word, Dustbuster.

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