wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing The Rejected Question Archive : #33 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

Okay, so we made a mistake do we have to call our mothers back even when they say things like "stop picking at your pimples, Elvis, or your face will get infected and you will never get married and you'll have to masturbate for the rest of your life BLIND!"?????????????????? -anonymus visitor (it's his real name)- Rejected. Had to use this question to write my phone number on for the Schwans© guy. Does Sparky get nervous around beef liver? Does Sparky get nervous around sour cream? Does Sparky avoid food processors? Could Sparky fit into a martini glass? Does Sparky have a body or is he just an onionhead? What sex is Sparky,anyway?or both ways? Does Sparky have onion breath? -anonymous visitor- Believe this question is actually secret code from Chinese spies, who are using this website to send messages back home. Which of the smurfs did Smurfette think was the smurfiest: Handy, Brainy, Grouchy, or Papa Smurf? -anonymous visitor- Actually, Smurfette was a lesbian and died a lonely death. I've been trying to find a convertible riding lawn mower with chrome wheels and a racing stripe. Know where I can find one? -Jason- Forgot about question after leaf blower incident in Sears hardware department. Is the scooter ride through hell anything like real hell? Or is it just the highlites? -anonymous visitor- Actually, it's the official hell infomercial. Hey ole Sparkmeister buddy, I have been pondering the origins of your name "SPARKY". Isn't sparky the maskot for the fire department or something like that? Why dont you have a more aPEELING name such as Skinny or Mr. Onionhead? Please help me with this matter because I am suffering from extreme unction. -Love and KIsses, Bib- Wasn't sure what "unction" was but certainly didn't want to catch it. If you were about to serve Communion to your congregation, but before Mass realized that some teenagers had broken into the church in the middle of the night, mCENSOREDd while looking at the statue of Jesus crucified, then deposited their "sCENSOREDw" into the chalice, what would be the best way to clean out the gold-plated gCENSOREDl? This, um, didn't actually happen. I'm just like, wondering, or somethin'. -The RCENSOREDd Jough Approximately- Rejected question cause it was too sCENSOREDd. What do you think I should be for Halloween? I'm thinking about getting a costume of Spanky, then I could terrify everyone! Where do you think I could get one? -Reptile- Pulled on Spanky's face to check. Forgot about question while picking up my teeth. In fraggle rock what were those little green men building? -bug eater- A Rejected page just like this one. How can one safely remove Dr Pepper stains from a keyboard? - Fred The Stick Figure - Ctrl Alt Delete, highlight the keyboard stain remover and hit enter. Why does the sky have a greenish tinge when I look out the window? -Chicken Burrito- Visitor probably blown away in tornado anyway. HELP!!! THE VOICES IN MY HEAD WON'T STOP YELLING WILL YOU PLEASE TELL THEM TO SHUT THE FREAK UP??? -*Shanno*- Visitor shout question. is the pot roast fresh today cap'n? -anonymous visitor- Sure is little buddy! I was thinking of getting a dog and naming it "Uranus", but I haven't been able to find appropriate ways to handle the following situations/phrases: Dog runs away--"Have you seen Uranus?" Dog gains weight--"Uranus is really getting big!" Long vacation--"I really miss Uranus." Dog gets hit by car--"You ran over Uranus." Dog needs shots--"I need to get Uranus vaccinated." Mailman visits--"Stay away from Uranus." Visiting Friends--"I'm bringing Uranus with me." Any suggestions? -Jason- Didn't want to do question about Uranus. Just exactly what part of the chicken IS the nugget, anyways? -anonymous visitor- This question is now an official sponsor of the US Olympic team. Regarding the anonymous visitor trying to get in touch with me--I can be reached at: 1 Big Face Monument Burble, Norj Boogle 1109382918474-0093 Mars (Southern Hemisphere) And would somebody get this damn Mars Rover out of here, it's tearing up my front yard!? -Jason- Not really a question even though Jason included question mark. If I fall flat on my face, will my butt get bruised? -anonymous visitor- Always reject question with "butt" and "face" in them. Excellent Survey.! yea he (Bill Gates) is to rich for me i'm all for cuting his legs off with sheet of lose leaf note-book paper college ruled-of course. But I belive using plastic spoons or butter-knives from KFC is better. -Later. Paul-A hick from Kentucky- Not really a question either, and lack of question mark proves it. if dan dierdorf fell in a forest, and no one heard him, would anyone care? - Fred The Stick Figure's Mom - Rejected. Didn't believe for a minute that this was really Fred's mom. ....? THERE, IS THAT QUESTION GOOD ENOUGH???? hey, wait a min, that was a question, right? Oh, man, i can't stop asking questions, could sombody help me? Please? Pretty Please? Does anyone else have this problem? -anonymous visitor- Visitor asked too many questions. hiya Spanky & Sparky!!! -anonymous visitor- Hiya... whoever. Hey Sparky...how come Spanky's got her own bumper sticker and you don't? SpunkyMunky -anonymous visitor- Cause she thought of it and if I make one she'll probably sue the pants off of me. Why is an Orange? -From: A Cheese- Too fruity how come elvis shortliver is so groovy? -elvis shortliver- Question *was* from elvis shortliver. when is a good time to phone home? -miriam shortliver (elvis's ex-mother)- Question got eaten by food processor. I would like to thank you for earlier answering my question about being to anonymous. I tried yelling out my name in public, but I forgot it. I had to get it tatooed on my right hand (my left has your site's address). But I got stagefright. I tried putting my name in a phonebook, but as you said, it would cost me millions of dollars. Instead I legally had my name changed to Anonymous. Boy is it sure hard to fill out checks! -Anonymous (aka Reptile)- Sneaky visitor try to fool Sparky with fake anonymous name. What causes people to truly believe that produce is capable of answering questions? Or, more specifically, believe that smart-a**ed produce is capable of answering questions. -**Ignore me, I'm harmless**- Didn't feel like PRODUCing an answer. What ever happened to Michael Jackson's little friend Webster? -simian- Michael who? I bought a dozen pumpkins at one of the local farm stands then brought them home. When I choose them, they seemed very well bahaved and mild tempered. Now all they do is fight amongst each other and spit seeds out on my living room floor. I think they are having trouble ajusting to their new surroundings. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this? I know they'll expire soon, but still, my living room is a total mess. -simian- Used question to dry out pumpkin seeds. What kind of music do you listen too... -Frenchy la onion- Rejected, we don't have any ears. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood??? -anonymous visitor- Just stop it. Why did the gremlin in my computer laugh at me??? -*Shanno*- He's not laughing *at* you, he's laughing *with* you. Hey, onion heads, guess what?!?!? I'm a Floating onion, too! isn't it fun??? -*Onion heads 4-ever!!*- Too many question marks. How do you spell it? -anonymous visitor- Spell checker broke last Wednesday. Who knows Murf? -anonymous visitor- Rejected. We don't know murf. The guy I am dating named his new pet snake after Spanky, don't you feel special? -MagicalMisti- Yes, thank you. How come writers write, and teachers teach, but grocers don't groce? If the plural of tooth is teeth, how come the plural of booth isn't beeth? How come you can make amends, but not a single amend? -Just Wondering...desmaraisce@diana.hollins.edu- I dunno. How come onionheads reject questions? If you could design a web page, would it be ? 1. A badly designed, misspelt tirade against the British royal family 2. A nuddy picture-fest 3. A barely-disguised "Fat People Smell" page 4. A mish mash of ideas, some good, most bad, with a silly name 5. Just like mom's. -tart- Visitor forgot to include wacky question/answer type page. Is it possible to "Pop a Zit" in a vaccuum? -Bubbles©- Opened window in shuttle to find answer. Question got sucked out. Ida May Du'lok 14 Damony 24 The Road Somewhere, USA -anonymous visitor- Never really thought about it. HELP! MY FINGER IS STUCK UP MY NOSE!!! COULD YOU HELP??? -*SHANNO*- Always reject nose pickers. Hope visitor nose better next time. What *is* the frequency, Kenneth? And why is Michael Stipe such a knob? -anonymous visitor- Didn't get it. Must be new TV show. Spanky, Do you know that I can get you firch for $.09 a ton and the $.08 that my son quoted? -Sly's Pop- Using question as new firch storage container. How are you doing today? -anonymous visitor- Fine, fine, fine. The other day I forgot to take the dirty kleenex tissues out of my pants pocket before I did the wash. Amazingly, they made it through the washer and dryer intact. In I was thinking about straightening them out and putting them back in the tissue holder. Would that be wrong? -Cherries- Pretty good question. Would like to do "lost in washer" type rejection, felt that might be getting a little old. Thought about maybe using "question too snotty" didn't think it worked well. Just rejected it cause we couldn't think of snazzy answer. James Sykes aka Wyldnight -anonymous visitor- Not a question. I know you can remove an onion's smell from your hands by rubbing steel, i.e. a knife, under cold running water. Is your house some kind of gargantuan John DeLorean design with fire hoses in every room or should we just start calling you both Stinky? -Jadie- Question smelled a little funny. kelly -anonymous visitor- Think it's actually not a question. why do children b*tch so much?? -anonymous visitor- Kids lost question in Pla-Doh© machine. Can Sparky come out and play? -Pee-Wee Herman- Not till I finish my Richard Simmons workout. At my current employment everybody likes me but I get really lousy paid. I have a job offered me where I would probably get a fatter pay-check, but nobody knows me and I don't have any designer clothes. What shall I do? -Matilda- Always reject questions from shabbily dressed visitors. nympho -anonymous visitor- Okay. How fast is the speed of dark? -Classycow1@aol.com- Couldn't read question. It was moving too fast. Actually, I have alot of Smurf-related questions. Do you think you guys could sponsor a Big Smurf Extravaganza in the upcoming months? -Cherries- Not a chance in hell. After something bad happens, how is crying your eyes out supposed to help? All you do is loose a bunch of eye fluid and get all red. How is that supposed to help? -anonymous visitor- Spanky used question to clean out her ears. Robert Kline -anonymous visitor- Sparky Onionhead. Why does peanut butter have to stick to the roof of your mouth? -anonymous visitor- Question got stuck... oh, I think you can guess what happened. why in the world are guys sooooo ignorant and stuff? why can't they just understand that no means NO? and why must they be so competitive about everything? why must they always try to prove that they can do what another guy does only better? why are they like that? -just a curious visitor- Thought the other guys question was better. If a monkey sneezed in a forest, making el nino (accent omitted) just a little wetter and warmer, and that caused a glacier in the arctic to melt just a little bit more, making the waves in Southern California just a tad bit better for surfers, making one surfer in particular very happy, SO happy that he goes home, smokes a huge spliff, and laughs himself silly watching South Park, how does Bill Gates make money from all of this? You just *know* that all of our actions are fueling Bill's bank accounts. -The Reverend Jough Approximately- Sold question to Mr. Gates for a hundred bucks. Am I the only person to ever have a rejected question rejected from the rejected page? -jadie- Yes, but don't take it personally. Spanky! Sparky! Darlings...... Is a good bought of Twister (a Miltion Bradly game) good for a fractured psyche? And if not, why does my psychologist insist that I play 16 rounds every session, in the nude? The only part that makes me feel okay is winning the jumbo gummi bears when I am the triumphant one. ....uh...should I spring from a doc that charges more than five shiny quartz rocks per visit? -Claymeister- My "shrink" said to avoid questions like this.

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