wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing The Rejected Question Archive : #26 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

OK, I give up. I've visited here often enough to know that you guys aren't ordinary yellow onions: So where are you originally from Vidalia, Georgia or Walla Walla, Washington? -A Fan- Always reject questions from household appliances. If humans are the highest life form, why is it that they have to be potty-trained by older humans, whereas cats litter-train themselves? -anonymous visitor- Rejected. Cat wouldn't answer question. Spanky, What exactly is the plant material on a Chia pet and do these plants have any nutritional value? I was just wondering because I find these little plants very tasty, Especially the chia guy. That stuff tastes great in pasta!! -BOB SLY- Tried to answer Bob's question. Gave up when Chia Pet kept staring at me and winking. Which one of the following could be the next zany character on wwwVoice: a) A small geeky guy with lots o' pens and stuff. b) A fat opera chic with lots o' twinkies and stuff. c) A stoner grunge dude with lots o' flannel and stuff. d) A big purple dinosaur with lots o' love and stuff. e) A disgruntled postal worker with lots of semi-automatic weapons and stuff. f) An unhappy UPS driver with lots o' packages and stuff. -Jason- Question is in reference to replacing the "big burly guy with lot's of guns and stuff" (who I might add is none to happy about the whole thing) Saving question for next poll. Unless I lose it in the archive. Hey Sparky & Spanky! I have a...that is, a friend of mine is confronted with a dilemma (gosh, hope I spelt it right!) Say...well...say you were employed. Employed as an assistant manager in a dynamic, expanding, golf ball advertisement marketing corporation. So the boss comes to you one day and offers you a promotion, and substantial raise. The only thing is that you have to relocate in order to accept the goodies. Your options are to head east, to the Mojabi Desert, or South to New Orleans. Oh, and did I mention that you just so happen to be a Crawdad? What should I...I mean, my friend do? -Seg Mentedeyes-Tosee cewilcho@hotmail.com- Whacked some crawdads around. Forgot all about question after badly slicing shot on the 14th hole. Is hurricane Erica gonna hit Illinois? -Funky Chnky Chicken Parloure Del Fuego- Question blew away in sudden gust of wind. I think there's a smurf living in my zip drive. If i leave a disk in it, pretty soon a BLUE screen will come up and tell me that it can't read the disk, and smurfs can't read, so what should i do to get the smurf out? -MoleStank- Unbend a paper clip and poke it around. Hey!! :) Sooooo. Yunno wad dime sain g? -anonymous visitor- Not sure exactly what visitor was saying. Why is Sandra Arthur so mean? -anonymous visitor- Rejected this question, because Sandra told us to. Boy she hates you! So, anyway, I got this huge, lifetime supply of aloe, and I'm not sure what to do with it. Lotion, hair gel, all that stuff. But what else can I use it for? -anonymous visitor- Couldn't use question 'cause it had "goopy" stuff all over it. What if our first President was named George A-Sea? Would our capitol be called "A-Sea D.C?" -confuzled history kid- Already had gay type question this week. Just wondering - if Spanky is no longer for sale - does that mean you've shaped up and are now treating her with the respect she deserves? -The Big Sister- Sure, just what she deserves. Is there a point to this madness??? -anonymous visitor- Yes but we're not telling. According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, 103 people die every second. Do you think we could use up half a minute's quota to clean out the world supply of paparazzi? -anonymous visitor- Aardvark ate question. Well, well, well. Didn't I ask you guys about Captain Kirk's hair already? Did you make up some silly fib just to placate me? -simian- Cripes, we gave you credit on the bottom of the questions page with little stars around it and everything! Hey, Sparky. Is that hair on your head, or something else? -Follicly Challenged- Question too personal. Sparky, Do those of us that are unemployeed by choice (ie: married and moochin' off our husbands, er I mean spouses) have to observe labor day? Umm.. what the hell is labor day for anyway.. well, other than the obvious, giving the Banks and post office employees another day off with pay? -that weird chick that is stalking you- Rejected, don't care what it is as long as we get the day off. What is your best defense if you get stuck in frames? -Frameless- Try to look like the Mona Lisa. Hawiian punch or fresh doggy squeezin's? -ooooo- Probably not visitors real name. if the rain in Spain lays mainly in the plain then isn't it a little deep by now? -Memy SelfandI- Big "Aquatic Extravaganza" maybe by Christmas. Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? -Oops!- No, but I do someti Hey - why weren't we informed in advance about the "Tropical-O-Rama"? I have a kiwi questions I've been dying to ask. -Matilda- God no please! No more kiwi questions! Is it ok to not sleep for 3 days? Cuz I thought this site was the msnbc site with all the refernces to bill gates. I thought it funny that the company finaly got the picture he was really, I mean really the king of all dorks. -anonymous visitor- Didn't wish to tick off "king of dorks" by giving snappy answer, especially after being invited to next Saturdays slumber party. Would you rather be a sucker or a lollipop? a) A sucker cuz' I a dum-dum. b) A lollipop because I'm twice as sweet and last twice as long. c) Duh uh I don't want any cavities so I'd rather be me. -anonymous visitor- Licked question, words smeared, couldn't answer. Just how could Sesame Street and the Childrens Television Network market a Spank Me Elmo or a Kick Me Elmo doll and still stay on the air? -Snidely Whooplash- Visitor forgot to mention the new CENSORED-Me-Elmo. Why do people go on strike for a prolonged period of time, causing more people, possibly themselves, to lose their jobs once the strike is over? -anonymous visitor- Picketing this question. Why is a hot dog called a 'hot dog' when, in reality, it is simply a large phallus filled with meat by-products? -Demanda- Sexually bizarre Which do you find more inspiring, Andrew Lloyd Webber's _Phantom of the Opera_ or earwax? -Sultan Pepper- Musically bizarre. So are you onions with fruit stuck on your heads or fruit with onions stuck up your butts? -anonymous visitor- Stuck question up butt, couldn't think of wacky answer. Sparky, Are you and Spanky related in any way or are you boyfriend & girlfriend? -AG- We were secretly married by an Elvis impersonator. how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? -Looney- Rejected. want everybody to guess why. MMMyrmmslpahhh um, have you ever ate cap'n crunch? -Jim E. Karter- See above question. I understand that, aside from being an incredibly delicious snack, SPAM also has useful household applications. Can you explain? You see, after my toaster told me this, I had to put it back in it's cozy, as it was getting agitated. -simian- Feared visitors might not enjoy "scary toaster" story. Why are you supposed to see pink elephants when you drink? -Mr. Al Coholic- Not visitors real name. Why does a 'Rachel' never look the same on you as it does on Jennifer Aniston? -anonymous visitor- Rejected, I thought I looked just like her. Ok, so you're in a car and this giant monkey falls on you. You get out of the car and say: Why? Or, maybe this question: Why is an Orange? -FROM-The Cheese- Got so confused by question wasn't sure if "FROM-The Cheese" was visitors name, or part of wacky question. Have I already submitted a question this week? I can't remember. Anyway. What do you think the impact of all the kids going back to school will have on the New York Stock Exchange? Ching? Ching? Ching? -Fred The Stick Figure (who loves you guys! *smooch*)- Love Fred too. Didn't wish to inadvertently endanger any of my investments. If the opposite of "ignoble" is "noble", why isn't "ignorant"'s opposite "norant"? -Nanda--still up pondering this baby- Not sure what a "norant" is. How does spanky keep her girlish figure? -anonymous visitor- She says the bow on her head is fifty pounds. My turtle bit my genitals off. What do I do with my coffee? -Skippy- Feared possibility of unwanted big turtle ate my balls extravaganza.

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