wwwVOice Humor Zine|
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these lousy questions!
:)I'm happy today, how are you two?
-Happy Happy Joy Joy-
Rejected question. Felt visitor was having too good a time.
Sparky, We have a person in our school who is very weird (i.e. he spasms out all the time because of little things, he's got the ego the size of mount Rushmore yet he says humbris is bad, he thinks he is the smartest kid in school but gets a B average, etc) how do we get rid of this kind of problem??? (By the way his name is Charles
Enjoyed "Phat@$$, OutKast" question. Felt this week's only appropriate answer was "Jam him up your butt" or "Kick his ass." Finally rejected question after realizing that the Charles they were referring to was probably my evil twin.
How come sometimes I'll post a question, and it won't show up in either the "A-list" *or* the rejected list? What gives? I mean, either a question is accepted or rejected, right? --
-The Reverend Jough Approximately-
OK, here's the big in-depth explanation as to what happens to all the questions we receive here at wwwVOice.
1. If your question is too funny, it will be rejected.
2. If your question is not funny enough, it will be rejected.
3. If your question is just funny enough, it will be rejected
4. If your question is lost, it will not be included anywhere.
Hope this clears up any misunderstandings.
If my moma has a big butt. My dad has a big butt. My whole family has big buts. Who else has big butts?
Feared "Big Butted" family might not appreciate smart-alecky type answer.
Dear Spunky, Is it true that web nerds,er..a..users have larger butts then the non computer users (if there are any now-a-days)? Is this from sitting on ones rear with eyes glued to some very uggly web sites? Bring on the"Big Butt Extravaganza"® let's get this kickin'
-N. Office Chair-
Rejected. Couldn't get butt out of chair to measure it.
Spanky: why do hotdog buns always come in packages of six, and hot dogs come in packages of eight? Isn't it one bun to one dog?
-Kit Kat mercury@ADVNET.net-
Bought 147 packages of hotdogs and 213 packs of buns. Still counting.
Who is your favorite Detroit Red Wing?
-Amazon Rain (Yeah Wings!!)-
Considering saving question for possible "Big Bird Extravaganza" in September.
butts huh huh
Visitor laugh too hard at own question.
Do you think a 300lb butt is too large for a chick? If you do, then mine isn't that big.
-that weird chick with the perfect butt that keeps stalking you-
Visitor answered own question.
Would you like to make a film about multi-dinosaurs and gross a hundred millions ($$$) in a few days.
-Yours, Eladio firstname.lastname@example.org (eladio) Pre-installed Company-
How many times do I have to tell you, I won't be in your porno film.
Why was my last question rejected? I thought it "passed the mustard", if you will.
Smeared "mustard" on question. Still rejected it.
-peanut BUTTer mouth guy-
Name "butt related" question was not.
To Spanky or Sparky, I have enjoyed Bon Jovi's music for two decades. But I keep hearing they're going to break up in 1999. No one I know personally has told me this, but I've read it in magazines. Is it true?
-From Jon Bon Jovi-
Didn't think visitor was real "Jon Bon Jovi" owing to fact that he could type.
Why is it that whenever I do laundry, one sock out of a pair inevitably gets lost? I mean, no matter how hard I try, I always lose half my socks. Where do they go, and what can be done to end the INSANITY!!!!
They go up somebody's butt.
My brother had a cat named Spanky. Can I have a hug?
Is eating too much spicy food bad for your butt?
Already had "butt bursting into flames" question on front page.
Ok, why do old women's butts seem to spread as they get older, I mean we stopped growing at age 19.
Spent weekend looking at old women's butts. Don't wish to talk about it.
Okay, my kid INSISTS on wiping his own butt because he says he can do it himself, but, his underware indicates otherwise and he keeps getting rashes and just will not let me check if he did the job properly. What's a mom to do?
-mom of poopie-kid-
Didn't want whole mess to turn into "Big Poop Extravaganza"
Hey sparky, my cable came off my CD drive and I can't install windows '95. What should I do?
Tried to call "Bill" to see if help was available. Couldn't get through, found out later that his phone had become unplugged.
How come when you slice onions, your eyes burn? Is it that the onion is giving off toxic fumes so the person slicing and dicing might stop?
Didn't wish to "slice up" any friends or relatives to answer loony question.
Who is your favourite dwarf actor?
Only know about seven.
Do you save head flakes for sentimental value?
Visitor obviously "emotionally bonkers."
Why does my butt itch?
Felt visitor might actually be looking for help.
What causes you to wake up Monday morning?
Not enough "butt" references.
How many angles can dance on a pin?
Too captivated by dancing apparitions to answer question.
What's up with those Mentos commercials? I really dont get how some guy would run into a wedding to get his soccer ball. And then he kisses the bride, and the groom laughs! Thats just not right. You'd think he would punch the guy out! I know(if I were a groom and I couldn't be cause I'm a female..)I would!
Rejected. Breath mints probably not good subject matter during a Big Butt Extravaganza.
SPAM is a wonderful thing, yet people hate it. Why?
Because it makes your butt bigger.
I'm thinking of taking up a hobby, since I have no life. So, of course, stalking came to mind. However, I need to find a suitalble love-daddy to follow around. And since you, Sparky, are already being stalked, I must find another. My question is, who would be a better candidate? Mickey Rooney, Andy Rooney, Matlock? Please help me.
Didn't wish to inadvertently encourage visitor to stalk bad actors, or whiny old men.
~=0) Awww... ain't he cute?
Question too visual.
PAM is something you cook with. SPAM is something you use PAM to cook. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!
-i luv spam-
Spent Saturday putting out fire after spraying Pam on Spam.
If I click this button, will my butt fall off?
Rejected. Feared big lawsuit from "buttless" visitor.
Why do people hate tapioca pudding? Tapioca pudding is food of the gods. All people who hate tapioca pudding ("ewww... it looks like fish eggs") can go piss off. Are ya with me??
Now rejecting all fish/god tie-in type questions. Like tapioca though.
Spank and Spark...Ever noticed that dogs go crazy and don't seem to like it when you blow in their faces....yet LOVE to put their nose out the window of a speedng car? Why is this so?
Did "blow in dog face" question week before last.
Sparky, Speaking of butts (this works best if you put it under a letter that is actually talking about butts, or perhaps, just a few letters down, in order to bring the reader's attention back to the matter in hand), and...uh...where was I ?
Mick didn't really seem to "Zero-in" on whole butt extravaganza concept.
hey. . i think you'd like this page. .it kicks ass heh http://mass-pc.wpi.edu/~wuss/monkey/
Visitor forgot question mark.
Dear Sparky, Remember that old tv show called "Small Wonder" or something like that, which starred that little robot girl? Well, my question is, was the robot's brother the now famous lead singer of Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Corrigan? I'm pretty sure it's him.
Built little robot girl in basement. Shaved her head and taught her to sing in whiny manner. Thought it more likely that brother might be Sinead O'Conner.
Hey Spanky/arky . . . What the hell is a grape nut, anyways?
Forgot question after breaking teeth on wacky sticks and twigs breakfast cereal.
Felt question was perhaps just a little shallow.