wwwVOice Humor Zine|
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these mediocre questions!
Why is it that the plot lines and characters on Melrose Place are SO ludicrous and unbelievable, but not only do we accept them, but we come back each week to watch them???
Forgot question after getting wrapped up watching "big busty girls" on nightime soap.
If Florida were a carpet...how long would it take you to vacuum it?
Spent weekend vacuuming various states. Still emptying bag.
Isn't Spam just like the "Velveeta" of meat. ie. "There's no single cheese like Velveeta because Velveetas more then one single cheese" Thank you
Already had "mental" cheese question this week.
One day a guy walked into a bar... ouch.
"Heather" probably dead now anyway.
Hey Sparky, do you know a good place to get a life? I really need to know, because my brother has been asking for one for his birthday for a while now, and I finally decided to get him something he really needs.
-Thanx! -Big Sis-
Rejected. Just Sparky's sister being cute.
Dear Sparky, What's toe jam made of??? Just wondering because it realy doesn't taste too good when I use it with Peanut butter.
-Thanks..Matt P from King of Prussia-
Webuser "Matt" probably not real king of small European nation.
Here's an email I got that I thought you might find amusing!!!
>> Life Lessons from Melrose Place:
>>>1. If your "significant other" leaves town for more than a week,
>>> sleep with whomever you want. After all, you can't be expected to
>>> wait around forever.
>>>2. Never sleep with your boss or coworker. Just kidding. You
>>> should do both, often.
>>>3. A good way to unwind after a hard day at the office is to build
>>>a fire, curl up with a good book, and rapidly drink seven large glasses of
>>>4. Every once in a while, just go ahead and slap somebody in the
>>>face, really hard.
>>>5. Pretend you're pregnant.
>>>6. Feeling a little insecure? Buy a gun!
>>>7. If marriage isn't working, consider a divorce. If divorce isn't
>>> convenient, fake your own death.
>>>8. Don't walk too fast when feigning blindness.
>>>9. Never base a relationship on lies and deceit. Just kidding!
>>> Dishonesty should be an integral part of any relationship.
>>>10. When you leave someone to die of carbon monoxide poisoning, be
>>> sure to shut the door tightly on your way out.
>>>11. Don't date drug dealers...unless they're really good-looking...or have
>>>a lot of money...or unless you can gain something from it in some
>>>way...or...oh hell, go ahead and date drug dealers.
>>>12. Don't get too close to people in comas. Sometimes they wake up
>>>and try to choke you.
>>>13. If you get fired, get drunk.
>>>14. Call your ex-wife "Baby."
>>>15. If you've got to fix your Harley, you might as well take off
>>>your shirt and do it by the pool.
>>>16. Randomly insult the people around you.
>>>17. Parents will be parents. Sometimes they'll nag. Sometimes
>>>they'll be judgmental. Sometimes they'll commit you to a miserable
>>>insane asylum where you'll be bound in a straightjacket and heavily
>>>18. If you lose your job, wait a few minutes and you'll get an even
>>> better job at twice the salary.
>>>19. A good way to aggravate your sister is to tell her that
>>> Mom liked you best. Another good way is to sleep with her husband a bunch
>>>20. Just because you're in the midst of ruining someone's career
>>>doesn't mean that you can't carpool to work with them.
--Jon Atkinson JAtkinson@usa.net-
Rejected. No time answer big joke list.
We feel honored that you put our question as the Deep question, but could we get some credit for asking the question. Thank You!
-The Latino Clan-
Sure, here it is: HEY EVERYBODY! The Latino Clan sent in this month's deep question.
Why is there brail at drive-thru ATM machines?
A. to confuse people that can see.
B. to confuse the blind people.
C. because it seemed like a good idea at the time.
D. because the inventor was high and/or just stupid.
Didn't wish to insult handicapped visitors.
if there was a farmer who had a dog and bingo was his name 'o ? was bingo the farmer or the dog?
if there was a farmer who had a dog and bingo was his name o'. is bingo the farmer or the dog?
Got this question twice this week. Thought "Bingo" was actually a religious thing.
onion breath you make me sick but answer this multipal choice question if me and a dog were born on the same day same time same year is it true when i am seven he is forty-nine? (A)yes (B)no
Bitter visitor hopefully dead by now.
I read recently that if every man woman and child in the U.S. were paid the prevailing minimum wage for the time they spend watching television, their collective "wage" would nearly equal the national debt. Would the nation save money if everyone simply stopped watching TV? --
Feel Bill should probably stop hanging around wwwVOice and maybe take a coupla' minutes and put country back in shape.
If nectar is the food of the gods, then what's rice pudding? And why would gods need to eat anyway? ~I know it's not a great question but I was hungry okay?
Advise all visitors to eat prior to visiting site.
Will you marry me?
-Some Desperate Grrrl-
No. (grrrl obviously desperate)
what drives a man like you to constantly search for answers?
-magnetic (hi spanky)-
Lack of ever finding any.
Is internet short for something?
Rejected after dog peed on it.
who are you guys???
Forgot question after "big" identity crisis.
What is the meaning of life?
Did question in April. Need search page now to find own stuff.
if clinton droped dead in a parking lot and you witnessed that it was a heart attack, when they made you testify what would you say????
Avoiding possible unsolicited courtroom drama.
Let's all talk about Hanson ! Spanky, can you please find out what the lyrics are to this chirpy up-beat melody ? "Mmm bop, something something something, do wap". Now what the hell does that mean ? Oh, and how long should I cook chicken for?
Had big chicken cookout. They seemed to be on the grill for about mmm bop, 45 minutes.
What's dumber than a Blond?
Uh.. you stumped me.
Why is Humpty Dumpty always an egg? In the illustrations he's an egg, on bags of potatoe chips he's an egg, but never once in the poem does it mention that he is a poultry product. What gives?
Feared possible promotion of egg flavored potato chips.
Why are wisdom teeth called that? Seems to me that they cause nothing but stress and strife and PAIN!
Felt Dr. Teeth should already know answer.
If wishes were fishes and this was a brook. Whats for dinner?
Wanted to answer question with "fish" felt overly contrived answer probably not as funny as "squirrel" decided to forget whole question.
Which one of these greetings do you most often use?
(5)Hi ho the derry-o
(6)You looking at me? You looking at me?
(7)Get away from me!
Why? Why me? Why Why Why?
Question not specific enough.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? -Elmer "Happy" Barnes How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood? CoLa (Ian) Explain why we drive on parkways and then park in driveways? why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway??? Okay...if pro and con are opposites...than is congress the opposite of progress???
All 5 of this weeks rejected parkway/woodchuck/congress questions.