wwwVOice Humor Zine|
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!
Ok Spanky, I was just wondering, if a hamburger is called a hamburger why is there no real ham in it?
Went to Wendy's. Forgot all about question after manager offered exciting part time opportunity in rewarding fast food career.
Why is it, that just when the radio starts playing a good song, your neighbors pick that moment to yell at you. But, right when you're going to sleep, they crank on their radio?
Played radio really loud. My neighbors, the Deafingstons didn't really seem to care one way or the other.
Sparky, what's your favorite TV show? (besides Ellen and Oprah)
-Phat@$$ and OutKast (your very loyal fans)-
Didn't want entire web to know Sparky's TV is stuck on the Fishing Channel.
If you're in your car traveling at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, can you see them come on?
Was unable to get '76 Volkswagon Beetle to go speed of light. Even after cleaning spark plugs.
why do drive up cash machines have braille on them?
Couldn't check due to "Whizzing" through cash machine at close to speed of light. (see above question)
If you get hungry an hour after eating Chinese food do you get horny an hour after having sex with a Chinese woman?
Really wanted to answer question. Had "big" Chinese dinner then visited local Laundromat. Had good time but suddenly lost interest in answering question.
In the movie, "Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail" the person says that maybe an African swallow brought the coconut to England.My question is...can an african swallow really carry a 10 pound coconut?
Enjoyed question. Have seen MPHG many times. Rejected question for fear that webmaster Sparky might get flung off fiery bridge.
Spanky, My Yugo ran out of gas. Should I throw it away and buy a new one that has a full tank?
Had to reject question, feared Jason might be funnier than us.
Spanky, how are you today?
-the stalker's friend-
Spanky felt playing "hard to get" probably good idea to keep first stalker interested.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
a) 10 Board feet
b) 100 Board feet
c) if you really know the answer, how many hours do you spend sufing the net?
-By: Raj Singh-
"Raj" unwitting winner of wwwVOice 1000th woodchuck question contest.
Dear Shparky, Ever shinshe I been a little kid, I been vondering dish queshtion: How mush would would a woodshuck shuck if a canner can can cans? Pleashe help me out.
Sadly "Erdener" missed "big prize" by only one hour. (see above question)
Spanky/Sparky: Can you please tell me when self-control is a bad thing?? Hoping you have a wonderful day,
-that chick who really wants to stalk you... again-
Had wonderful day, forgot all about question.
ok..if i was like travelling faster than the speed of light with Bill Gates and i turned on a flashlight would it come on? Or would Bill pay the light to slow down so my flashlight could work?
Rejected because answering "Just wondering" question would probably force name change.
Tina Chopp is God?
-Guido S. DeLuxe High Priest of The Church of Tina Chopp-
Looked up "Church of Tina Chopp" in local phone book. Forgot about question when I saw coupon for "two for one" circumcision in green section.
Hey... Spany Why are there coffee cup folders on my computer, and tell me - why can`t I find the CD Drive?
-Cris P. (yeah, I know what it sounds like)-
Enjoyed munching on visitors name, felt question not quite as fresh and crunchy.
Do you think this "anonymous" guy is really Gallagher, the famed liberal melon whacker? Because I saw one of his shows on Comedy central, and when he wasn't hitting things, he was asking "anonymous's" questions. Or do you think maybe Gallagher has developed a time machine, read anonymous's questions, and traveled back to the 80's and recorded the shows just to piss you off. P.S. I know I just should have put an apostrophe after "anonymous", but I figured you'd get confused by a quotation mark with 3 thingies. i.e. '" whatever P.S. do you smoke drugs? Do you want to?
Spent three day weekend "whacking" wide variety of fruits. Didn't help answer question however, now have lots of nice entrees for next weeks Hawaiian night barbecue.
Sparky, what's 2 plus two?
Couldn't think of clever answer. Thought "4" just plain boring. Felt "2two" might be too patronizing. Didn't think "I lost my calculator" (although true) was good wacky answer. Finally just gave up and continued "Fruit Whacking." (see above question)
Since it is quickest and easiest to keep a hand calculator nearby, why is this thing called a "computer"?
Didn't completely understand question due to head injuries sustained in recent "fruitccident." (see above, above question)
Which do you think is the worst way to die-freezing to death or burning to death?
Seeing as that we're actually onions, our only real fear is that we'll be sliced up and deep-fried.
Hey Sparky! Come a bit cllllooooooosssssseeeeeeerrrr!
-The homesexual man that is now stalking you-
Visitor forgot question mark.
Sparky, Any truth to the rumor that Intel will soon petition all 50 states, asking them to recall any license plates bearing MMX 686 or 686 MMX? Apparently they are concerned about confusing potential customers, who might think the various Fords,Toyotas, etc are actually powered by MMX technology!
Banged license plate onto computer. Lost question in hardrive crash.
How come whenever there's a street scene of Russia on the news all the women in the picture are old and heavy-set?
Sparky, what kind of a Car do you drive? (Are you some kind of Redneck that drives a pickup, or are you rich and drive a sports car?)
-once again, Phat@$$ and OutKast (your loyal fans)-
Like Phat@$$ and OutKast, feel as though they're good friends of Sparky and Spanky. Didn't want to insult them by telling them their question is stupid.
Sparky, How many times could you wrap a mole of string around the earth? Assume that the earth is a perfect sphere. Also assume that the thickness of the rope is 1 cm, and that each unit of the rope is 1 meter long.
-Chris, OutKast, and Phat@$$-
Was unable to bend "mole" more than 30 degrees.
Whats the difference between half a duck?
Already had fowl question on front page.
I was just reading the rejected question a visitor asked regarding nude pictures of your wife to which your reply was: No, but I have some of yours. I was just wondering: do you have any nude pictures of MY wife?
-The guy who's making lots of money fro-
Felt safe rejecting question, visitor possibly dropped dead while signing name.
$e5fc $044f $012a $bcd3 $56fe (Or was it the other way around?)
$gre $556n (and no more algebra questions please)
Dear Sparky,...uh or should I ask Spanky first... Never mind.
Onionymous Vizitor forgot to include question.
If Mickey Mouse and the Pillsbury Doughboy were fighting a fair fight, who do you think would win?
Waiting to see final outcome of "Toonmania" being held this year in Zimbabwe. Also didn't want mouse droppings in biscuits.
Why can't I return videos on time?
Whoops, gotta go.