wwwVOice Humor Zine|
Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!
Spank/Sparkey, Say, Try this it really happens: *open a new document on your Microsoft word.*type in ZZZZ*do a spell-check
Traded in personal copy of "Word" for "Leisure Suit Larry" last year. Regret loss of macros, but feel "Cartoon Busty Women" definitely more fun.
Dear Sparky, How come the itch in the middle of your back always stays just ahead of the scratch? How come the water always spins when it goes down the toilet? If we could travel faster than the speed of light would we still have a shadow?
"Just Curious" probably not aware that "Speed of Light Toilet Scratcher" available at any K-Mart.
Whenever I try to go to your site during school in our computer lab, the computer teacher tells me to: "get off that worthless site" I personally think your site on the web. How can I avoid getting caught again by the idiotic teacher.
-OutKast and Phat@$$-
Phat@$$ spells name too funny. Felt OutKast probably more sane of two, even though name indicates he's not. Forget why I rejected question now.
Dear Spanky or Sparky, I have this problem with SPAM,every time my mom makes it, I jump for joy I'm so happy, but yet, when it comes out on the plate I feel differen't about it. PLEASE help!!
-An anonymous person who wants to have the longest submitted name here at http://wwwVOice.com/question.html in as many years that it has been a very popular funny well liked very enjoyable web sight on the also very popular well liked enjoyable as well as helpful world wide web that is now appearing on my computer screen as well as millions of other computer screens all over the world-
Rejected, probably not visitors real name.
You know that you are going to fail the final exam. How can you be as disruptive as possible without being thrown out.
Folded test into paper hat, got thrown out. Inserted pencils into nose and did best Bella Logosia imitation, got thrown out. Pulled shirt over head, got thrown out. Gave up and just finished drivers exam.
Spanky, do you know of any government grants I could get to build a teleporter? Seems I wasted my logic on other stuff for the last thirty years. Thanks, live long and prosper.
Know for fact, all government grants must be for useful, possible things. Like airplanes you can't see, and square tomatoes
Dear Sparky, When I took a bath last evening, I noticed a whiteish, waxy ring around the tub just below that auxillary drain thing. What I would like to know is what exactly is the stuff and what is the axillary drain thingy called.
-Fresh 'n' Clean-
Need pictures for complete evaluation.
Are you on the mothership now?
Keeping secret about Spanky being distant second cousin to "Brrrrrringing" aliens on Sesame Street.
Dear Sparky, Since you're an onion, are you afraid of going stale???
-The Stalker's Best Friend-
Not as worried about own personal safety as I am about the jokes.
Watched "Ellen" tape... Now I find onions twice as appealing... Will you stop sleeping with your curtains closed?
-The Hermaphrodite that is still stalking you-
Although "Hermaphrodite" is probably my favorite Greek god, felt question needed to be more topical.
Now what were we talking about? My mind wanders... Can you help me refresh my memory??
Cheez Whiz, we were talking about Cheez Whiz.
How familiar are you with the writings of my brother, Author Unknown, and myself?
Lost question, got wrapped up helping neighbor clean weed whipper.
Why is it that sometimes I walk into a room and can't remember why I wanted to be there in the first place?
Did question in September. Now having entire archive printed up on extra soft bathroom tissue.
yeAh..i just got me labatomee preformed sos mi harddrove woldnt crashe comin ta yeur site. stil dos. Sew whos falt is it? Urs, my drs or the hardrivez?
Have any nude pictures of your wife?
No, but I have some of yours.
Hmmmmmm . . . . . .Why is it that we drive on PARKways, and park on DRIVEWAYS?
Oh, I give up.
I-Can't Stop-Laughing And-It-Hurts
It's OK, I know CPR!
Sparky.... so, you're saying that if I send you a pic of myself pouring chocolate over my naked breats, hand deliver doughnuts, or say that I am stalking you....I will have my question posted on the front page??
Spanky.... Why are you my best friend...why is there air...why do we breathe...why do they call it a parkway not a drive way....why why why why do you know how long that took me to type???
-Spanky's best friend......-
Why are you doing this to me... why why why.
If monitor manufacturers can sell us 15" monitors when they're really 13.24352 (or whatever, they're lieing either way so it doesn't matter...just subtact an inch) then can we pay them less than we owe them but tell them we paid them more? Furthermore, I think that monitor manufacturers are guys trying to compensate for some shortcoming on their part...wait, that wasn't a question, was it? Wait! There's one. (Oh, well, 2 out of three...)
-signed, don't know when to stop-
Relieved when, "don't know when to stop" finally stopped.
why is my arse so itchy?
Jeepers, doesn't anybody read anymore, the "Big Butt Extravaganza" is next month.
Why we can't say "a pair of bra" when it's actually a pair? Yet, we can say "a pair of panty" even thought it's NOT a pair??
Almost always reject questions from military officers.
If dogs could see in color, what color would it be?
Did many tests on "Fido" with box of crayons, didn't feel results were accurate enough to post.
How much is that doggie in the window? The one with waggedy tail? That one there, behind the chipmunk. Well?
Chipmunk ate price list.
Why is it that when we transport something by ship it's called CARGO and when we transport something by car, it's called SHIPMENT?
Spent weekend "wringing out" Pinto after driving through local reservoir.
Dear Spanky or Sparky,
Visitor forgot question mark
Enjoyed question, however felt that personal habits of Boris Yeltson probably not appropriate wwwVOice material.
I got the milk from the freezer and it was cold.
Thanks, thanks a lot.
How long is a submarine? true or false
I always get the "foot long."
How come the drivers seat on the Postal Service cars are on the right side of the car?
Attempted to ask driver, forgot whole thing due to excitement over being named "finalist" in Clearing House sweepstakes.
Why don't we float like people in space. I want to eat my applesauce and pee in a floating toilet. And do you believe in Space Aliens.
-Paco and OutKast -
Was actually captured and studied by aliens in '88. Didn't wish to relive old memories of endless hours spent dodging "floating toilet." Have custom made "Haircut Helmet" to substantiate this claim.
Ya know, all I want to do is work on my home page, surf to certain dirty sites, and jump on the ol information-super-highway? Is that to much to ask? But gee, AOL won't let me!!!! Help me !!!!!Help me!!!!!
-one frustrated person who is really tired of excuses.....-
Was going to load AOL to check problem out, couldn't find disk.
why do sandals only have holes on the top?
Got kicked out of local Payless for "Shoe Poking."
How come no one on Gilligan's Island ever had a tan?
Thought Mary Anne looked a little bronze.
If you turn the power off to your monitor, will the screen saver still run?
Turned monitor off. Couldn't see question.
If a chicken and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long will it take a fly with a wooden leg to kick the seads out of a dill pickel?
Had dream about chicken laying seedless pickle, felt bad omen probably shouldn't be ignored.
Did ya ever think that when Bill Gates called his company Microsoft he was referring to anything in particular??
Did enough Microsoft belittling this week. Afraid Bill might not dress up for next Saturday's "Hawaiian night" barbecue.
How many pancakes make a doghouse? Are you a turtle? Just wandering (and wondering)
Bob probably missed big doghouse/pancake/turtle extravaganza last February. (oh, and you bet your sweet ass)
Wherez my fadda?
Question too specific.
do you (guys) really make a living doing this sort of thing?
Oh yeah, we're millionaires now.
Feared wildly popular "Bob Saget" run away with vote.
who made up the rules on what colors can go together. what color is puce and who thought up that name for it? is there really any difference between apricot, peach and yellow? why did I buy a godawful looking green computer?
-obviously not gay-
"obviously not gay" probably gay.
Just who discovered that licking frogs was a good thing?
Pet frog "Ribbet" now hiding in closet.
Dearest Sparky~ I was wondering if you had a girlfriend, and if not, do you want one? I think that you are so sexy and I wish that I could somehow meet you and I know that you would like me too. Please? I will write you another note next week and see if you will reply. Thank you for the opportunity. I know you won't regret it! Love forever and always,
Sparky now same place as "Ribbet" (see above question)
Say Sparky, why does it suddenly become necessary for one to smell the milk jug when it is obvious that the liquid inside has since curdled, and therefore, has a god awful smell?
Smelly question so deep in archive only Indiana Jones could find it.
If fusion power were harnessed today, the abundant energy resulting would probably sustain and even further encourage our present appetite for continued growth and in a relatively few doubling times produce an appreciable fraction of the solar power input to the earth. Make an argument that the current delay in harnessing fusion is a blessing for the human race.
Rejected due to being way too accurate.