wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing The Rejected Question Archive : #8 Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!

"Silly as all Hell" one year anniversary Does earwax burn like candle wax? I tried to figure this out myself, but I set my hair on fire. -anonymous visitor- Rejected because reckless visitor probably dead now anyway. Sparky, I was wondering.. uh... well, um... you know. Wondering if... nevermind. -anonymous visitor- Rejected because visitor forgot question. Why do all of the best questions wind up on the Rejected page? -Jadie- Feel Jadie may be bitter due to recently losing "Rejected Pollster of the Month" contest. Who is more of a big fat idiot - - Newt Gingrich or Bill Gates? A.Newt Gingrich B.Bill Gates C.I refuse to answer that because it would conflict with my code of ethics. D.My mother E.My portable phone's mother -anonymous visitor- Still doing final beta testing on "Big Fat Idiot-O-Meter" huh? -anonymous visitor- Question too general. Dear Sparky, I hope you answer personal questions. Do onion's wear underwear? If you answered "yes", boxers or briefs? If you answered "no", why the hell not?? -anonymous visitor- Rejected, not sure which category underoos fall under. Did ya miss me while I was gone? -Your favorite stalker-chick- Questions from "stalkers" now dime a dozen. See next question. Hey - can I get in on this thing stalking thing? Sounds like fun. -The girl who's stalking the guy who's stalking the girl who's stalking you- Feverishly working on page containing comprehensive instructions for stalking. See next question. Ok, I've a black PVC raincoat, the plans to your office building, some handcuffs, and a brand new set of steak knives....what else do i need? -The guy whos now pretty much got the hang of stalking you- "Guy" obviously professional stalker. See next question. Ok here's my question: Where's your nose? Or is it that you have a very high body odor and you tore off your nose... -The girl who is now stalking Bill Gates- Rejected to avoid ugly reminder of bad "salad spinner" accident. However, glad to see stalkers moving on to greener pastures. When you stare into a monitor, who or what (or is it me) is being "monitored"? -anonymous visitor- Found no answer even after exhaustive computer disassembly. Did find long lost M&M's though. Dear Spanky, What's with all this butter and cat stuff? Tell me what would happen if i put butter on my head AND feet, than what would happen? Well ... i'd slip, then when my head hit the ground I would slid into the wall. Does that mean neither? -Signed, Person that asked a question- "Person that asked a question" is obviously new visitor that needs to dig deep in archives to fully appreciate Cat/Toast dilemma. Also "Person" forgot "e" in slide. If Jack Nicolson came 2 your door and asked 4 some butter, would u give it 2 him?? -anonymous visitor- Jack live on other side of town. If you're overweight, and you visit a game farm, is it considered "heavy petting"? -anonymous visitor- No desire to insult "fat animal" friends. On Gilligan's island they were rescued five or six times. Would the Skipper & crew not remember the way home? (I don't think they were blindfolded.) Also, what are the odds of landing on the same island repeatedly without even trying? Is this a lame clasic TV plot? And does this disprove my life long theory that TV is a true reflection of real life? -Mary Ann- Felt visitor might not be actual lovable "Mary Ann" from wacky 70's sitcom. Whose brilliant idea was it to create a program inserting frames in webpages, and how much would it cost for them to remove the frames except a few customers that don't know good from lousy anyhow! -An unframed surfer- Apparent that "unframed surfer" not in "Loony" question submission mood. Why was my last question rejected? Is it because you didn't have a clue? Is it because you have a superiorority complex and didn't want to accept a question better than any you could come up with? Well, what was it? -just checking- "just checking" have same problem as "unframed surfer" (see above question) If you swallow a coin and it gets stuck on it's way out, what should I do? I don't want to see a doctor, cause he'd keep it and docs get paid well enough as it is. HELP! -Mr. Big- Sympathized with Mr. Big. Ate "bag-o-coins." Still waiting to see if there's any change. (This answer is part of May's "Spot the Pun" contest) Hey, Spanky, what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs pushing a wheelbarrow...uh, no, wait a second....No, it's gone, I'll get back to you. -A small defenseless child in Tripoli- Not sure of answer. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who forgets punchline? If you were a fish, what kind of house would you be? -anonymous visitor- Fish not house. Fish fish. What is the significance of the number 42? -anonymous visitor- Standard yardage of dental floss. how old are you -anonymous visitor- See above question. If you had to eat a rock, but you could choose what kind of rock it would be, what would you pick? Some kind of sedimentary thing, or would you go for quality granite. -The Reverend Jough Approximately http://www.geocities.com/Paris/LeftBank/4202/- Although rock candy or rock salt good stock answers, felt "Reverend" was perhaps stoned. (This answer is the second clue in May's "Spot the Pun" contest) I'm worried about asteroids. When doctors remove them, do they have to be sent into outer space? -anonymous visitor- Saving question. Big June "Butt Extravaganza" now only one month away. how many times does a cannon ball fly before it is ever banned? the answer (my friends) is: a) plenty b) never c) cannon balls never fly d) don't know -anonymous visitor- Just didn't get it. Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? -anonymous visitor- Planning big expedition in July to find answer. Hoping to also answer mysterious ice cube/refrigerator poser at same time. Why do Doctors and other healthcare proffesionals insist on asking you to'just pop up' onto the examination table -anonymous visitor- Visitor forgot question mark. Also visitor jammed "to" and "just" together forming strange new word not found in nature. If I summon my members to shed their Earthly containers in the middle of the street, and one just so happens to get his pants torn as he passes onto the mothership, does this count as indecent exposure? - Ti P.S. IEETSHEET- Recent alien abduction force Sparky buy big heavy car. Disconnect now? Stay connected? -anonymous visitor- So sick of question almost barfed. What does it mean when you dream about penguins? -anonymous visitor- Old Indian friend dream interpreter unavailable due to new job at Wisconsin Dells. Why does Regis Philbin smell the odorless tube of Aspercream in that T.V. commercial? -anonymous visitor- Think question might actually have been sent in by Regis himself in vain attempt to prop up fledgling infomercial career. Why do airline attendants insist that you buckle your saftey belt, then inspect passengers to make sure that they have complied and then with great wisdom demonstrate how to do it? -tkickflip- Tkickflip didn't seem to grasp the whole "question make sense" concept. If your armpit connects your arm to your body, what does your cockpit do? -anonymous visitor- Word "cock#@it" now banned by overzealous Communications Decency Act. Hey, SParky, do you get lots of women because you have a-peel? get it??? a-PEEL! it's a joke...HA! -anonymous visitor- Visitor not laugh hard enough at own joke. If 50% of car accidents happen within 5 miles of your home what would you do? get insurance move 8 miles away plead the 5th -anonymous visitor- Rejected, now busy drawing "Big Circle" around neighborhood. Sparky, When I was a child my mother told me that smoking and drinking would stunt my growth. Even though I fell victim to both, I still grew to over 6' tall. Is it possible that I ruined a promising NBA career, by not minding Mother? -anonymous visitor- Smoked cigarette, had drink, shot hoops, rejected question. Sparky, Is it true that Cecil Adams of 'The Straight Dope' comes here for answers, when he gets stumped? -anonymous visitor- Searched web for Cecil Adams, got stuck at ParadiseXXX website for many hours again. If the 'little black box' they use on planes to contain the flight recorder is so indestructable , then why the hell dont they make the whole plane out of that stuff? -HUH?- Did question in November. Archive so big now, can't find anything except Cat/Toast questions. Sparky, Do you eat onion based foods, if so would you be considered a cannibal/veggibal? -hungry little rat in a cage...- Got scared. Hid in breadbox. If you find out that there are a face on mars what would you do? ....Hmmm there is a face on mars... What build it? Humans build it.. Aliens build it... The Boogieman... I´m stunned so i cant answer the question.. -anonymous visitor- Visitor obviously of foreign descent, although this usually has little bearing on whether or not a question is used. Felt question was also a little stupid. Hey...sparkums, If my exhaust pipe ehausts, my steering wheel steers, and my windshield wipers wipe... what do my pistons do??? -anonymous visitor- Rejected due to way-to-obvious answer. Pistons go up and down.

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