wwwVOice Humor Zine Thing|
Welcome to a really old page of rejected questions.
Please enjoy them, they're crappy!
Why is a knee more news than the collapse of an entire country in the Balkans?
The collapse of what?
I'm very concerned about the music my daughter listens to. One song in particular is about an old man doing "knick knack patty whack" on her knee, giving "the dog a bone", and then "rolling home". Am I overreacting?
Believe visitor taking silly kids songs way to seriously, was going to spin a few old records but tape and pennies seem to be welded on.
Did you know that if you layed your intestine's out in a straight line, they would go around the world 3 times, and you would be dead at the end of the line!
-Dr.Mal P.Atrice PHD,md,ob,gyn,and stuff.-
Believe visitor may not be real doctor, called local college, they said "and stuff" degree not available since 1873.
If a Dell Pentium crashes in Chicago... I mean in a forest, what sort of noise does the user make?
Believe LMS to be Apple user, didn't have "Fruitputer" bashing question handy to balance page.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Did smurf/choke question in July, wish no harm to our little cartoon friends.
Since its St Patrick's Day have you heard of the fanous Irish expression of great delight "Whale oil beef hooked"?
Holiday over, not sure what "fanous" means in english.
Why do hot dogs come in packages of ten, while hot dog buns come in packages of eight?
Had major weekend weeie roast accident involving weenie fork, garden hose, and a nun, avoiding unpleasant reminder.
Q: do you know why most polish names end with ski?
A: Toboggan is too hard to spell.
I am proud to be a Pollock Polak Polelock Polock aw shucks, a Polish person.
Really old joke might cause webpage to dry up and crumble into million pieces.
Do you think Bill Clinton was really drunk when he fell and hurt his knee?
Showcasing falling-down-drunk president questions bad for US image. Citizens seem pretty sober about the country, feel politicians should follow suit.
Did you collect Wacky Packages as a kid?
Still buying collection, don't wish to accidentally send prices soaring due to extra exposure.
Do you cry when you get a papercut?
Feared "Papercut" question might be veiled threat.
What makes Teflon stick to the pan? Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? If a tree fell on me while I was typdlksjfalk;fjks
Too many questions, moving all foliage to other side of room tomorrow.
Is it ok if I use sandwich bread for toast? Or is this not following the package directions?
Got confused, made sandwich.
If I told you that I was fingering the area around my G string, you would know that I was playing my guitar, right?
Sexually bizarre, musically bizarre.
What if we could surf the internet with our microwaves?
Didn't want to have to choose between popcorn popping and web surfing time.
Does Spider-man have a webpage?
Know for fact only DC characters have decent websites.
If there was no TV whar would people do?
Couldn't find "whar" in dictionary.
How many chunks does a blowfish blow?
Had "deadly blowfish dinner" Friday, still slightly shaken up.
Have you ever smelled moth balls? And if you did How'd you get the little legs open!
Never imagined for a fleeting minute that "moth ball joke" would haunt me later in life.
Why is it that it takes Two minutes to have sex, yet it takes two hours to give a blowjob?
NASDAQ rating probably totally blow now.
how come abbreviation is such a long word?
Think question may have already been used, couldn't navigate own stupid archive to check.
If a cat always lands on its feet, and bread always lands buttered-side down, what happens when you tie a piece of buttered bread on a cat's back and throw it off the counter???
A. It doesn't matter, I hate cats.
B. Why waste bread and butter.
C. Shoot the cat...eat the bread!
D. What's a cat?
E. Give the cat a bowl of antifreeze and none of it matters.
F. Throw it off a cliff and forget about it!
Believe using third "Cat Question" may cause website to spiral badly out of control.
Do you ever get asked the same question twice?
See question below.
You aren't really gonna use that synonymous visitor question, are you?
See question above.
If a cat has nine lives, how many does a person have?
Avoiding any further cat questions till whole cat/toast thing cools off.
if a man and a woman from arkansas get married and move to minnesota and get a divorce, can they still be considered brother and sister?
Think Clem may be breaking many laws, no desire to get "winged" in ugly shoot out.
You should get a chat room.
Can't get chatroom, everybody would realize I don't speak English.
Who are you? And if yes... how much?
Don't want wwwVOice to become some sort of "Gigolo for rent" site.
I would like to know who came up with the idea to name the Paradise web theater, the Paradise web theater and why? I would like that person to contact me since I'm doing a report on the Paradise Theater.
-Susan Please reply soon-
Believe Susan may be asking real question. Could be bad direction for website to go.
Does the acid I took make me think that the ants crawling across the top of my computer have a purpose in life, or did I take antacid? Now I must go weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Felt visitors shouldn't be encouraged to go wheee.
Is it true that in order to avoid a computer virus you should put a condom on your modem?
Still looking for BIG prophylactic.
Is it true that US Government put blueberry juice in the secret ink for printing paper currency?
Avoided question, don't need government agents poking around new berry farm in backyard.
What is the worst web site in all?
Fear possible massive Pepsi lawsuit.
I just loooooooooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeee onions! Come on, take that shell off!! Want to see me strip??
-Sex-crazed, Onion loving woman-
Did big web search for "Sex-crazed, Onion loving woman." Still sorting sites.
If you were on a deserted island with only one other person, who would it be?
Henry the Eigth
Feel "Mass murderer" and/or "Theatergoer" questions to controversial.
Do you remember your first love? I do becuase I kept the receipt.
Johnny Carson...briefs or boxers Bill Murray...briefs or boxers Fabio...briefs, boxers or none of the above
Saw horrible vision of website becoming "underwearofthestars.com"
Hey, Sparky...do you know anything about the pyramids of Giza?
Couldn't think of funny retort. Felt only recourse was to poke fun at wacky visitor name.
What do You mean, if You say "Webpage"?
1. New telephone bills
2. Night with girlfriend (boybriend)
3. Another stupid stuff
5. Wasted time
6. Very, VERY useful information
7. Porno sites
8. Is it something in computer?
Couldn't decipher answer number nine.
Why would the husband kill his wife ?
1) To get the remote for him self
2) To get the insurance money
3) To Run away with his mistress
4) cause he is mental *
5) cause he was provocated by her gabbing about the garbage
6) cause he hated her
Saw a possible future with cross-examination going badly due to loony motive.
Why do we drive on park ways and park in driveways?
Still holds record as "most asked/least funny" question.
Have you ever heard a cow say, "Well done"?
Have no desire to insult many bovine friends.
Why did you envent this stupid page? Is it just to piss us off
Yes, that was my big plan all along. (hehehe)
By the way, why don't any of these navigator buttons work when I push them? Is my monitor broken?
Have same exact problem.
If I can't think of a question, do I have to ask one?
Think Tresa may have spelled name wrong.
Why do lawnmowers get fluffy with tomatoes?
Got confused, made sandwich.