Ramen Noodle Soup Cure Page This page doesn't actually feature cures for a bowl of Ramen Soup, but rather some of the suggestions our visitors have sent in to cure Spanky's Ramen Noodle disease, which had forced us to have her cryogenically frozen last week. ...Uh...I don't mean the suggestions forced us to have her frozen but rather the disease did...) Desecrate Spanky's body in a pagan sexual orgy. That'll wake her up for sure. -Captain Pyro- She Needs a Noodle Transplant! and i will do it for her! what? medical training? um... not exactly... it's not like it's brain surgery... oh wait... maybe it is.... then in that case... YES! i...um... DO.... have a license... go see it at Allan Neenoh's License -Allan Neenoh- Here is zee cure for Spany's dylema.Try some more Ramen Noodles. Why, you ask? Simple! When a person get's ze amesia from drinking to much alchol, and runs into ze wall, which bumps their head, all you must do is repeat this, buy picking them up and running into the wall. They well evantualy thank you for this, usally after they win the $2 million cash settlement. My theory is that you apply the same priceples to Spanky's predictament. Or just use a stomach pump. How the hell shoul I know! I am not an expert on ze onions! And why the hell should I care!? I will invent a divice which allows my to kill you without crying over your poisonis fumes, you onions of Satan! Well, than I could not visit your page, and it is ze only life I get. Oh ze well. No hard feelings! -Dr. Vanessa- If I put carrots,'taters, and stew beaf in Spanky's cryofreeze, can we cook 'er up and have a big 'ole vat a Spanky stew? ***Kentucky Fried Rattail*** Spanky should sit in a tub of miracle grow and just soak!!! Purge the Ramen Juice. That's how i make my little beaners....uh....tomato seeds grow. just soak, spanky you'll be fine. On a totally unrealated matter, can onionheads come back as vampires? would they suck the living dirt right out of you, turning you into some horribe vegetable?? and how come all of my questions are always rejected. you know, i am a valuable person. I have friends. i really do. oh, and how come you didn't use my picture of spanky's memorial. i was really dissappointed. i'm gonna go now. -Julie- I know a cure for Spanky, this always works with my brother. First, rub a mixture of salt and vinegar in her eyes to simulate the effects of waking up after an hour of sleep. Next, duct-tape her mouth to a hair dryer and turn it on "hurricane" ("tornado" if its a Clairol). While the hair dryer is running, stick a vacuum cleaner hose up her patootie and turn it(the vacuum cleaner) on (make sure to set the vacuum on "shag carpet"). This simulates the effects of breathing. Finally, you want to crack her chest open with a dull #2 pencil and a sledgehammer (20 lbs. is preferable), then go find a homeless person and pay them 50¢ an hour to pound on her heart (if the homeless person won't work for so cheap, wait until mating season and paint a picture of a poodle on her heart. I'm sure Barky will have no problems knowing what to do.) Hope this helps! -Mr. Fizzles- After searching through ancient Chinese texts on Ramen Noodles and antidotes, I think I have finally come to a conclusion. The text specifically reads: "You must be putting 15 small flavor packets into a large wok and rub the affected onion with the flavoring. NO BUILLON!" Yeah, this is actually how it sounds, which is odd, since the Chinese didn't speak English in 42 BC. But oh well. Trust me, it'll work. ~Mr. Miagi- Chicken noodle soup. -anonymous- You should be more specific about the type of Ramen Noodle that spanky came in contact with that caused this calamity. however let the good doctor help you with this delimna. First, there are many individual Ramen Noodles to consider here. For example, Ramen Noodle I. This is known as Uno's strain, of which is the first symptomatic type of Ramen noodle known to us in the medical profession or otherwise known as webenumbaone in the greek language. Next is Ramen Noodle II. Also known in Latin as the Avisrentacaris strain, or webenumbatwoindacarrentalbizness in swahilli. Then there is Ramen Noodle III, or as it is called in arabic by this short name as we know it, dafaddaanddasunannaholygoss. Ramen Noodle VI is otherwise known in jamaca as mondonmesswimmamammajamma, and is rarely ever fatal unless you get caught. Ramen Noodle V is the deadliest strain of all and is known in the netherlands as FIIIIIIGOLDENRINGS. note the use of all capitol letters to signify the severity of the strain. Nest is Raman Noodle VI of which is no big deal, all it does is make your thingie turn blue. Raman Noodle VII on the other hand makes everything else but your thingie turn blue. Then we come to Ramen Noodle IX otherwise known as ugottabekiddin in German. Last but not least is Ramen Noodle X. this is the dreaded italian disease echhsamarkadaspotta. and that brings us back to doe. Now for the cure! You muyst instantly put Spanky in a medically certified "Presto, Fry Daddy" and deep fry for 20 minutes, oh not to forget to first roll the onion in flower before deep frying. this will heal your onion of all of those regrettable Ramen Noodle strains once and for all. Your onion will be healed and my job will be complete. Now if I can get you to send me your address so that I can send you my bill, it would be most appreciated. I also accept Visa and Mastercard. -Signed.The great Dr. "Barnaby Wild" Strikes again.- I have a suggestion for curing Spanky of her deadness. In a 2 quart jar, mix 2 cups Old Grand Dad, 1/2 box of lime Jell-O, a generous helping of Jim Beam (a fifth will do), 1 tsp Meow Mix (softened), a jar of Smuckers Grape jelly, and fill to the top with tabasco sauce (any brand). Make her drink it. This'll cure everything that ails her. However, afterwards, Spanky may wish she were still dead. -simian- Oh, I'm supposed to put a cure for Ramen Noodle Illness here? Oops... that was a question. Can I still put the cure here? Ack, that was two. Nevermind. Cure: Ramen noodles are eaten daily by college students. Enroll Spanky in college and make her live in the dorms. She'll come to *love* ramens. Problem solved. -Sky (sky@pobox.com)- Oh and by the way, about that Ramen Noodle disease, just stick yourself in the microwave on high for about 5 minutes and then hangout inside the fridge overnight...it should help...at least it helped me! ~jester~ I have the Ramen Noodle disease cure. She has to be bitten by a vampire to live forever! -Tatum!- A cure for spanky - red hot chillis washed down by a cold beer. -anonymous- Spanky, try just eating the flavoring packet from the Ramen Noodles. It might just help, if you don't die from a sodium overdose. -SpunkyMunky- Dear Spanky, I have a really great idea for bringing you back to your normal onion life. Whenever me and my friends are practically dying of boredom, we go to a local restaurant, order big glasses of water, and pour about 50 sugar packets into the glass. Believe me, if 50 is enough to make us bounce off walls, about 200 should cure your funky diease! ~Hojo~ I've used my aunt Brewhaha's cure for death for years now, so it may work for Spanky. It was Spanky who died, right? Anyways, you must take the corpse of the deceased to your local McDonald's and tell your server that you found it in your burger. The server will, in return, give you your money back and give you a free burger. Damn! This isn't my cure for death! This is my method for scamming McDonald's employees. Cure for death... lemme see. I remember now! Aunt Brewhaha has always said that a teaspoon of tabasco sauce mixed with pig's blood will do the trick. Wait! That's not it; that's tonight's dinner! Cure for death... (I know I have it somewhere) Yeah! The frying pan method! Take a frying pan and hit it on your head 28.6 times and sing "I'm a little teapot" in the key of G major. Take the dead body, hang it on your clothesline overnight, and meanwhile chant hymns at your local monastery. When you come home after dawn, the body should be (a) still dead, (b) puce-colored and growing hairs in odd areas, (c) joy-riding in your new car, or (d) alive and waiting for you to get him/her off the clothesline. Hey, it worked for me! -anonymous- To cure Spanky's Ramen Noodle disease, please stuff spanky with marshmallows, chocolate bars and graham crackers! S'mores fix everything! -With much love and hope, The chick that is too lazy to keep stalking you- Hey you guys. I got an idea on how you can cure Spanky!! Buy a gallon of that weird pre-made imitation chocolate flavored milk-like subtance, put it in a huge pot, then add in 20 caffeine pills, 1 cup of sugar, a pint of starbucks black coffee (hot), fiberglass insulation (for texture and to keep the coffee hot), a bottle of JOLT, a bit of LSD (for flavor, and that extra push), and another gallon of chicken fat (also known as KFC). Then feed it to spakny (ALL of it) and she should be back on her feet (though I don't think she has any) in NO time!! She'll be jumping around like an anorexic, kangaroo bred, monkey on crack before you can say cldkjhyupoihurbdnbskbfks mncxjdhfdhfeu (Only pronounceable in 3 countries)! I swear! -Malissa- You know, I've heard that the only way to get around ramen is to stick your head in a toilet and flush repeatedly to purge the salty broth. -anonymous- I have a cure tell her to get up and then find out what sparkys allergic to and give him some of that. ~benda brown~ Sparky, Have you tried playing Frank Sinatra records really loud around Spanky. That's usually enough to wake the dead. . .or at least make them turn over in their graves. -Jason- I would like to suggest, as a possible solution to the Spanky death problem, that the Ramen Noodles be re-dehydrated and could thereby be removed from the premises. Perhaps then the severe reaction she is having will be reversed. (The question is - Will you try this?) -The Big Sister- Cure for Ramen Noodle disease: The problem is "really" that the squishiness of Ramen is designed for South Pacific beach dining. So the solution is "really" the opposite: come join us here in Minnesota, where the prairie snows and northern blasts will gel the soup, and then Spanky's fingers, and then the rest of Spanky. Voila! no problems! -anonymous- Maybe instead of trying to undo what has been done you should just accept the way things are now. Instead of trying to revive Spanky, be happy she's in her new state--take advantage of the situation--a little necrophelia never hurt anyone. -Farmer Ned- Also, try a high colonic on Spanky. May not cure her, but it'll definitely take her mind off her current problems. -De Ole Sarge- how about: Big mac vienna sausages Hot dogs tofu anything that says "low fat" or "Diet" Roadkill possum Roadkilled possum Possibly still alive roadkilled possum definitly still alive roadstunned possum possum with road rage possum with an ak47 sorry! I forgot what I was making a list of. why don't you make this box bigger so I can see what the hell I'm doing here. -Cousin Ernie- anything from taco bell anything from wendy's wendy(Cousin Billy told me) The Spice girls any thing with zuccinni in it salmon patties school cafeteria food hospital food raccoons on a lazy boy raccoons on a BBQ grill Raccoons on a bed of Ramen Noodles Raccoons on a bed of Ramen noodles with an AK47 Rabid Raccoons Rabid Raccoons with PMS DAMM I did it again! -Cussin Ernie- FirSt Cover yOur WanKy, TheN AlivE wIll be SpAnkY! -anonymous- When I was at San Quentin, I found that the best cure for the Ramen Noodle Disease is to fix it up. You cook the noodles, then drain the water. Then you add chili beans, mayonaise, mustard, hot peppers, meat (shrimp /turkey ham /hamburger /tuna /sardines /herring /etc), hot sauce, and the contents of the packets the noodles come with. You put it somewhere flat and you eat it with potato chips or crackers. Delicious, filling, and you'll never feel the same about Ramen Noodles. -CONvict- The cure for ramen disease is immersion therapy! Hahaha! Stick Spanky in a vat of shrimp-flavored chewy noodles! HAHAHAHAHAHA! -anonymous- Give sparky lasana. -anonymous- Two tablespoons of liver and onions should cure Ramen Noodle disease. -anonymous- Ramen Noodle disease can be cured with equal amounts of frozed burritos and nacho's with chili. Don't laugh. This has been proven many times at UCF. If it fails, Try frozed tostatoswith sour cream. -anonymous- I have a cure, I have a cure! (*Jumping up and doon*) It's haggis! Haggis clears up any ramen-related problems. If you don't believe me, I have statistics. -anonymous- The only known antidote to Ramen Noodle Soup is cheap Greek food and ouzo. Seems it counter acts the pseudo health-giving qualities of the ramen noodle soup with real-world grease and other over-indulgent nutrients that your body needs to survive. -anonymous- Two tablespoons of liver and onions should cure Ramen Noodle disease. -anonymous- Dear Spunky: There's a miracle cure-in-a-can: Raid. Try it. Tastes good too. -anonymous- I like ramen soup, but if you just eat lots of buttered toast, it should get a bit better. -anonymous- Stick a couple of worms in the bowl and see if he notices the difference. If he doesn't then the problem is bigger than anyone thought and can't be solved. -anonymous-