Visitor Question of the Week Archive #64
Not "too new" articles for you and your whole family to enjoy!

Welcome to Googly-Eyed Day!

Hey! my face. Dear Abby,
I had a dream last night that my girl friend left me for another man. Should I confront her with my suspicions or.... ooops never mind you're not Dear Abby are you? Shame on you for deceiving people this way. Some of us really need help and here you are making fun of our very painful problems, you should be ashamed, you should be more sensitive to our needs. So, what do you intend to do about this? Huh?
-Please do not use my real name. Suspicious in Seattle-
Dear Suspicious, Under normal circumstances, we'd give you some helpful suggestions, perhaps point you to some institutions in your area to seek professional help. Unfortunately, it seems that your question has ended up here during this years Googly-Eyed Day" festivities so all I can say is.... Tonight, put on some googly-eyed glasses and dream about shooting the both of them.

Hey! my face. My little cousin has made me promise to take her to see Spice World next week (the brutal irony of it). I was just wondering, do you have any advice on how I could possibly de-contaminate myself of spice after the movie? I'm not really sure if I can make it through without collapsing for fright, so I thought I'd ask an expert.
- Georgia -
I think that perhaps instead of "de-spicing" yourself you may want to find some way to get yourself kicked out of the theater before the movie starts. When the first preview starts, get up, put your hand on your heart and start singing the National Anthem, call anyone who doesn't "join in" a commie bastard. Or, why not collect all the bubble gum under the seats and build a 1/64 scale model of the Empire State Building? Keep opening your purse and saying things like: Got enough air in there? If all else fails, it's the Spice Girls, set yourself on fire.

Would a 3-way light bulb be considered promiscuous?
Only if they're all turned on at the same time.

Heiy Sparnkieei doy ou gise evir keruckt spilleng in quistshuns? Do you ever take out certain parts? SparkySucks SparkySucks SparkySucks SparkySucks SparkySucks SparkySucks SparkySucks SparkySucks These questions are very important to me, and I would appreciate it if you would answer. Yes, I would. Yep. I really would. SparkySucks SparkySucks SparkySucks
-Gidbuoy, The aninoymis visiter-
The deal is, we usually correct the spelling on the weekly page, unless it's an integral part of the question, then we leave it alone. The questions on the rejected page we leave totally alone, except we do put the word "censored" over the center letters on all profanities. And by the way, you spelled "Rocks" wrong.

Why does Spanky always have her tongue sticking out?
Bad flagpole accident.

Why is it that when I go to a place with Kariokee, instead of doing the sensible thing and fleeing out the nearest exit, I feel this unnatural desire to stay (and probably for the same reason people slow down as they go by car accidents.) listen to the digital beat box backed caterwaul? I'm scared S&S...scared.
And well you should be Ogre. Hey, hey... did you wanna hear us?
-Sparky sings- -Spanky sings-

Are there any job openings at you place of business?
Why yes indeedy-doo. We are currently in need of a Superglue engineer to unstick Sparky from the office chair, mouse, keyboard, and 23 pencils. There's also an apprenticeship opportunity in refilling the cans of air, as well as a security guard for the coffee machine. (The last one was embezzling all the Sweet n' Low©)

Spanky and Sparky, My roommate and I are having another fight, and since you were able to settle the last one, we decided to let you make the decision. But I will have to get back with the question to you as soon as I figured out what it is we are fighting about. Do you know what we are fighting about? Because I do not think my roommate does.
-anonymous visitor-
Probably fighting about who has the best memory.

What is the coolest fish?
The Googly-Eyed Sparkacuda.

If a kangaroo climbed into its own pouch would it cease to exist? Or would it just be all wet and slimy on the outside? and if you ate one would you have to put it in a pita to have it be a pocket bread sandwich?
-Cousin Ernie-
As near as I know, the only reason they ever jump into their own pouch is to look for some loose change.

If cats always land on their feet what happens if you glue two cats feet together and dropped it from a six story building?
-anonymous visitor-
Holy cow, we haven't had a good "drop the cat" question in almost six months. What a catastrophe! The most pawsable answer is that they'd probably land on a catwalk, and just be considered litter.

How does one make a scrunchie?
- Fred The Stick Figure-
I think it's where you get behind somebody and pull their underwear all the way up over their head.

Let's say you have this... friend... and that friend has 12 bodies of local dignitaries in his toolshed, and even though he "field dressed" the carcasses, there's still an odd smell emanating from the vicinity of the shed. What's the best way to cover up the smell of 12 rotting corpses, and as a corollary, can you think of anything that could be done with the entrails, like soup or something?
-The Reverend Jough Approximately-
Although "12 rotting dead corpses entrails soup" sounds delicious, as well as nutritious, I think you should concentrate on dispelling the smell. Maybe a cement mixer full of potpourri, or you could drive to northern Texas to "Dinosaur Dan's" and see about borrowing the worlds largest "Stick-up©." Probably the best thing though... Spin Fresh© on a lathe.

Can I have a picture of Spanky in a tutu beside this question, please ?

If homosexuality is wrong, how come you always hear men complain about how women are always nagging them, and women always whine about how men never do anything, and the only people who are happy as hell are gay?
-Captain Pyro-
I think you answered your own question here. They're "gay."

Just wonderin', where did Cherries get her name? Does she have, uh, more than one, uh, um, you know?
-Perverted Pete-
It was my life long ambition to be one of the Fruit of the Loom guys. After a series of disastrous rejections, I assumed the secret identity of Cherries and now spend my time sitting quietly in a shot glass of ordinary maraschino cherries at the local bar. When a patron wearing FOTL Briefs wanders in, I use my Super Cherry Powers to give him a wedgie when he isn't looking.

If your name was Disco Pete, how would dress?
-Mad Anthony Wayne-

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