#61 Hi, welcome to the archive, please enjoy all our old crap!!
Most Embarrassing Moments
1. Breaking wind at the Tasty-Freeze.
2. Sent Christopher Reeves a pogo stick for Christmas.
3. Nearly winged a car while driving in Europe through a tunnel.
4. Dropping a bar of soap at the "Manly Man" health club.
5. Got caught by Secret Service agents while blowing some marijuana smoke in Bill's dog's face. Although it turned out to be okay, he didn't actually inhale.
6. Breaking wind at the Burger King.
7. Super glued all my fingers to all the pieces of Spanky's Ming vase.
8. Lobbing that Lawn Jart into my bosses head at the company picnic.
9. Paid ten bucks for an AOL disk.
10. Breaking wind in the Adult Bookstore.
Spanky's most embarrassing moments from 1997:
1. Breaking my toe folding the laundry.
2. Feeding the ducks my homemade biscuits that Sparky would not eat and then having to do the Heimlich maneuver on three of them.
3. Getting my hair caught in the fax machine.
4. Accidentally dyeing the cat blonde with bleach... thought it would kill the fleas.
5. Playing "Balance the Quarter on Your Nose" Game this last Fourth of July proved to be a costly mistake. Sneezed... swallowed the Quarter.... exploratory surgery.... removal of the coin... lots of questions to answer for the insurance company.
6. Thinking you got to keep the really spiffy looking green blue and red shoes from the bowling alley.
7. Applying wrinkle cream everyday hoping it would give me some so they would stop carding me.
8. Helping my neighbor clean up after a party by emptying the big ash tray on her mantle... how was I to know it was her Dad?
9. Getting those self sticking stamps stuck all over my tongue.
10. Trying to start "the wave" at church on Easter Sunday.
Our Visitors Most Embarrassing Moments:
I got my nose stuck in the toaster, trying to dig out an English muffin. Then, to make matters worse, I poured cold water in it hoping my nose would contract enough for me to pull it out.
The Reverend Jough Approximately, kicking it old school since 1996:
I was embarrassed to learn that on the hollow , scarred corpse of one of my slain enemies, there was a gold ring that I had forgotten to remove as a trophy. I watched the police report, where they said something like "and the assailant forgot to take an antique gold ring, valued at several thousand dollars" and *boy* did my face turn red.
I was doing my husband a favor by mowing the lawn with the riding mower and I thought I would mow this one spot at the corner of the pool house above our ditch that does not seem to get mowed often. Well turns out there was a reason for the long grass in that particular spot. Just by mowing over that spot the mower went flying downward. I jammed on the brakes, threw it into reverse but my husbands wonderful riding mower slid right into the muggy, swampy ditch. I got the best "Lucy" look on my face and asked him to help me get his trusty stead out of the muck. Of course he laughed and somehow I ended up getting it out anyway.
I overflowed the toilet at work.....
My brother's wife is named "Cookie."
I got caught with my hand in her -- ahem -- jar.
Hmmm... the most embarrassing thing... well, there was that time when... naah, I can't repeat it. Hee hee.. poor Bob'll never look at pork rinds the same way again... heh..
I was at the golf course near my cabin in Alberta, and I brought my friend Caitlin with me and introduced her to some of my friends who were up there, and my friend Kim didn't like Caitlin very much, so when Caitlin stood up on a table on the patio at the club house, Kim came up to her and ripped her pants down. Undies and all!! Everyone who was outside saw and I thought it was pretty funny too.
1st Lieutenant Pyro:
I got drunk and dropped my pants at the General's son's Bar Mitzvah.
Roommate caught me using her toothbrush to clean toilet.
Tie in to last weeks "Visitors New Years Resolutions. (number 2)"
I made this really kewl looking form, that scrolled "Special Holiday Edition" and after hours of pouting about how nobody was using it, I realized that I had screwed up the code, and the damn thing wasn't working!
Misplacing my butt was sort of embarrassing. Especially when my mom went to look for it. Wearing the fake Jello butt was kinda cool, though.
The big sister:
Anything I possibly could have done which was embarrassing has been completely and truly erased from my mind. Besides since I don't drink anymore it is rather rare for embarrassing things to happen to me. (Happy New Year)
Embarrassing moment of 1997? Well.... Embarrassment is, finding out you drank all your friendís vintage scotch and ordered 200 copies of Richard Simmon's Sweating to the Oldies. Geeze that manís a freak...
At my friend's web page, The Burning Monkey, there's a big "About Me" section with a bunch of info about his hobbies and such. In the middle of this paragraph he says one of his hobbies is recieving hate mail and "hate mail" is a mail-to link. However, it is a mail-to link to email@example.com. Some overzealous user failed to notice this and sent some strange, hate mail like letter to the white house, and was promptly responded to with a letter from the FBI explaining that she may be monitored over the next 3 years for this suspicious activity :-). I wouldn't have believed it, but this person forwarded both her original letter and the FBI one back to my friend. Granted it kind of sucked, but I thought It was damn amusing..
The Spam Girl:
Okay, see me and my friend were listenin' to that Hanson CD thingy or whatever at my first big party I threw. And when we weren't looking, someone from the Meatball Society came in and spiked the Spam!!! People starting getting so drunk, they praised Bill Gates and Microsoft. Well, anyhow, then the sound system like BLEW up, and suddenly, the ENTIRE neighborhood heard MMMBop, blasting. The police came and arrested me for indecent exposure or something. Damn those bastards. Now the entire neighborhood thinks I have a fetish for Zac Hanson. ~MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!~
I was caught drawing pictures of onions at work.
Well, First of all, I'm male, with long hair.
Now that we've got that established, in our Christmas party, they were giving away prizes in a raffle. They were offering vacations to Vegas, a weekend cruise, trips to Palm Springs, and the like.
Well, I won! I won a haircut!!!
Needless to say, the whole room was rolling. :)
The most embarrassing thing that happened to me was um..... when I tripped down the stairs in my school. Right in front of the whole 8th grade.
Oh, my most embarrassing moment? I guess it was the silly suit. ya know, the SILLY SUIT? Everyone's got one!
Go to barishnikov. He die. I cry. Mom punch me. Not loved. Try heroin. Lotsa luck. The bubble tell me. Hold on to rope. Must get to medicine....
The Manly Man:
I drove over to my local hardware/home improvement store ... and IT WAS CLOSED. I was very pissed to say the least.
Discovering that I wasn't Jesus, like I've been telling people all these years.
When I was in D.C., I was taking the metro to the Arlington Cemetery. The metro goes really, really fast, and it stops very suddenly. So suddenly, that if you're standing, and you aren't hanging on to the poll, you'll fall. Well, I wasn't, so knocked down everybody else that was standing. Twice. Oh, well, at least I went to the same McDonalds as Mr. Clinton jogs to everyday.
VaNeSa...No, No.. GeOrGe!:
Ummm, LiKe, I knOw ThaT thIs sPot is foR Umm, AlL tHaT eMbaRrasSing ThiNgS, But, Like,WhEre am I? I wAs LoOkInG FoR ThE OnIon HeaD PeOplE FaN CLub! By, ThE Way, If You CuT Up YouR OniOn,NaMeD SpOt( of CoUrSe), WiLl He Sue mE FoR AttemPtEd MuRDeR LaTer? BeTter,YeT, NeVeR MiNd! (He,hE,SpOt'Ll NeVeR Find Me Now!)
The most embarrassing thing that happened to me was, I was having a party before I moved, and my friend came drunk, and my old boyfriend told him that my friend Dan was a virgin lips. My drunk friend couldn't stop laughing and he puked all over my deck. It actually wasn't embarrassing for me, but it sure was for him!! He ended up washing it off with Pepsi and smelling like barf until him and my friend fooled around. Then he smelled like something else, but we won't go there.
My new problema with intestinal gases.
The Reverend Jough Approximately, from his secret command post:
A friend of mine was teaching a few high school girls on a field trip to New York about anatomy in his apartment, and I came around at the same time with some nuns I made the acquaintance of in Central Park, right in the middle of my buddy's rape and mutilation ritual. Now that wouldn't be embarrassing, except that the nuns with me were all screaming, kevetching, and generally kicking my bud out of his buzz, and disturbing what to him is a very personal experience that he prefers to enjoy with a bit of solitude. I hope the sisters realized why we had to slaughter them in such a brutal and savage manner. Sure, we laugh about it now, but at the time, I was terribly embarrassed.
I actually thought I could get the crappy Muzak off the PA system.... Silly me.....
Mmm. The most embarrassing thing, besides actually answering this question. Perhaps the time that I was with this special lady, found out that I had some extra yogurt and chocolate sauce, turned the lights down low and....hmm nevermind, ya probably ain't that interested anymore, and I do not want to have to mention the centipede to anyone either.
Someone opened the door on my friend Rachel while she was making out with a guy...well..a little more than making out.
My boyfriend walked in on my friend while he was licking my ..... uh, nevermind.
I was too give a speech in front of an audience of 150 people and, when I got on stage, I realized I had the wrong notes. Scary, huh?!
Got caught on the wwwvoice web site.
Stepped in a pile of dog sCENSOREDt before getting on the school bus.
I got caught going to this page when I was at school.
Nothing embarrassing ever happens to me.
The Used Humor Archive!