Do we hafta answer all da poll questions in order to have our question sent and ignored by you two?
-anonymous visitor-
Spanky: "Sparky, did you hear something?"
Sparky: "No, not me."
Spanky: "But I thought I heard something, I'm sure."
Sparky: "It's nothing Spanky, just ignore it."

Um, okay. Maybe it was the six Canadian Club and tonics I had before dinner, but I don't remember asking you guys about your favorite Xmas. Am I getting a little daffy here?
- simian (at least we think it's simian) -
Sparky: "Hey Spanky, do you remember miss-marking a question last week from Simian?"
Spanky: "Maybe, hey how do we know this is the real Simian now?"
Sparky: "You've got a point, let's just pretend we never got this question."
Spanky: "Hey, I like this ignoring stuff, keep rubbing my feet Sparky."

If I could turn my eyeballs all the way around, could I see my brain (assuming I have a pen light crammed up my nose for illumination) or would it create some kind of feedback loop and make my head explode?
-Jason-
Boy, we get this question a lot and I must admit that although I believe you can see your brain, I don't recommend sticking a pen light up your nose because the human brain is light sensitive. Once exposed to artificial light you can count on forgetting where you left your flashlight. Take my word for it, I've got family portraits to prove it.
-Spanky-

Why are all the women that I meet really screwed up in the head?
-mark-
Is this "after" you meet them?
-Spanky-

Spanky, on your webpage, we all got to hear your lovely voice sing "Cupycake". When will we get a chance to hear Sparky sing? I'm sure he sings well as you.
-Love, Caitlin-
Imagine a brass band in one ear, amplified sounds of rhinos mating in the other and Roseane Barr singing the national anthem in both. Throw in a couple of tone deaf, clog dancing monkeys and bingo, that's Sparky on a good day.
-Spanky-

If there was a time when "nothing" existed would it still be classified as "nothing"? And for that that matter was there a time before that when "nothing" didn't even exist?
-Rokket Sientyst-
Current scientists define "nothing" as being "something," or in other words, "lack of something" as being equal to the "existence of nothing." Of course I thought I "heard something" the other day, but it turned out to be nothing, so I'm not sure how accurate the current thinking on this matter is.
-Sparky-

Okay, I am the Spam Girl and I am the leader of the top-secret-shee-don't-tell-anyone Spam Bomb Organization. And I want to know if I should take over the world now or just put it off for another week. But don't tell anyone about my plans..okay?
-MWUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! ~Spam Girl~-
Normally we'd recommend putting this of for a week or two, but with the Holidays right around the corner it'd probably be best to get this whole "take over the world" thing out of the way. This'll leave you plenty of time to work on those Swastika shaped fruit cakes.
-Sparky-

I like this guy who likes my friend whom likes this guy who likes me. this is a bizarre love square! help!
-anonymous visitor-
Hey wait! I like you too!
-Sparky-

Spanky and Sparky, Why is it that the masses seem to congregate at this most eminent of websites, asking for, and receiving your advice and information. Has our society lowered itself so that we expect that anyone who has possession of a web page is an expert on the items that are puzzling or bother us? Or, is it that society has caused us people to endure such drudgery that we are almost mystically drawn to two onions for the small amount of silliness that makes our otherwise dreary lives somewhat bearable?
-F. Neitze-
Uhh... hehe, I think it's just all the pretty colors, and it's free.
-Sparky-

Why is a dot when it's by itself just a dot, but when it's with other dots it suddenly becomes a polka dot?
-anonymous visitor-
Because when you get a bunch of dots together they like to dance.
-Sparky-

Why do they call it "Reader's Digest" when you don't technically digest it?
- Fred The Stick Figure -
Yeah I know, those things always come back out whole.
-Sparky-

Over all this time, What has been your ABSOLUTE FAVORITE question (this one doesn't count)?
--SLY--
We've recieved ten-tons of questions over the past year and a half and we both have a lot of favorites, but since you put us on the spot Bob, here's Sparky's all-time favorite, and hey it was just sent in last week:
"I really want to be a part of the questions this week but I honestly can't think of a single question to ask. Can you guys just make something up and put my name on it?"
-Thanks! Cherries-
And Spanky's favorite:
"Sparky, I've accidentally gotten by bouse stuck up one side of by dose, and a shoe hord stuck up the other side. How cad I get them out without sticking adything else up there?"
-Jason-


Does not having limbs prevent you from doing the Macarena?
-Madame George and her Dancing Hitlers-
Not really. We just do the Macerolla.
-Spanky-

Dear Spanky, Recently I invited a friendly snowman in for some coffee and donuts and he melted all over my kitchen floor. I've been living with this secret for two weeks now and I want to know who I should contact first: the police or his next of kin?
-Thanks, Dave-
Alright, here's what you do: Sew the eyes onto your coat, eat the nose, sell the hat to a local magician, throw the mouth under a tree, and pour the rest of him into a potted plant. And next time you have a snowman over, serve him out on the patio.
-Spanky-