Okay, so we made a mistake
Dear Spanky, I can't take this anymore. I simply cannot see you anymore. Every week it's the same damn thing... I come to your site, you guys cut up, mucous membranes get irritated, I end up crying... it's tuber much! how long shallot go on like this? No.. it's best this way. We'll always have the memories... ...and you did the best you could do, for a scallion. No hurt peelings?
-bulbs forever... , Vidalia-
Dear Vidalia, Your insightful letter has made us see the error of our ways, we had no idea we were upsetting faithful visitors such as yourself. From here on out, no more smart-alecky come backs, senseless corporate bashing or wacky graphics featuring bad things happening to Onionheads. Only kind supportive comments and intelligent poignant answers. Again thank you so much for your wonderful letter, you little butthead!
Who the heck is this cranky Cranky person? Is she related to either one of you two? Now Dinky, he's one happening little onion....
Cranky is Spanky's sister who is currently visiting from Detroit. Here's a little fun fact; Before relatives come to stay with you don't forget to hide all those homemade porn videos.
I've been thinking about taking a vacation to Camp Crystal Lake. I've already packed my hockey mask, but I was wondering: crossbow, machete, or sledge hammer? Oh yeah, and just so you know, I'm now only killing camp counselors who are having unprotected sex.
Hey Jason, while you're there don't forget to knock off the "nerdy kid with the inhaler"... the "rich stuck-up bitch"... the "blond haired guy who beats up the nerdy kid with the inhaler"... "any girl who shows her titties"... and "the guy with the red shirt in the landing party."
What's the difference between a ground squirrel and a chipmunk?
-Just wondering SLY-
Chipmunks sing better.
last week my roommate told me to stop pestering him or he would "winkle" me. what does this mean? should I be scared? wear a lot of clothes?
-Please help me , I am desperately concerned?-
It's a German fruit cake, which in itself isn't so bad, however tradition dictates that a big Fraulein named Helga comes to your house and stuffs it down your leiderhosen.
Why are these the same questions as they were last week? And you still didn't tell me WHY does my dog chew on his feet and now I want to know why he chases his butt?
Dear MagicMisti, In answer to your first question, the site is updated every Monday without fail so you were probably just here like, on Tuesday and then again on Saturday the same week, or maybe it was Monday and then again on Sunday after 3:00 but before the football game. As for your other question, you may want to consider having your dogs butt removed, or duct tape a two-by-four to his side so he stays really straight.
Spanky, if you could be anyone else who would you be?
Colonel Mustard, in the Drawing Room, with the knife.
I love your site (no matter what name it happens to be going by) and I was shocked to see that you felt the need to put up a complaint department. I clicked over to read the complaints and your wacky/smart-alecky replies, but they were not there. There was just a way to submit the complaint! How can you have a complaint page without the complaints of other people?
-the guy who used his complaint as a question-
While we here at wwwVOice wish everybody had a complaint, it just isn't the case. We hope to showcase some of the complaints during the upcoming "Piss and Moan Extravaganza." However, we should point out that we plan to be the ones doing all the pissing and moaning.
A few days ago, I was looking for the ice in my freezer. Suddenly, a cat walked by the freezer door and accidentally pushed me in. This wouldn't have been so bad, but the door closed behind me! I was stuck in the freezer for two whole days until it got hot and someone opened it to get the ice cream. How can I prevent this from happening again??
- Fred The "Moo with me!" Stick Figure-
Best thing to do is put your ice cream in the cabinet and have some explosive bolts installed on the refrigerator door. Also, I suggest that in the future, whenever you go for snacks, bring a cell phone.
Does the new name of CR@MP imply that Spanky is now in charge and their will be PMS topics? I was looking forward to possible home improvement articles when it was called SP@CKLE.
-The Manly Man-
No Spanky's not in charge at this site pal. As for adding a home improvement feature, it's just not possible since I used all my Time-Life series books to "shim up" the front flash utility filter vent. Besides, Spanky would have a cow.
I'm thinking of applying to the government for one of those deals where they send you money every month because you're crazy. (so I can spend all day on the computer) Do you have any suggestions on how I can convince the government, and my neighbors that I'm crazy enough to earn the check?
Sure, you'll need some twist ties, a sponge, a box of birthday candles and some pipe cleaners. First, twist tie the sponge to your head then poke all the pipe cleaners into the sponge, twist the candles into the ends of the pipe cleaners and light them. Now just walk around the neighborhood and offer to wash everybodys cars. Hey, Spanky's cashing our check tomorrow!
I bought a bag of Vidalia Onions the other day, lined them up on the counter and started asking them questions, but they didn't say a word. I think talking onions would make preparing dinner much more entertaining. Would I have better conversations with red, white or yellow onions? Also, should I take the Vidalia's back to the store since they are obviously defective?
-Cherries (almost finished with Cliff Notes for Dummies)-
Dear Cherries, Before you go to the trouble of returning them you may want to try poking them with a stick or flicking the garbage disposal on and holding them over it. Vidalia onions are notorious for not answering questions in a timely fashion. Was it Monday? Onions only answer stupid questions on Monday.
Is it possible to slap someone to death?
Come on over, we'll give it a shot.
Does where the question is posted on the list have ANYTHING to do with it's importance? Because I always notice mine towards the bottom.