Visitor Question Of The Week Archive:
#49 Hi, welcome to the archive, please enjoy all our old crap!!

Hey! my face. Is there anyone out there that can set a VCR??
- Mustang Man-
Sure, all you'll need is a ruler, a white pencil, some scissors and a roll of electrical tape. First, measure the area where you see the flashing 12:00. Then, take the pencil and mark off an area that size on the tape. Take the scissors and carefully cut the tape inside the lines. Stick the tape on your forehead and go read the instruction manual.

Hey! my face. I lost my goldfish after I took it for a walk in the park. If you were a goldfish, where would you go?
As a pet owner myself, I know from experience that many fish enjoy getting out of the tank and dancing on the floor, but only for about three minutes. If he's not there, you might want to check the cracker isle at your local grocery store. Or perhaps your pet has decided to get involved in one of the many fine fraternity initiation rituals at one of the local colleges. Either way, provided he wasn't swallowed, I'm sure he'll turn up.

What happened to all the cool prizes in cereals? I keep emptying out the boxes on my kitchen table hoping to come up with a cool prize, but all I end up with is a big mess!
We're still getting ours, you must be eating yours.

Why do people have a natural aversion to using their turn signals?
Pffft, I just leave mine on all the time!

When history looks back on our era 100 years hence, will we seem impressive to them or will they scratch their heads in dejected amazement over our pathetic obsessions as they go out shopping?
The beauty of this is that most cultures are usually judged by their artifacts. Naturally, I've put my mood ring, virtual pet, a box of Twinkies©, my Howard the Duck Video, my DOS for dummies book and 85 AOL disks in my "Time Capsule" by Ronco©.

whoo, niiiice picture! Hi Onion People... In the neverending quest to find legal, wholesome, free entertainment on the Internet I got lost, could you help me find my way back home?
Getting lost on the Internet is no joking matter. I recommend that you stay in your browser, light a candle to keep warm and be prepared to eat some of your own body parts.

Apparently people are having trouble seeing me when I'm driving despite the fact that I've painted my car highway yellow and put one of those big white strobe lights on top. I've even tried laying on the horn from the time I leave home until I arrive at where I'm going, but people still keep hitting me! Short of using stinger missiles to blow them off the road, is there anything I can do?
What you need to do here is make yourself even more visible. Why not mount a giant chicken on the roof of your car? Or, better yet get a couple hundred Stick-Ups© and plaster them all over you car. If they can't see you, at least maybe they'll smell you coming. For better night visibility, plaster lightning bug guts all over the quarter panels.

Is Silly Putty© an all natural product?
-anonymous visitor-
As I understand it, the manufacturing of Silly Putty© is a complicated and involved process. First, "Silly" must be imported from the tropical rain forests of Brazil where it grows wild on the "Silly Tree." The "putty" part is comprised of a mixture of Spackle, pieces of eraser and cubed beetle dung. Each wad of putty is individually mixed by putting it in an old Pick up Stix© tube and having a Norwegian Yodeler place it on a Tilt-A-Whirl (this helps maintain the silliness). After 14 hours of spinning, the putty is removed, bounced around by the CEO and placed in those trendy plastic eggs (don't even ask how those are made) and then individually packaged for shipping.

donut How long do you think it took donut makers to realize they could not only sell the donuts, but the HOLES too!?!?!
It's a scam. I bought donuts, I bought holes. They don't fit.

Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
No, but it does acquire a delicious "fuzzy" flavor if I store it in my pocket.

If you two were going to start a band, what would it be called?
-Raven the Curious-
We kicked this one around and here's what we came up with:
1. The Pounding headaches
2. Garbage (wait, that's already been done)
3. The Horror (Just so we could call our first CD "The Horror, The Horror")
4. Sexual (So MTV DJ's would have to say "here's one by sexual")
5. Crap (so parents will sound hip when they say "Turn that crap off")
6. A Restroom (So when you're in the music store and you ask... well, I think you can figure out the rest of this one)

Why do Mardi Gras beads taste so darn fruity?
- Fred The Stick Figure-
Dear "Fred the bead eating stick figure." Although I've never actually seen, let a lone eaten any "Mardi Gras beads" I would have to think its probably the candy coating. Tell me, do those things come from one of those Carmen Miranda fruit hats?

So... why does your home page behave differently In IE 4.0 than it does with Netscape Communicator? I noticed that there are "special" things that happen in Netscape that I do not get with IE 4.0. What's up with that? Do you have a secret agenda against Microsoft, or a secret affair with Netscape?
-Argh... forgot my name: Whyteshadow... er Darkfire the great-
Dear Argh, well Mr. nosey, I guess the cat's out of the bag. As I understand it the Microsoft browser is free and Dad always told me "You get what you pay for."

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