Visitor Question Of The Week Archive:
#47 Welcome to Ow!'s rather disturbing archive.... Enjoy!

October Appreciation Month

Hey! my face. Why is the stupid poll only done once a month?
Creating the poll each month at the wwwVOice Ow! website is a long and involved process. First, all of the votes must be carefully counted up using a team of Alaskan Huskies and a dozen donuts. Once completed, new questions must be stolen from other "little known" "extra funny" websites scattered around the web. Upon completion, all questions must be approved by a team of homosexual Tibetan monks and then subsequently run over by three naked Jenny Craig dropouts on scooters. So, as you can see, it would be far too costly to go buying a dozen donuts every week.

Hey! my face. HI! Uh...I have a question. I think. Uhmm... Why does Spanky have a nice cute pink ribbon and Sparky doesn't?
-Chicken Burrito :) -
Dear CB, That pink thing on my head is not actually a ribbon, it's a tattoo of Italy that I foolishly got back in my college days. It was a vain attempt at cheating on my geography test. That's nothing though, Sparky has Darwin's theory of evolution on his... well, I think you can guess where.

Dear Sparky, I am thinking about getting a nose job and was checking with some doctors about my options... I noticed that neither you, nor Spanky, have one, so I was wondering if you would like me to forward you the information once I get it.
-Just wondering if you could use the help.. Still Pick'n!-
No, but thank you. We don't actually need noses because we don't smell.
-Sparky Spanky, yeah, Spanky did this one.-

If the people at Taco Bell will let you drive a golf cart through the drive-thru (which you're not supposed to have on the road anyway), why won't they let you walk through it?
It's too dangerous. You might get clobbered by a speeding golf cart.

Why do they always change daylight savings time in the middle of the night?
-Sonny Knight-
It doesn't really matter to us onions, ever since we got our alarm clock at "the KMarts" it's always flashed 12:00.

Is it cruel to take the nuts from grapes to make breakfast cereal?
-anonymous visitor-
As I understand it, it doesn't hurt the grape and makes them calmer. I do feel sorry for them, only because they have to wear that funnel for a couple of weeks.

I have a problem with my underwear. It seems they are all defective. Every pair has the hole in the back. What should I do?
-That's Mr Anonymous to you-
Well, you could try walking backwards, however I'm not sure that this will totally solve your problem. Why not just sew up the hole in the back and make a new one in front? Or, if you don't have that kind of time, you could just have your winky transplanted to the other side.

Could you please explain to me this thing called 'whipped cream'? It sounds like some form of dairy product torture.
Dear Simian, You'll be glad to know that during the creation of whipped cream, the tasty dairy treat, the cream itself is not damaged or harmed in any way. The cows however usually do need a couple of days to snap out of it.

So, do you use paper towels to dry off after a shower?
-anonymous visitor-
No, we're onions. We just get in the salad spinner and crank each other around.

Of course, the sexual innuendos for Spanky are more than obvious. What I need to know is, Mr. Spark-dude, do you have a car battery under the bed and a set of jumper cables hanging on the headboard?
No, I just have a lot of sparklers shoved up my butt and, with the right music, can put on one hell of a show. Actually, for the real explanation, go to the top of this page and click on my head.

Why is it whenever I visit your site my computer seems to get stoopider and stewpidur.
It can be pretty difficult to tell if your computer is getting less and less intelligent, I suggest you watch closely for these warning signs:
5.The CD's seem to get spit out every time you say the word "gates."
4. A new wacky answer for two plus two every day.
3. Your browser seems to "freeze up" whenever you bring a cold drink near it.
2. Phone bill indicates a lot of 3AM calls to Bora-Bora.

And probably the biggest clue that your computer is going nuts:

1. Shutdown screen says "It is now safe to mow your lawn."

Does Spanky get dizzy from spinning around and around and around and around on the seal's nose?
-anonymous visitor-
No, she had a little astronaut training in that thing that whips around really really fast, and she hardly ever pukes anymore.

If a million monkeys typed on a million typewriters for a million years, would one eventually type a better question than this?
Can't be done until they invent an office chair with a "tail hole" in it.

What role does the penis serve in the Clinton administration?
-anonymous visitor-
You know, I had dinner at the White House just last week and I really don't recall being served any penises.
-Sparky Spanky, yeah, Spanky did this one too.-

If M&Ms melt in your mouth and not in your hand, what do they do, say, under your arm?
- Love, Franco-
Become inedible.

Can my question be at the top of the weekly questions? Please?!
-Top dog-
Sure, no problem.

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