Visitor Question Of The Week Archive:
#46 Welcome to wwwVOice's rather disturbing archive.... Enjoy!




Hey! my face. Why are there tread marks on Wrigley's© spearmint gum?
-anonymous visitor-
Originally we thought that they probably ran over all the gum at the factory. After further investigation however, we discovered that if you put the gum on your record player and play it backwards you can hear some secret satanic messages.
-Sparky-

Hey! my face. Ok, I've decided to go on vacation, Where should I go? Or should I just sit in my backyard for two weeks straight?
-Meli-
Hey Meli, why not come and sit in our backyard for two weeks? This wonderful all expense paid (by you of course) vacation includes: Free lemonade every hour on the hour, daily puppet shows by grand puppeteer and part time Phlebotomist, "The Magnificent Bob." Nightly Clog dancing featuring, "Fido the One-Legged Wonder Dog." And as if that's not enough, the entire fiasco will wrap up on Sunday night with: 5 and 1/2 hours of us spitting a ping pong ball back and forth while you answer all these stupid questions.
-Spanky-

Jeez, could these pages load any slower?
-anonymous visitor-
Yes but we're going to have to add some pictures of Spanky's Aunt Tuber, Great Uncle Waldo (as soon as we find him) her entire hand puppet collection, our pet Lama Spitty, 14 pictures of the Pope and a blue green Java applet that tells you what color underwear you're wearing.
-Sparky-

Do you guys own any pets? And do you know anyone that owns a pet armadillo?
-Hojo-
Are you kidding? I love those armadillo stone sours. Trick is getting the armadillo in the blender.
-Spanky-

Why do companies sell new and improved products? Were the previous ones old and crappy?
-anonymous visitor-
I'm really not sure, is New Jersey better than the Old Jersey? Is New Mexico better than Mexico? Or for that matter, Is Newt Gingrich better than the Old Gingrich? What about Nuclear waste? Or Wayne Newton?
-Sparky-

What movie to you seems to keep getting funnier every time ya see it?
-Muppet Baby-
Porkys III. But only because the copy is getting a little fuzzier ever time.
-Sparky-

Do you guys get all of your poll questions from the archives of submitted questions? The Kirk hair thing was in archive #38. I have noticed others but I won't embarrass you further by exposing you for what you really are: a couple of lying, cheating, plagiarizing, uncreative, never- had- an- original- thought- in- my- pathetic- little- life hacks.
-ATRAIN-
While it is true that every so often we here at wwwVOice Sp@ckle do steal some of our own stuff, we would just like to point out that once you press the "Here you go Sparky" button, it pretty much means; "Here you go Sparky." Sometimes we will use a submitted question and if you look closely at the bottom of the poll page you can see a tiny little blurb that gives the pollster full credit. Hey, by the way, Atrain, did you check out our new page, Cooler Site of the Day?
-Sparky-

What question should I send?
-anonymous visitor-
Any of the above questions would be fine, or maybe something from the archive. Also, I recommend maybe going to some other humor sites and swiping all their stuff.
-Sparky-

Can I have some free money please.
-Love from fountainhead.-
You could try driving through the toll-booth backwards.
-Sparky-

When I wave my hand in front of the computer screen why can I see millions of fingers?
-anonymous visitor-
Actually you don't, when you wave your hand back and forth really fast like that, it creates an effect that suddenly gives you millions of eyes. The good thing is that it will appear like you're chatting a lot faster.
-Sparky-

How do you floating heads float?
-anonymous visitor-
A little root beer, a little ice cream and one of those loopy-crazy twisty straws.
-Spanky-

What would life be like without Beavis and Butthead?
-anonymous visitor-
Heh.. heh.. he said butthead.
-Sparky-

You have to help me, as I am in need of your help. Where can a monkey learn to drive a car?
- simian -
Yellow cab, New York City. However there are even *more* rewarding employment opportunities for monkeys that can type. I understand there's an opening answering Bill Gates e-mail.
-Sparky-

Let's say you're skimming money from your multi-million dollar company. Is it better to stuff the money under your mattress, or use one of those fancy-shmancy off-shore accounts in the Caymans?
- The Reverend Jough Approximately -
Best thing is to jam all your money into shoeboxes and label them "Barney videos." Another good trick is to stuff it into some sleeves from old AOL disks and stack them up next to your computer. If you're a little short on AOL disks, you could try cramming some of the smaller bills into your old five and one quarter disk drive. Or better yet, just keep FedExing the whole bundle to yourself.
-Spanky-

Why is it the passengers side window wipers always work better?
-Reptile-
I'm not sure, I usually just drive from the passengers side.
-Sparky-





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