Visitor Question Of The Week Archive:
#39 Welcome to wwwVOice's rather disturbing archive.... Enjoy!



Hey! my face. Ok, are you red or white onions? Or is this just considered racist?
-anonymous-
Actually, there are no prejudices in the world of onions, so to speak. (except I don't really like those skinny green guys.. yecch!)
-Sparky-

Hey! my face. Since the "Big Butt Extravaganza" was such a huge success, do you think you will do extravaganzas featuring other body parts?
-Luv my Toes-
What? The big earlobe extravaganza? Frankly, I just don't think it will have the same kind of impact. We are however planning some future special events, so stay tuned.
-Spanky-

Spanky, Are there people in this world that spend all day just sitting in front of their computers just sending you stupid questions? PS: Will you marry me?
-anonymous-
In answer to your first question, apparently yes. As far as your second question goes, I'd love to, but right now I'm currently engaged to three Eskimos and some guy who runs a Swedish yodeling website. Try again in a couple of weeks.
-Spanky-

Why do we put our spare change in piggy banks and not some other animal-type bank?
-Matilda-
Because the nickels won't fit through the aardvark's nose.
-Sparky-

If Jackie Chan had plastic surgery to look like Harrison Ford, would he be disoriented?
-pete-
Yes, he would probably need some reorientation.
-Sparky-

Have you ever found yourself somehow attached to a car antenna?
-I.C.U.-
Yes, it was back in my college days. Big party, spiked punch. It's how I lost my virginity!
-Spanky-

Have you ever had a broken heart?
-poor little me-
No, but I did just break some wind.
-Sparky-

Sparky, I had your URL tattooed on my butt. Butt now I can't read it. When I look at it in the mirror, I can't read it because its backwards. What do I do?
-Dick Assmann-
My Dear Dick, get a really firm grip on your ass, and spin around really fast.
-Sparky-

So, Spanky. How do you keep your girlish figure? Do you work out or anything?
-Sleepless in Milpitas-
Yo man, I'm a floating head.
-Spanky-

I was kind of wondering how many times you have to try a locked doorknob, or a light switch that goes to a burnt out bulb, or push a lit elevator button, before you're satisfied...also, are these things related, and do they have anything to do with how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie© roll pop?
-Thanks for taking my question.. <*}}><-
Doorknob... 3 (unless it's the bathroom), light switch... 2, elevator... 3 x the number of floors in the building. No I don't think these are related, however, I once got my Tootsie© roll pop stuck on the doorknob of my hotel room. When I yanked it off, it flew down the hallway and broke the light bulb in the elevator.
-Sparky-

Clark Sparky are you secretly Superonion?
-Clark Kent-
Honest, I really don't have a secret identity.
-Sparky-

I think my kitchen appliances are plotting against me. What can I do about it?
-simian-
Dear Simian, here's what you do. First dress up like an appliance repairman, (don't forget to have the entire butt crack showing or they will catch on right away), next go to each appliance one by one and tighten up all their screws *really* tight. Or better yet, get out your sewing machine and make up soundproof cozies for all of them. If they can't talk to one another, they can't plot against you.
-Spanky-

Why do they call it 'New' Jersey? Hasn't it been there for a while?
-anonymous-
Cause "Old Jersey" sounds stupid. How about "Jersey Classic?"
-Sparky-

Is your acceptance of my question based on my answers to the above questions, or is it based merely on the meritorious merit of my question which may or may not have merit?
-Mr. Merritt-
Dear Mr. Merritt, Each week the wwwVOice website receives millions of questions. The questions are then subjected to a rigorous selection process by chewing them up into little spitballs and shooting them at the cat (which we have conveniently duct taped to the sofa) whatever sticks, wins.
-Spanky-

When they ship styrofoam-what do they pack it in?
-anonymous-
Stereo parts. (hey, I think I did this question last year)
-Sparky-

Should I be worried about being eaten by a duck? Is it a real threat?
-anonymous-
Are you a piece of bread?
-Sparky-





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