Could you please explain why Captain Kirk has more hair now than he did 30 years ago?
As I understand it, it got screwed up in the teleporter with Don King.
Spanky, I am a lonely onion. Will you go out on a date with me?
Sure, but on the way can we go by the prison and visit my brother, and of course I'll need to drop off my farty cat at the vet. I also have to swing by my psychiatrist and pick up this months supply of Prozac, oh and I almost forgot, I'm all out of rash cream, could you bring some? So... what night are you free?
I'm in love with a fat Hawaiian man that knows karate, yet I'm afraid the relationship might hurt my political career. What should I do?
-Bob Dole. not pete at all... really-
Dear Bob, If you and this fat, board breaking transvestite hula dancer really have something special going, I think you should just say... "To hell with all of you, we really love each other and nothing on this whole planet is going to come between us" Hey Bob... does he have a nice butt?
I have 3 questions: First, how many employee's are there right now? Second, is there a security guard there? Third, Do you sell ski masks?
-Kinkie the Twid-
The only employee we have on staff right now, is the big burly guy with lots of guns and stuff, which of course answers the second question. And no, we don't ski.
Sparky, I've accidentally gotten by bouse stuck up one side of by dose, and a shoe hord stuck up the other side. How cad I get them out without sticking adything else up there?
OK, here's what you need to do. Get on your bicycle and ride up to the gas station. Go to the side of the building where the air hose is. Stick the hose up your butt. Hold your breath, put your fingers in your ears. With your right foot click the air hose on. And bingo! All clear. Please be sure to tune in next week, when we'll attempt to give Jason instructions on how to remove an air hose from your butt.
What did the first person to eat chicken tell everyone else it tasted like?
My only question is, did he order the six, the nine, or the twelve piece?
Oooh I have a problem. I still can't find my butt. I've been asking everyone I meet if they've seen it, but they only laugh at me. Why?
Dear Snaggletooth, Probably your best recourse would be to try and shape a replacement. I recommend some Tupperware© bowls and a family size box of Jell-O©
Why must I always feel completely undermined by small floating heads.
Surely you're not referring to us?
Hey now! What's going on here??? You rejected my question because "monkeys can't read"? Um....no! How would I have filled out your poll and spent a good half-hour typing in my question (I've only got three fingers, you know) if I couldn't read. You floating head guys think you're sooooo great, huh? Well monkeys have feelings, too. You might want to reconsider your attitude towards monkeys, or I, along with the rest of the International Munky Coalition, will forward all of our therapist bills directly to you.
Dear Munky, I would like to apologize on behalf of myself, Spanky, and the entire staff of the wwwVoice corporation. But I can't because you're just a dopey primate.
If Rush Limbaugh and Bill Gates were married and had a child what would it look like?
-Jaherb, the Indian Programer-
The Great Gazoo, from the Flintstones.
Now that I've dealt with those damn rubbermen I'm plagued with another problem...you know how at Mickey D's they got that thing that says you have to be a midget to get in the big thing of balls and go on the slide? Well if you're not a midget and you go on it anyway and you get stuck in a slide and bruise my finger does that make them liable for something? Or do I just get to sit there and think about what I've done?
Before you go in, you might want to order the six piece McNuggets©, it usually comes with enough sweet&sour sauce to lubricate any of those openings.
Spanky, I know this is stupid, but do you and Sparky have any kids? If so, do they look like you or a showerhead?
-Stranger than u and loving it-
We planted a few, but the rabbits keep coming and eating them.
Why doesn't the spinning of the earth make us dizzy?
-Bugbite - Thinks Spanky should answer more questions than Sparky.-
Recent scientific studies have indicated that while the Earth spins in an oscillating motion along "said axis" a secondary force plays on it with substantial thrust, thus causing an equal and balancing effect.. Jeepers, I'm pretty damn dizzy now.