Visitor Question Of The Week Archive:
#36 Welcome to wwwVOice's rather disturbing archive.... Enjoy!

Hey, We're On Vacation!

Hey! my face. Sparky, I am missing a piece of my ear. Have you seen it?
-The Heavyweight Champ of the World-
Dear Heavyweight Champ, While we here at wwwVOice would like to keep track of everybody's ears, time constraints prevent us from doing so. There's potato chips to count, pipe cleaners to bend and of course, all those boxes of Jell-O to alphabetize. I recommend that in future you have your ears registered at your local, Vincent Van Gogh Foundation for the Appendage Impaired.

Hey! my face. How did you Spanky and Sparky get their names? Like did Sparky get shocked and so now he's called Sparky? So.. tell me about Spanky..
Actually, Sparky was derived from the ancient Chinese religious symbol "" which means "Say that again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap" Spanky, on the other hand, was named after the famous Horse that General Mayhem rode during the Civil War who had a nasty habit of just standing there unless you stuffed a quarter in her butt.

Does Evander Holyfield's ear taste like chicken?
Yes, and they'll soon be available in 6, 9 and 147 piece value meals.

How many questions can I submit? Do you really read them all?
-cur - ee - us-
Read the questions? What a great idea!
Recently, the wwwVOice website has become more popular and we're now getting about 20 or so questions a day. (20 questions, bwha ha ha) Anyway, you can submit as many as you like but we would prefer it if you kept it around 3 or 4 and only voted once. And yes, we do read them all.

Ok, Sparkster, I saw this ad for some heartburn pill crap, Now my question is, why do you eat the food then take the pill if you know that the food is gonna kill ya?

Top five reasons to eat food that will give you heartburn.

5. Kept screaming "Stop it" during food fight.

4. Fear obnoxious relative calling you "pussy" for the rest of your life.

3. Mistakenly thought plate of Jalapeno peppers was giant caviar.

2. Wanted Chili eating ribbon *really* bad.

And the number one reason to eat food that will give you heartburn:
1. Accidentally stuck "cocktail weenie" in flaming nacho dip.


Is it possible to travel through time?
-Dave Coffman-
Yes, I do believe time travel is possible. For example, you're reading this now but, I wrote it last week, but you sent it in before that. And while you're reading this now, I will probably read it later. Not to mention, I bought Windows 95 in '96 and bell bottoms are back. So you can see why nobody's invented a time machine yet, it's too confusing.

lets have sex spanky!?!
Sorry, I only have sex with guys that have big letters. Besides, I'm not germinating right now.

Why is it the larger the woman, the tighter the pants?????
I think it's along the lines of "Ten pounds of something in a five pound bag."

Dear Sparky, Do you think it's fair that only one company makes the game MonopolyŠ?
-the guy who was horribly disappointed to find one of his questions on the rejected page-
Actually, as I understand it, MonopolyŠ will be included in the new "Microsoft Office 98" package.

What happened to all the time I saved yesterday? Did I lose time or did I just waste it?
It probably fell out of your pocket into the sofa cushions, while you were taking that three hour nap.

So sparky, you seem like the kind of person who stays up till 3 in the morning watching infomercials am I right? What do you feel is the snarlyist little plastic thing sold for three easy payments of $19.95? for a quick refrence go here
The "Snarly-o-meter" says it's a toss-up between the "Duct Tape Hat" and the "Spray on Socks"

Dear Sparky, How can I convince my wife beer is good for you?
Dear Steve, To get your wife to encourage your brew consumption I recommend getting a big frosty mug, taking a swig and then saying something like "Boy, I sure feel like vacuuming the living room."

Why are you onions so attractive?
-*i'm here 24/7 just to see you*-
Yo man, we be stylin'

If you're a floating head, then how the hell do you manage to use a *!*#@*!!! computer?
We poke the keys with Evander's ear.

There have been a number of suicide attempts lately by people who have submitted questions to you which you rejected, will you accompany me to the station to assist us with our enquiries?
Okey-Dokey. Can I push the siren on the way there, fingerprint my butt, wear one of those glasses, nose, mustache things for my mugshot, and for that one phonecall thing, can I dial a 900 number?

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