Why do humans grow old?
-an old folk-
So there's somebody around to buy those spiffy lime green pants at the KMarts.
-Sparky-

Is it possible to not get a severe wedgie when you go down one of those really steep water slides?
-anonymous-
Yes, so here's what you do. Get a roll of duct tape, a big plastic Santa and a friend dressed up like Elvis. Tape the Santa to your butt, wrap a big beach towel around your waist and go to the local waterpark. Strategically place your friend in the deck area and get in line for the slide. When you get to the top shout at the lifeguard "Look! There's Elvis!" while pointing at your pal. Whip the towel off and jump onto the slide. This technique can also get you a few extra ketchup packets at the concession stand.
-Spanky-

My butt gets numb from sitting at this computer for so long. How can I wake it up?
-L.B.-
Every time you need to hit the spacebar, use your butt. Every time you need to wipe your monitor off, use your butt. Every time you need to click your mouse, put it on your chair and squeeze your cheeks together really hard. Of course you could always just get up and walk around a little.
-Spanky-

What is the noise coming from my parents room?
~two blondes and one dumb brunette~
They're probably just hanging some pictures or playing racquetball. (I can't believe it actually took three people to come up with that question)
-Sparky-

Can you at least accept one of my questions?
-want to be accepted-
Not this week.
-Sparky-

I can't find my butt with both hands. Where could it be hiding?
-Snaggletooth-
First you'll need to retrace your steps and try and remember where you last saw your butt. If this doesn't help then ask all your family and friends if they've seen your butt. Finally if it's still lost, nail a recent picture of it on every phone poll in town.
-Spanky-

Spanky&Sparky, I'm a science fiction geek and this question has been pestering me for nearly 20 years now. Can Luke Skywalker's lightsaber cut through Captain America's shield? Thanks!
-TK-421-
Not a chance in hell. Captain America's shield is made from the same stuff that potato chip bags are made out of.
-Sparky-

Do u prefer brand A or brand B cola?
-anonymous-
Brand A. My pet lama keeps spitting in brand B.
-Sparky-

Spanky/Sparky if I wake up and turn around really quickly can I see myself sleeping?
-Some Stupid Person-
After repeated attempts I wasn't able to see myself, however I did get to see a lot of that sleep drool flying around.
-Sparky-

I've heard that this site smells. I can't seem to find ANY info pertaining to applying smells to a website. I would really like to put smells on my page. Can you tell me how that is done? Also, I'm considering the soft, soothing scent of babypowder, so any help in finding that scent would also be appreciated.
- Thank you very much and have a nice day. :)-
If you feel really compelled to stink up your website, I recommend downloading this
-Sparky-

If you had a telescope, and you used it to look at prostitutes, would that make it a horoscope?
-pete-
Sure Pete, and if it's a small prostitute you have a microscope.
-Spanky-

Is the butt extravaganza over??
-anonymous-
Yes, it's finally behind us.
-Spanky-