Visitor Question Of The Week Archive:
#33 Welcome to Ow!'s rather disturbing archive.... Enjoy!

Ow! proudly presents the:
1997 Big Butt

Welcome to this year's edition of the "Big Butt ExtravaganzaŽ" featuring butt related questions and sites from around the world!

The Dream (now a reality)
People say to me "Sparky" they say, cause that's my name, "Sparky, why a Big Butt Extravaganza?" to which I answer, It's a dream, just a wonderful dream I've had since the website first got started. Well, maybe not so much a dream as a vision. OK, maybe not a vision I just thought it might be kinda interesting. Perhaps interesting isn't really the right word... boy, I'll be glad when this whole "butt extravaganza thing" is over with.

Some Butty Websites
Interested in seeing some butts? Take a quick peek at Norm's butt and see why his site was voted one of Internet Underground's "11 Most Offensive Web Site Designs". As if that's not enough to satisfy anybody's wild butt craving, you can fill out this thrilling Butt Form and mail it to your favorite ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Of course what "Big Butt Extravaganza" would be complete without including a link to the ever-wacky and slightly disgusting Butt Page?

Had enough? Hold on to your butts, there's more!

Visitor (butty) Questions Of The Week :

Hey! my face. 6/22/97
Why do some people have really jiggly butts? And why do they keep insisting on showing them off?
Recent psychological studies have defined this as the "Jiggly Showoff Butt Disorder" which if left untreated often turns into the "Pants Way Up Under the Armpits Syndrome." Although this may not sound all that bad it almost always progresses into "The Old Guy Driving Really Slow in Front of Me Virus", and eventually death.

Of what importance was the Cuneiform language in early Sumerian cultures? Oh wait... that's not butt related. Sorry.
Surprisingly, this question is butt related. The Cuneiform language is actually a series of farts and whistles that early Sumerians used to relate fishing and bait tips to other tribal members. However, after the big "Bean Famine" of 3 B.C. a newer language had to be developed and "Cuneiform" was lost forever.

Hey! my face. Dear Spanky, How did music video producers create those enormous hills that way too closely resembled butts in the music video for "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot?
Those are actually giant Jim Henson Buttpets. Once a Sesame street favorite, the Buttpets were removed from the show when they accidentally sat on Mr. Hooper and killed him.

Would you rather be in a cave full of snakes OR be in a bathtub full of snakes?
-The Question Grrl-
You'll be pleased to hear that the Mr. Bubble corporation has recently released their long awaited "Bottle-O-Snakes" deluxe foaming bath beads. Which incidentally has a picture of a butt on the front of the box.

Spanky, Where in sam's hell IS sam's hell?
Up your Butt.

Dear Sparky, my girlfriend thinks that my butt is butt ugly...she wants my to wax all of the hair off of it??? do you think this is a strange request??? Imagine the pain!!!!! What can I do to avoid this!?!
-Bob Dole-
Dear Bob, I think your girlfriend may be right. Not only are hairy butts hairy, they're also dangerous. Imagine your surprise when one morning you go to put your pants on and the friction from your hair causes your butt to burst into flames."Spontaneous Combuttstion" is no laughing matter, get that thing waxed pronto.

Hello, and welcome to my butt-related question. Why do we make such a big deal about people's butts?
-Thanks ever so...-
Who's making a big deal about butts?

I think I'm in love with the Pillsbury Doughboy. Is that so wrong?
No, because he has a very nice butt.

What would happen if you swallowed an Alkaseltzer tablet?
You would have one less Alkaseltzer in the box.

If I concentrated really hard, do you think it would be possible to move my butt-cheeks like stubby legs of flab and actually use them as new mode of transportation?
-love, bubble-butt in belgium-
Dear Bubble-Butt in Belgium, Recent scientific studies in the Netherlands have indicated that "Butt Locomotion" is possible, however, the slapping sounds seem to attract a lot of bees.

How does evolution occur? I mean, how do things know when to go "Ok, I think it's time to get smarter now, maybe we'll also develop an opposable thumb." I thought you might know.
One of two ways, either a really loud ding or Ed McMahon shows up at the door.

Why do we have butts?
So we could have this stupid "Big Butt Extravaganza."

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