Visitor Question Of The Week Archive:
#32 Welcome to wwwVOice's rather disturbing archive.... Enjoy!

Hey! my face. 6/16/97
Are you really just a Government Census Agent filing important facts from netizenies to help facilitate the growth of the U.S.?
It's funny you should ask. Since it's inception in May of 1996, wwwVOice has been selling these vital statistics to three rather large baboons in upper Botswana, who have in turn been using the results to complete their "master plan" to liberate from captivity the world population of little plastic red monkeys in a barrel.

When you turn a light on in a room, it fills the room with light. When you turn off the light,where does all the light that was already in there go?
-D. Dot Rausden-
Into the nearest heat duct, until it hears that old familiar "click" again.

Hey! my face. Where does the hour go that you lose during daylight savings time?
Cher has them. Do you really think plastic surgery can do THAT?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Only the ones with the heads missing. (the crackers, not the vegetarians)

I got a bag of chips out of the snack machine at work today. My question is why they think that it is necessary to put on the 2 1/8 oz. bag of chips that it is a "Large Size" of course that is "Compared to 1 oz. size"? Don't they think we can do the math and see that 2 1/8 oz. is more than 1 oz.?
-the math wiz at the Pentagon-
Since I've never actually gotten one of those little bags open without the contents flying all over the floor, I don't know if I'm properly qualified to answer this. You may want to consult your local convenience store owner.

Spanky, I was just wondering, shouldn't you change your name, because if some dyslexic read it, they might think it said "kan spy", and would get all scared and never eat canned foods again because the kan spy was watching them. This is a very important matter of national security. I suggest a new name like "Turnip Dude" or something.
-Da Raven-
I was considering having it legally changed to "Natas" or "Bubezleeb", but changed my mind after our nanny hung herself at my birthday party.

Is it just me, or does anyone else think Bill Gates is one HOT babe-magnet?
It's just you.

I have 18kg of Cheez Whiz and not a slice of Bread in the house. Any suggestions?
Cheez Whiz©, miracle product of the 70's, tastes good on just about anything. How about a salad? Liberally smear the Cheez Whiz© on each piece of lettuce, wad them all together in a big ball and roll it in croutons. How about a refreshing Cheez Whiz© Margarita? Easy to make with just a little ice and some tequila. You can learn more about these, and other exciting recipes at any of the finer Wisconsin "Wally's World-O-Cheeses."

My school has a strict dress code. If you had a glass eye, and you didn't wear it to school (or you got one of those funky ones, like the smiley-face eye in Last Action Hero, and did wear it) should you get suspended?
No, unless you wear one that looks like a testicle.

Spanky! I brush my teeth before I go to bed and still I wake up with stinky rot-mouth; yet my morning brushing lasts me for HOURS... I am so confused.
-minty boy-
Dear Minty Boy, Best solution; mouthful-o-Tic Tacs©.

Slinky, What's the deal with "cow-tipping?" I mean is it a real event, or what? Do people actually do this, and if so, do you do this while the cow is asleep or awake? Who invented it?
-Yours, Guess W.-
Quick history trip; Athens 776 BC, the first olympics, actually, there was no cow tipping but as I understand it a few sheep fell over. Helsinki 1952, again no cow tipping at the games, however there is rumor that several of the smaller synchronized swimmers got blown over in a strong headwind. Iowa 1958, Billy Ray Dennis and his brother Cole get drunk, go out to the Johnson farm and break both their necks while attempting to tip over one of the chickens. It wasn't until the magical year of 1965 that the actual art of cow tipping came into the fray when Ethel Bloom, accidentally knocked over seven heifers while washing them with a garden hose. The modern day cow tipping we all know and love consists mainly of one or two bored-out-of-their-minds, falling-down-drunk individuals, finding a sleeping cow, running toward it at a maniacal speed so as to whack into it with their bodies and knock it over on it's side. The purpose of which is to crack some walnuts which have been carefully placed somewhere within the predetermined "Bovine Landing Zone."

Why are the sun, moon and the planets round? Why can't we decorate the skies with some other geometric shapes such as: squares, triangles, ovals, boxes.
The "Big" guy in charge says something about how irregular shapes won't properly stick to that big blue thing in the sky.

If people from another planet were to come and visit(before the government got to them), what would be your first words to them?
Blabeeblabeeblabeebee uh uh uh.

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