I stepped on a Tetanus shot. What's next?
-L'ugh-
Quick, jam a rusty nail into your butt. (not the hole)
-Spanky-

If Shaggy and Scooby hate spooks and monsters so much, why do they hang out with those other three geeks? Haven't they figured that they are supernatural magnets?
-jamjars-
Zoinks! A Scooby question! Scooby snacks man, Scooby snacks.
-Spanky-

What's with those road signs? Have you ever seen a deer cross the road at a deer crossing sign? Maybe someone should inform the deer!
-anonymous-
Little known to humans is the exciting, challenging, and sometimes fatal game played by deer the world over called "Dodge the Thing." The objective as near as I know is to get to the other side of that big black whatchamacallit without being clobbered by one of those fast moving things, while standing at least 200 yards from one of the square, yellow "doohickeys on a stick." If any light hits you, freeze.
-Sparky-

I have a washer and a dryer, could you please tell me why they don't invent a folder?
-Arms too tired : (-
Currently in the works and top secret I might add, is Ronco Corps. "Ronco Foldomatic©" not only will this little beauty fold your clothes, there's big potential for some top notch "America's Funniest Home Videos" footage. (I understand it also makes julienne fries)
-Sparky-

Does Bob Sagett have incriminating evidence that he's using to blackmail his producers and remain the host of AFHV, or are there actually people out there who think he's funny?
-Jason-
I recently had the privilege of meeting Bob at a party and I must say that after a coupl'a dozen drinks the man is damn funny. Of course I was rather disappointed with Bob's treatment on the show of the "wacky" video of my neighbor, Phil, lopping off his cat's head with a weed whipper.
-Sparky-

Sparky, why does my boyfriend insist on driving like he's got a crazed homicidal maniac on his tail? He scares the heck out of me, and it's almost gotten to the point where I can't be in the car with him. Please help.
-Heather-
OK here's what you do. Stash a can of beer in your purse, call the police and inform them where you're going, the rout you're taking and your boyfriend's license plate number. Now, when you hear the sirens, grab the beer, shake it up really quick, point it towards him and open it. This'll put you in the drivers seat for at least the next three years.
-Spanky-

Hey Sparky,
I was wondering If you could tell me how I could get a part in one of those really nifty "Mentos" commercials. I have absolutely no acting ability whatsoever and I think I'd be perfect for the part. (unless you have to actually eat the things)
-choo choo-
OK, I talked to the Mentos people and unfortunately part of the screen test is to eat fourteen hundred Mentos formed into the shape of Mount Rushmore.
-Sparky-

Now that you're limiting your questions to non-foliage, non-drive/parkway, non cat/toast type questions, I feel that you may actually be forcing your readers/questioners to come up with a mind of their own. If you do that, we may have a lot of creative people wandering around the world and (God forbid) the net as well. Do you know what social, political, and national ramifications this may have? Just wondering
-Bob Sly-
Dear Bob,
I believe that under these circumstances; A.Fran Dreschler would become a senator. B.Kraft would stop individually wrapping their cheese. C.Coca-Cola would change their super secret formula (wait, I think that already happened) D.Cool Site of the Day would choose a cool site, and E. I could stop answering these stupid questions.
-Sparky-

Sparky/Spanky,
Congrats on the first anniversary. Can we expect continued snappy-come-backs-to-stupid-questions and all around sophomoric behavior, from you guys, in the year to come?
-EsTee-
Uh... sure.
-Spanky/Sparky-