4/19/97
If good things come to those who wait, then why haven't I ever gotten to see one of those dorks spending what's left of their paycheck on lottery tickets get struck by lightning? I mean, I've been waiting a long time. . .
-Jason-
Actually, the odds of winning the lottery are about 14 million to 1 and the odds of being struck by lightning are somewhere in the vicinity of 50 million to 1. Of course the odds of winning the lottery, being struck by lightning and then seeing a dork struck by lightning are something like 700 billion to 1.
-Sparky-
Have you ever noticed that when ever you're in a hurry to get somewhere, you're stuck behind a car driving slower than a turtle crawls? Why is this?
-Pest-
Wow, I know just how you feel. You know what's even worse, when you're leisurely driving along listening to some music or something and some jerk gets right behind you who's in a big fat hurry.
-Spanky-
Spanky,
I was looking through a magazine the other day when I came across an ad for Sea Monkeys. Now, I'm not a Sea Monkey expert, or anything, but are these actual monkeys, and if so how can they get away with selling those cute things for only $5.00, even if they do have to live in water?
- Thanks, Guess W.-
The smallest member of the primate family, these adorable little monkeys are a steal at five bucks a bunch. The big problem here is that although this may seem like a bargain, prepare to empty your bank account for all the nifty sea monkey accessories. On a special note, be sure to avoid the sea monkey merry-go-round, unless of course you enjoy monkey barf.
-Spanky-
If a Turtle loses it's shell, is it naked or homeless?
-anonymous visitor-
Depends on if it's gone condo.
-Sparky-
Where do dust bunnies really come from?
-anonymous visitor-
Once upon a time, in a far off land there lived a magical custodian. He was very lonely, so the custodian used his magical powers to bring little wads of dust to life. Suddenly realizing the curse he had inflicted on all humanity he subsequently invented the vacuum cleaner and sucked up all his little friends. In his haste he missed a couple, and today dust bunnies remain the dominant domestic indigenous lifeform, second only to pieces of fuzzy food under the couch.
-Sparky-
OK. If a tree DOES make a noise when it falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it how do we know that the tree doesn't yell OUCH!! For that fact, how do we know that a tree doesn't just get up and dance the jig when no one is around to see it? Maybe trees are very sociable when humans aren't around.
-Bob Sly-
I do have some hidden videos available for the low, low price of $19.95.
-Sparky-
If Superman's outfit can't be destroyed then how did his mom sew it with a regular needle?
-Max-
She was a tough old broad.
-Sparky-
If dogs sweat through their tongues, then what are their armpits for?
-anonymous visitor-
Tasting food? No that's disgusting. It's like this, if dogs didn't have armpits then they couldn't hold on when they hump your leg.
-Sparky-
